I am a dreamer

I got my TBI in 2005, when I fell off my bicycle in France. I am officially 'blind', as a result of that accident. I'd say 'partially sighted', but the doctors say I'm blind. When I look straight forward, into a mirror, I can see my left eye, but not my right eye. The right half of my vision is completely gone. If I look towards the right, I can see it all, but it's missing if I look forwards.

I have always tended to wave my right arm up and down occasionally, just because I knew I couldn't see it. 'Yup. Still missing."

I think I can see it a little bit better now. I am always thinking, "Did I *always* see the vague white shape of my hand? I think I did that time. It's only vague, but..." "Didn't *all* of the right side of my face look black? Now I can sort-of see a darker smudge, for my eye-socket..." "I am sure I didn't used to see my right arm moving up and down, but now I do. Look!"

I am almost certainly imagining it all, and hoping that I see improvement that isn't really there is very silly. My eyesight has probably been this 'good' for years and years, now. I mean, I think any improvement after a brain injury happens in the first few years.

I was really unlucky to have that accident in the first place, but I'm really VERY lucky to have recovered as well as I have. OK, I don't remember my 8-year-old being a baby, I didn't even know she was mine, but I love her to pieces, now. My balance is still far from perfect, but hey, a few years ago, when I went to work, I *had* to hold the bannister on the wide stair, coming down from the train station. Today, I *choose* to walk down the middle, proudly, just because I *can*. My speech is still blurry-slurry, but I cope well enough (and my job is as a university lecturer, so it can't be that bad, but it's not the same as it was pre-accident). I am really lucky to have recovered so well (hey, I was lucky not to die, really!). I am *so* much better than I could have been. But it's silly of me to hope that I can still see some improvement in my vision, isn't it? I will only disappointed when I accept that I'm imagining it. It's too late for me still to be improving.

2 Replies

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  • It's not silly at all. Last year I was told the sight in my right eye would never improve but it has.

    The overall tone of your message is very positive and that positive attitude will work wonders for you. Never give up hope of improving and I'm sure you will.

  • Ditto the above sentiments......& well done on the station stairs.....I know that situation so well and the feeling of accomplishment afterwards......it must be ten fold for you, being visually impaired.

    Keep hoping and forget "silly".

    Best wishes to you, cat x

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