motivation

[jokeja]

my son has a brain injury he was 20 at the time, he is 24 now and lives in an elderly care home, he doesn’t want to do anything and struggles with motivation, it’s a shame because he is only 24 he has no friends they all abandoned him after his brain injury

[cat3]

How mobile is your son ; is he able to get around unaided ? And what were his interests prior to his injury ?

[jokeja in reply to cat3]

He uses a frame inside and wheelchair outside which we push and he is getting too heavy. He didn’t really have much interest before abi but he likes watching YouTube videos he go to gym with his carers but only with one of them he will work there with xxx

[cat3 in reply to jokeja]

Sorry to hear of your son's limitations and lack of motivation. Could he have an electric wheelchair to give him a sense of empowerment and allow him more control over his days.

I'm thinking he could be transported to somewhere totally different now and then ....maybe inspiring him to seek out broader experiences ?

Cat x

[Alibongo60]

Hi Jokeja, what part of the country are you in, are there no younger peoples homes in your area which would be more suited for your son. I am not surprised he has no interest, I worked in elderly care for the last forty years, it is a real struggle to motivate and encourage the elderly to take part in activities and this would rub off with anyone living there. Most homes have age restrictions to prevent this happening, he really needs to be with people his own age, or at least attend a day centre, speak to the headway call line maybe they can offer you some advice for your area, I hope you manage to get some help for him good luck love Alice xx

[jokeja in reply to Alibongo60]

Thank you he has been to an under 25s headway group and didn’t like it he tries things once then don’t go back I’m getting him an electric wheelchair as he is getting too heavy for me to push also the carers can’t be bothered a lot of the time they just sit in his room from 9 to 6 on a one to one he has a one to one 7 days a week seem like a waste of money it’s paid by clinical nursing team. I just worry he just going to vegitate

[Dvorak]

My friend usually says no to any new suggestions and it has taken a long time to get motivation. She has the use of one hand, which limits options. A few games have been successful recently (all sedentary though) - dominoes, connect4 and cards - pairs and snap - she likes it when she wins. Trips to cinema take planning but we have done a couple of times.

Planting bulbs also (she was a gardener before her BI) gives some pleasure too.

The power chair was also a big plus

Hope this helps

[jokeja in reply to Dvorak]

Thank you for these suggestions the games are a bit tricky for him though as he has ataxia due to the bi so both his hands are very shaky he does like to sing and act but most classes are for leaning disabilities as is most things .

[Skallagrigg]

I can so relate to this, my son is the same, three years in, only 30, and in a place where they now take dementia residents, his friends don't see him, i.m his only visitor usually once a fortnight due to distance ,work and the fact i.m bloody old , where do we buy motivation, stimulation and a life for him?.his news of the day is he's used the commode with a carer ,really? He was a massive cyclist before ,hence the brain injury, i.d love to find him a friend

[jokeja in reply to Skallagrigg]

It’s so annoying isn’t it, you know they are capable of doing much more with a lot of encouragement but most of these carers not trained in brain injury and also if they don’t say we are going to the gym today he will just not go I’ve had so many arguments with my son he wants me there but when I am he is just rude to me. But my heart breaks for him , he is so lonely his so called friends who said they would always be there for him have long gone. I take him swimming one afternoon a week and to my house once a week he is only 5 minutes away from me but I’d rather have him further away but with the people who are specifically trained to work with brain injury plus I’m 60 and my husband is 64, we constantly worry about him.

[Skallagrigg]

My son is further away, because I too thought a specialist place would be better, it isn't, it's just failed it's cqc terribly, my son is just left in his bed some days due to staff shortage, he poos the bed because the staff don't answer his buzzer in time, hence why he's so grateful when he does get helped to commode, He's hoping to move nearer soon so at least I can get there more to sort out problems, but goodness i.ll be quizzing any prospective places within an inch of their life.our sons need to live their lives not just survive

[jokeja in reply to Skallagrigg]

have a list of questions before you go. I have meeting with care home manager and clinical nurse team on Friday, I’m going to point some stuff out that I’m not happy with. But I know they have spoken with my son and told him one of the options is to stay there. Thing is when he first went there they were taking him to the kitchen and helping him to make breakfast they haven’t bothered doing that for a long time, the ot s won’t go into care homes to help him because they say they will supp him when he goes to independent living but he won’t get there if no one’s helping him now it’s a total shambles. Once I was on FaceTime to my son who never liked to press his buzzer ever, he had soiled so I encouraged him to press it and eventually he did and a carer came and had a go at him but when she realised I was on FaceTime to him she said oh sorry Jack I’m just having a bad day! I did report her. I just want him to be encouraged to do stuff, he has put on so much weight and the cares are putting off taking him out because it’s hard to push him and so he misses out. Hope you get the right place for your son . And it’s so nice to chat to someone who understands thank you

[Alibongo60]

Oh dear, I really don’t know what to suggest to either of you ladies, except I’m sorry you have been let down so miserably for your sons, those homes need a good shaking up, keep fighting for them love Alice xx

[jokeja in reply to Alibongo60]

Thank you x

[Skallagrigg in reply to Alibongo60]

Thankyou

[Skallagrigg]

Jokeja, i.m with ya , I know exactly where you are coming from unfortunately, hes just rung complaining no one will take him out to the local market cafe, he loves to people watch, but I can understand that, it's icy for his wheelchair and the carer, plus the paths there are awful , even i.m working from home today brrr

[skydivesurvivor]

suffered the same at 34!! Social services should get involved, should find him a day centre to relearn social skills. A safe environment to help his m redeveloped his character. Helped me greatly, unfortunately most have closed due to lack of funding!! Try to get him onto headway, they have monthly meetings on line. This is also a great site for similar sufferers to socialise. People y never see who share so much. Support for him & you?!! Give it a try!! 🤞

[jokeja in reply to skydivesurvivor]

Thank you the on line friends chat sounds good as he feels lonely, we got meeting on Friday and I want to say he needs more rehab, day Centers here are only for the learning disabled

How do I connect him up to on line chat?

Thank you

Sandra

[skydivesurvivor in reply to jokeja]

Join the healthinlocked.co.uk fill in bits, enter his disability & read what’s been entered click reply & come join!!

[sashaming1]

Can he reach out to his friends by Email or texting to maybe reestablish contact?

[jokeja in reply to sashaming1]

He has Facebook and messenger and talks to some but I don’t think it’s often that they reply