Ever think how luck you are?

It was 4 year this month since the car accident that I was lucky to even survive. A few things have made me think how lucky I was to not only survive but actually carry on with life like before. There are few minor differences I don't notice I get tired easier and struggle with balance when I don't realise. First was about a week back my mum told me about a man who lost control of a car on motorway and hit hard shoulder barrier and came to a stop on motorway exactly like my accident then a Lordy hit him and killed him. In my accident another car hit me so just shows how it could of been much worse for me. Next I got talking to a man on a forum who had been left in wheelchair following a car accident last year. I would never of thought anything of it before (not heartless but just thought well things happen) but having been in a car accident and had the weeks after where I was relying on people to look after me, get me up, put me to bed, take me out in wheelchair. I can imagine how bad it must feel especially knowing you may never walk again.

Finally the last thing is something I know would of brought back to me how much I took for granted before. The Pokemon go game. I have always liked games and collecting things in games so like this game but it's made me think something so simple that everyone takes for granted being able to get up and walk anywhere. It's a completely new thing in games which would of drove me mad not having a go or relying on someone to take me out to play it. To top it off right now would of been the worst time cos my cousin is stopping at mine and has been on Pokemon go all time and going out specially to hatch eggs and get Pokemon. Mite seem silly but it's little things like that people normally don't even think of what it would be like if they couldn't do something simple.

22 Replies

  • I'm very happy for you seeing it as a " lucky" thing. The worse sentence every said to me,,, gosh you so lucky to be alive. Yes to live in constant pain, learning to hold my head on my neck, learning to talk, learning to walk in fact learning EVERYTHING again. Eeeeee sorry you just put the worsted words that any one could ever say. I can't slap you so a rant will have to do 😠 I do however understand what you saying. I'm not nasty 😝

  • Hello Candy, Jules here.

    Just seen you post regarding 'those words' - are you ok ?

    I know exactly what you are saying - it makes me feel like people have put me in a box.

    You are probably asleep - catch you at a 'reasonable hour'

    Just wanted you to know I was wondering how you were and if you are ok.

    Kindest reagrds



  • Hi jules, gosh those words. Instant flame up of anger. It's hard when another bi person says it cause you don't know how to respond and you gotta be polite lol. I'm fine thank you , just plodding along. Got my nanas funeral on Friday and I still can't do trauma as it knocks me days. I hope you ok Hun xx

  • Hello Candy

    When my family first started using the word, i felt deeply hurt (because they had seen what happened to me) and when i hear people who dont know me say how lucky i was i feel rage, because it happened to me not them - is that horrible of me ?

    What i do think is, if my little sister and mum use the words and they saw the blood, then people must just not understand what that word means to us.

    Saying that, to aid quick removal of headlight on my rabbits head in conversation, i have used the word about myself. 'I am getting there, i was lucky, could have been worse' sort of thing, thinking, 'please dont ask me anything else about it.

    People on the forum have been talking about how each person reacts differently to their head Bi. I was told a while ago that the behavior is sometimes influenced by the persons previous character, abilities and interests.

    Makes sense.

    Have a relaxing weekend



  • And you too xx

  • Hi Candy,

    I understand what you are saying as you have had much taken away from you. I'm going to propose an idea. Imagine you had never learned to walk, talk etc after birth - that you had been born with severe disabilities. You, I and many others on here have all had the benefit of experiencing relatively 'normal' independent lives before our misfortunes and disabilities happened - some people never get this chance and have huge life limits and dependence from the word go.

    Now look at the progress you have made since your accident - through hard work and determination you did manage to claw back a certain amount of function, albeit a compromise and not as good as the original version. Sometimes we have to settle for that compromise and adapt around it. Better that it had never happened in the first place, of course but it is here now, so we will have to work with it. In this context, I feel blessed. x

  • Hello Candy, we probably all (on here) get how you feel on this. I've often been told how lucky I am as I survived an criminal driver crashing head on into us (with an a4 list of injuries inc brain). Supposed to feel lucky as my partner was killed, I don't. After 35yrs at his side, if I had the choice, I wd have picked to Not be so lucky.

