getting back to work: My question is I am a... - Headway


8,104 members10,537 posts

getting back to work


My question is I am a caregiver of my husband (he suffered cardiac arrest and anoxic brain injury) Its been a year and I just trying to figure out how do I get back to work. He needs care 24 hours a day, He is 100 % dependent, I was thinking a facility specifically for neuro brain injury, but in the back of my mind I feel like I am abandoning him. Any advice ..........

10 Replies

Hiya Orleans, I notice no-one has replied, which is quite unusual so thought I'd acknowledge U.

Unfortunately I haven't had any experience as a carer & was quite independant after a year or so, but mine was entirely different.

Personally I can't even make a suggestion, but I hope someone can give U some advice cos the people on here are very friendly & helpful when they can be - good luck & tc Xxx

oMG THAT is my thought now.. its been since April and between caring for my grandmother who was in ICU on life-support to going in two different rehabs to my fiance having his accident. I feel lost and confused and desperate but also dont wanna leave them. I quit my traveling job and now just take care of her during the morning to evening and then see him and get back home later so im always exhausted. I dont even no what the hell im gonna end up doing or transitioning too man I wish I had an answer but if you have any hobby or trade youre good at please use it. If I did I could actually figure something out

Wow my prayers are with you. You are a phenomenal person. Time seem to stand still but the most important thing is you are there for your loved ones. I know you will figure it out. I decided to try to go back to school but still see how I am going to facilitate his care......I know Tony will improve it just takes time for the brain to heal. Again don’t neglect yourself and it’s ok to take a day or two off as well don’t feel guilty because they will call if they have any questions.

Have you thought of phoning the headway helpline?

Its personal but in my opinion everyone is entitled to a life.

We cannot be defined by our injuries and those who care for the most affected among us equally deserve a life.

With your name being Orleans if you are in the USA might be able to be a sounding board for you.

Wishing you a resolution that brings peace for both of you.

I've worked where the agency has managed the payroll for Carer who's employed by the disabled person. That's about the extent of my knowledge but info here:

I imagine the Headway helpline can give the pros & cons when it comes to a TBI

Hi Orleans, you must be absolutely exhausted, emotionally and physically. If there are any care facilities you really do need to use them in order to get some of your own headspace. My husband too suffered a cardiac arrest and severe anoxic brain damage, I couldn't cope with him at home full time due to the mood swings, irregular sleep patterns, incontinence and hallucinations. You must get some help for yourself as it will help you to deal with the massive life change you have undergone. You must not and cannot feel guilty, and returning to work might be a good idea for your mental health, only please, please, ease into it if you are able to find a neuro care facility. You should enlist the help of a social worker to steer you through care plan options, for day care and respite, it's so vital that you get time to yourself. We (my son and I ) are almost 3 yrs now since this happened and it is still surreal, although you do settle into a "new normal" however hard that is. I hope you have support from family and that your husband is coping too. x

Orleans1011 in reply to DMN34

Thank you. I will definitely look into that facility. God Bless!

What is it that is requiring him to need 24 hr care??? Im curious because im told my hubby needs same and its hard to understand why. His anoxic injury was in apr 2018 and i had to resort to a nursing facilty so i didnt lose my job. We have 3 kids at home. Now im sad, stressed etc that he may never return home due to my not being able to meet his needs. It sucks. I'veread so many stories where the injured are independent and home while spouse works.... Ugh


I’m sorry you are going through this difficult time. 24 hours mean he can’t feed himself, use the bathroom, his mental status is not 100 percent. I do get a pain in my stomach too when I hear of these miraculous recoveries and my husband is calling me “mom” all day. All I can do (we can do) is still be there for them and try to rebuild a life outside of the injury. Every brain injury is different. One thing is I will always make sure he’s well taking care of because he will always be the love of my life and we will always be connected. He didn’t ask for this to happen. God bless,

I see. Im sorry i originally read your post as 100% independent. This is very difficult i know but you are right, be loving and caring.

You may also like...