Family

[Philcragg]

Goddddd, 2 an a half years after my mother's passing, I'm still getting disgusting messages from my mothers family

[Leaf100]

Sorry to hear it,, PhilcraggDo you have someone professional to talk to? Maybe Headway could give some ideas.

Some people are h-e-double-hocky-sticks to deal with, and just because they are relatives it doesn't mean you have to deal with them... it doesn't sound like they have dealt with their issues, and that is on them, not you.

If there are business type things to deal with you may need pro help to deal with that.

Your job is to look after yourself and those you choose - and sometimes the block function can be very useful.

Keep copies of the messages BTW... if you ever need to show anyone why they are out, or why they were a problem, you have concrete things to show. You just never know about these things.

Leaf

[Philcragg in reply to Leaf100]

Nope, although sometimes I feel like talking to someone professional, I feel like iv lost everyone, a guess il live, a suppose

[Leaf100 in reply to Philcragg]

It is more usual than you might think. A lot of us find family and friends vanish, some fast, and some slow.It is sometimes hard to see how a professional can help..

If you fnd someone who knows brain injury, that's important. Basically you blah blah and they may ask questions and then they can point a few things out or give some suggestions.

Not your thing? No problem...

There are also societies around with programs of various sorts - and participating in them can give a better sense of connection, even if you don't make actual friends there.

That's why it is good to ask Headway, you never know what they might come up wkth - and, maybe not... thing is , keep looking.

Leaf

[Philcragg in reply to Leaf100]

Thank you, just av keep plodding on

[Nafnaf87]

Good morning Philcragg

After my father passed 7 years (I think) ago life became very difficult slowly, slowly with my mother and brother. I didn't realise my mother had joined forces with brother for a couple of years despite her and I having lived in the same house for 20 years (15 of those with Dad).

When I did realise it was at work (family business) I just decided to work harder to show my mother it was not the business it was my brother. I had a mate who was MD at Pendragon's parts arm who put me in touch with one of his former employees who was now doing IT marketing. After 2 or 3 months getting it sorted, my brother did our IT so I had to work through him and then round him we got it sorted and turnover responded. My mother told me I'd just got lucky! I had arranged a meeting at our offices with our accountant (not nationwide but big in the northwest) to discuss the way forward. I could not believe what was happening when my brother said he wanted his money out and my mother backed him. I had even less idea what to do when the accountant joined them as Dad had always dealt and he (the accountant) knew exactly what Dad would have done.

Anyway, I decided again to knuckle down and work harder again. Despite an awful atmosphere at work I succeeded in moving things along and raising turnover again. After 3 months I needed support to order some stock from China so they made it impossible for me to continue to go to work and began the process of removing me as a director which happened a couple of weeks before Christmas. I went to work the day of this event to face the music in person which, of course, made no difference.

At home that evening I shouted, within 5 minutes my brother arrived and took my mother away, saying they had an eviction letter ready to go at the solicitors. I had visits from the police and my brother demanding I leave my home of 20 years. Early in the New Year I received a letter from a different solicitor telling me I was trespassing and demanding I leave. Just as the first Covid lockdown started I got a notice of court proceedings, all of a sudden what little support I had shut down, including the local Brain Injury Service. 30 June 2020 I was given 3 days to leave home in a court hearing on the phone!

Emergency accommodation followed along with more or less complete isolation. I fell on my feet somehow with housing association accommodation and their advisor sorted out Universal Credit (I was refused PIP while in emergency accommodation scoring 0 out of 12) so I haven't starved 🙂

Our business has been shut down and its assets sold raising a lot of money without any reference to me, a one third shareholder. My brother moved himself, his girlfriend and eldest son into the family home and my bed.

There remains no contact though I have received some money.

I have tried to get professional help all over the place in the last 3 years. Nobody is interested which is pretty hard to take but hell, that's life. Doesn’t mean I have given up, I'm now playing the long game, as long as it takes but I do not worry or think about it everyday. There is no point winding myself up, that will achieve nothing, but where opportunities arise I use them.

Philcragg, if you're not bored to death by my story and have got this far, my advice is: ignore them and look after yourself.

Best wishes

Michael

[skydivesurvivor]

Been there!! Just ignore them, don’t let them get to you. Had to text my brother that their father would be ashamed of them!! U obviously a better/ tougher character!! Move on. They obviously can’t!! Good luck & please come chat whenever ok?!

[Philcragg]

Ok, much appreciated, feels like iv lost everyone, there when ya giving em money then gone when u ain't got ya cheque book out

[haverfordwest]

You don't need them, after copying their messages, block them, forget them and just have contact with people you want to and people who understand you. Do things you find happiness in, if it costs and you can afford it carry on, but if not, lots of things that lift the mood are free. Sit on a bench and talk to people, there are lots out there just wanting to chat. If you like animals go to a zoo, wildlife park, feed ducks in the park. I have just been to 2 places, one a very small farm with rabbits, peacocks, pigmy goats, pigs, alpacas, donkeys, all except the peacocks come up for a smooth, it's surprising how calming that can be. The animals don't expect anything from you other than a good scratch for the pigs, and smoothing and maybe a bit of hay for the rest. The whole day can be spent in places like this, you can forget/ignore anything stressful all for less than a fiver. I hope you find relief from them, life is too short, enjoy the good things and get rid of anything/anyone that upsets you. As my Dad used to say "2 shoots up your bar saloon" when someone pissed him off, I never new what it meant but it made me laugh. Take care.

[Philcragg in reply to haverfordwest]

Thank you very much, means alot

[cat3]

Phil, .....ignore / ignore / ignore

It'll be hard at first but, with a predatory family like yours, your life will continue to be hell so long as you give them an inch of it.

I know you're protective of your dad, but he's chosen his way of life (and priorities) and he needs to know that your own wellbeing, and a family of your choice, are your priority . Maybe you can stay close if he could respect this.

Let brothers & sisters know, in no uncertain terms, that you're blocking them and any messages will be ignored and deleted.

Sometimes we must be really strong, even harsh, in fighting for our right to peace and sanity !

Really hoping better days are ahead for you, your partner & family..... Cat. x

[Philcragg in reply to cat3]

You and me both, it's all about number one now x

[cat3]

👍😏