  • Trishy, we all speak from our own experience - I was speaking purely from a personal function point of view. I know I would be blitzed if I were to lose my partner, especially in those circumstances. Sending hugs x

  • Me too Trishy. It was a devastating event for you, and something no one could ever be thankful for. But we know by now how you've managed to shield all that grief with your lovely smile.

    Keep smiling m'dear (well most of the time). ;-) Hope you're coping ok. xx

  • Oh hunny. Bet those words shot you in head too. Your past is so hard to even think about. However I AM lucky compared to your grief. Only I was servearly injured and I lost no one. Love to you trisht63 xx

  • It's a tricky one. I believe I was lucky to survive a brain haemorrhage and still be around for my son, daughter & other loved ones.................though having a bleed on the brain wasn't exactly my luckiest moment.

    The after-effects make me feel distinctly UN-lucky as they have caused significant issues in so many ways which limit/complicate everything I do on a daily basis and regularly put me completely out of action.

    So I always resented being told how lucky I've been until my ex-husband (close pal) also suffered a Subarachnoid Haemorrhage, meaning my kids had to go through the horror a second time, and he didn't survive.

    So, by comparison, I still can't think in 'lucky' terms, but I do feel very grateful that my kids have had one parent spared.

    And if you feel your situation could have been worse Keeley, then you're entitled to feel lucky. It is a noble sentiment when you could have so easily remained focused on the negatives. I hope you'll be blessed with lots more luck along your way !

    Best wishes, Cat x

  • beautifully balanced response as always. Xx

  • Why thank you Trishy ! xx

  • I am not sure I believe in luck, but I do believe that a positive attitude affects how things turn out, and how life moves on, and if feeling 'lucky' is part of that for you then fair enough.

    Truth is (and this is a perspective which is perhaps peculiarly acute for those of us living with an unexploded aneurysm in our brains) everyone on the planet could be said to be 'lucky'. 'Luck is what could be said to divide them from their next step and that double decker bus, or that sudden heart attack. It is all so random. But life is something which most people take for granted.

    When you wake each day with the knowledge that you might not make it to the next dawn you are going to give it your best shot, whatever issues you face.

    The alternative is to scream and shout, or curl up in a ball in a corner...and who would want their last 24 hours to look like that?

    I can only live in this moment; I can live it in all its fullness and rejoice in it. If feeling ' lucky' is what gets you to that point, then 'be lucky'. 😊

  • For me it is "there is always someone worse off than you" and you give not so much as thanks (because you wouldn't want that on anyone) but relief or acknowledgement.

    I had an interesting conversation with a guy who was a victim in an assault after a long recovery he can barely walk and mainly uses a wheel chair, has difficulty with speech and co-ordination but his mental capacity is brilliant. He said to me one day that he feels sorry for me because of my memory and cognitive problems as he feels he came out of his injury better than me. I guess it also down to individual perception on what capability matters most to people.

    All the best

  • Hi Keeley - loving the positive post : )

    Yes, things could always be worse and there is always someone worse off than you. I too feel lucky in many ways, perhaps a little odd under the circumstances but I guess it's my way of looking at it. I think if I were to dwell on my disabilities or the possibility of further disability to come I would be wasting my present time and current level of ability.

    A lot has happened in the last 3 1/2 years for me - some triumphs, some epic fails, fear, heartache, elation, acceptance, knowledge, insight, greater empathy and finally back to just being me and all that it entails ! Old age and it's accompanying loss of functions comes to us all if we live long enough - some of us are just dealing with losses a little earlier than we expected !

    If none of this had ever happened I would never had met all you lovely people on here or at my local Headway - I guess there are silver linings to every cloud : )

    Have a great weekend, hatching eggs or whatever ! ( It was Tamagotchi's in my day )

    Angela x

  • Tama.....................wots ??????? :D xx

  • Hi, I've read the post and answers and gone away and thought about this.

