My Life

[Onedayok]

Had been managing ok but yesterday was stressful through living conditions and my suicidal thoughts spiralled again.

[TBI_Friday]

Hello One day, I know those feelings all too well, hopefully you are feeling a bit better, things always seem to calm down after a while.

[Rosebud66 in reply to TBI_Friday]

Hi, I’ve tried three times to commit suicide and left letters for everyone and it has never worked, and as a gardener I know what dosage should have killed me for the toxic plants we have available. I survived each time. So now I think a higher power must be at work because my last try honestly? It should have worked. So I get those feeling regularly. I am now listening to Joe dispizer, wrong name, on YouTube and he has some nice meditations there. I say what I am grateful for, even if it’s a small thing and I’m trying to think more positively that WILL get better but it’s slow. It’s super hard when you don’t know exactly what the problem is. Pink vision is good on this!

[ImNotJay]

Hi onedayok,

I struggle with suicidal thoughts quite often... There have been a couple of overdose attempts, but they don't appeal to me anymore, as after the last one there was quite a long period of all the things I took running out of my system which was somehow worse.

I have made a couple of plans somewhat recently; I don't know exactly what keeps me from acting on them, but I know I've always said to myself "I'm too tired to do that right now, I'll wait and see if it's this bad in the morning", and for whatever reason I seem to feel slightly different after I wake up. I don't know if I can keep them under wraps forever, but I have found the following helpful:

Meditation: I have spent years meditating and I find the Expand app provides my favourite ones. Some of them are premium, but there are also some of the institute's tapes online.

Routine: I'm very bad at keeping one, but when i do it really helps me.

Psychiatrists (sometimes): I try and keep an open mind, but not so open minded that my brains fall out on the table. My difficulties in communication don't exactly help.

Therapy/conversation: I've not done many kinds of therapy but I find it helps talking to someone. Even a close friend and having a laugh.

Good food: You'd be surprised how happy I am when I'm eating curry. Normally I'm a miserable b*****d.

Journaling: Sometimes writing about something that has upset me, or frightens me, and why I'm feeling like that; or how I stop it happening again helps.

Creative writing: Just a hobby. But it keeps me busy.

These are personal to me.. but i need to try and lean further into them and not sit and think about what i think about myself.