    I've always considered I'm lucky, lucky to be alive and still able to enjoy the new life I have. BUT and its a big BUT, I'm very unlucky to be in this situation as is my family.

    Every morning when I wake and get out of bed I am reminded of how my life has changed and my limitations.

    I make the most of those days and will continue to strive for improvements, I am lucky I am no longer in a wheelchair, I am lucky I am not blind, I am lucky I am still able to pursue some of my hobbies. I breath a sigh of relief when it is time for bed and I can finally stop the daily struggle I have to try to live a normal life.

    Then I wake up next day and it all starts again.

    It took a long time for me to laugh again, but laugh I can and do now, I have high hopes for the future too, but my positivity wanes a little sometimes.

    I am happy for you Keeley and all those who have managed to return to a life more like their previous one, but I am envious and wish I could, I could not reply to the one about scuba diving, some just rile me so least said is best.

    Take care all

    Love Janet xx

  • These lovely replies demonstrate how we humans are affected by both emotions and practical/factual things - albeit at different times. Our perspectives are not simple or static. Mind you that is so whether we are brain-injured or not - it is simply part of what it is to be human. My journey included being the CEO of a charity running a helpline for the stressed/suicidal and I did the Samaritans training. Yet I am also a supporter of Dignity in Dying because honestly the decision that life is not worth the effort can also be perfectly sensible and valid. The tragedies happen when someone acts impulsively and often without realising that depression passes/eases/is not fixed.

    The thing to remember is that we all have a choice - just knowing that often empowers us to carry on at least for the time being.

  • Hey I bet when you wrote that on here you really didn't expect these replies. Quiet a few of us got upset and annoyed by that post bless you. I know the replies must of shocked you. We all feel very diff about it all and if you have hit the lucky stage that's great I just think many of us will never hit that thought so don't be offended x

  • Re 'luck' - isn't it an emotionally charged term for chance? Most things that happen do not have any direct effect on us as individuals; a few have and a small sub-set of those can be extreme either way. Apart from sensible risk assessment and precautions (wearing seat-belts, checking brake fluid and riding hats/body protectors etc etc) there is little we can do to influence events. Whenever I hear 'Why me?' I think 'Why not you? My grandmother married a soldier who had come out of the British Army after serving in India when she was 17, had my mother aged 18 and was widowed aged 19 when he was called up to serve in the army in 1939 and was killed in the retreat to Dunkirk. We at this time in this country are unusual in being so secure and comfortable that we have come to expect life to continue like that but for most humans life is a struggle. But of course we compare our lot to those around us who are carrying on as usual. My family dumped me and mine when my mother, a nurse, died without giving any reason leaving me to conclude that they did not want to have the hassle of supporting a family member with severe head injuries, on oxygen and in constant pain. We have had to struggle with debt, depression and the deep hurt of betrayal. My young people have few illusions about life and do not take things for granted and I hope will be stronger for it. We are certainly much closer than most - a mother static in bed on oxygen always there when you want a chat (and from whom you can walk away when it suits!) does have advantages!

    Here endeth my reflections of 'luck'! All the best.

  • I always "want to slap" anyone who tells me I am/was lucky to survive my accident ...because I did not survive it. My body did not die, but the person I was before is definitely gone and it has had far reaching effects not just for me but those close to me who had to grieve the loss of me while my body still lived on.

    I am approaching the 10 year anniversary of my accident and my life has changed considerably in those ten years... we have moved on from the horrors of what happened, we have made adjustments we did not believe were possible and we now move through a life that may seem just fine to a casual observer... but its not fine, not really ... and even now I do not feel lucky I survived.

    That does not mean I would wish to end the life I have now. It is what it is and we make the very best of what we have...but given the choice, I would not have chosen this.

    I am always glad for those who feel lucky or grateful or optimistic about the future. It must be lovely to feel that way... For me its a case of navigating my way through life in my little bubble the best way I can ...until one day (who knows when) the bubble eventually bursts and its all over.

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