Confusion family behaviour

[Jodieb73]

I’m in a strange situation I had a large hemorrhage 2 months ago and have had majority of my right scull removed

Thankfully I have made a very quick recovery my family were told that I would possibly not be here or badly disabled.

My daughter was devastated and told by doctors that I would be either disabled or dead for sure and I believe that when I knew this it gave me more enthusiasm to get back to myself fast I became a miracle in the icu and ward and was released after a week or two my memory has days it is there and days it fails me

I have no recollection of most of this years events but long term memory is still there but having said that. It is disturbing to be told by people who I thought would understand how “of my head I was” and took joy in constantly recalling my behaviour I live alone and I think I must have been having seizures for some time prior

I couldn’t return to my flat due to financial losses as result of being in hospital since January with gastrointestinal issues and after that monitoring my brain bleed I was discharged and later rushed to emergency surgery seeing me in ICU must have scared her I understand that of course

I had to get my mother and daughter to empty my flat and they basically threw my entire house into a skip and my mother repeatedly took pleasure in telling me how hard it had been for them and I should not be upset about myself because they had had it tough because of my situation

I have had to come to my mothers house at the age of 50 I left home at 18 now I’m here I’m beginning to see how much more of my life is becoming and topic of nasty strange behaviour my mother messaged everyone and seems like she’s been trying to put me down constantly saying how hard I am and I’ve found horrific messages about me using me as a get out if she wants to not go out

It’s not a new problem with my mother but now it’s really escalating even to the point of telling people I tried to vomit sluiced and she’s got to go to hospital again I noticed 3 separate cases during the year when I was in hospital for my illnesses

To be honest I’m concerned about her mental state because she’s rapidly becoming more forgetful and I have to actually be her caregiver as she is 79 and I can really see her behaviour is changing and obviously she’s putting me in a bad situation mentally I don’t want to be here of course or pretend that I’m ok with her

She tried to ridicule me for not remembering anything and her and my daughter were just disrespectful and quite frankly bulling me

Of course they must have known I was able to hear funnily they both had to ask me where to go because they were lost because I didn’t react and I just zoned out feeling sad and lonely

What do I do about this if I broached the subject about it I get ignored or shouted at and told I’m lying

Obviously I don’t intend to stay but currently I’m awaiting more surgery to reconstruct my scull and not allowed to drive or work as my head is to be covered in a helmet I can’t work

Pip have said I will probably be waiting 6 months for help but I have no money or job or driving ability and no furniture anymore

I really don’t know how to deal with this situation

Does anyone have any advice

I’m incredibly lonely and extremely depressed

[Skulls]

Have you considered talking to Social Services? It sounds like you might be happier in a care home where you can receive family in small doses. It is odd how ones injury reveals the best and the worst in people one thought one could rely upon.

[Jodieb73 in reply to Skulls]

yes I’m going to try this tomorrow most places are shut it’s escalating

[Leaf100]

Hi Jodie,

I live in Canada so I can't comment on the types of services in the UK, I can only guess some are sort of generally similar.

I do care for an elderly Mom and she has all her marbles and is trying to help me help her. I can't imagine doing it 1. without co operation and 2. having to go through what you have coming up.

I would call Headway. My concern is that, due to staffing shortages everywhere - neither you or your Mom will get the help you need because the box on your form is not ticked 'lives alone'. Here they expect anyone else living in the house to do the necessary, whether capable or not..

So, Skulls idea about Social Services and a care home - maybe you both need to be in one (different ones)? sounds like a great one to me.

At some point in the future, when you are ready to move back in to the world, there are places that help people get a few bits and pieces together - so don't concern yourself with that just now.

Another way to get free furniture is to contact people who have businesses taking stuff to the tip for people - often people are getting rid of things that are just fine - and the junk people may sell some, but often they have too much and some things are just not going to sell. You could also connect with your local brain injury at that time, as some of these businesses actually have a set up with them, so that if someone needs a couch or something, they can provide it eventually.

Right now you need to concentrate on your health and well being. It doesn't sound like your Mom is well and is not able to help you, and you just won't be able to look after her when you have your surgery and are trying to heal after - and to heal you need peace and to focus on that. Don't let anyone guilt you about that. You can also talk to your medical people and tell them you have no where to recover - which is true - and see what they can come up with. This is another thing to talk to Headway about, they likely have info for you or can tell you where to get it.

It sounds complicated and overwhelming. It may help to have someone to talk it through with - again, ask Headway.

It's time to ask for help. And you may need to have some one help you get it. A case manager of some sort.

Keep us posted,

Leaf

[Jodieb73 in reply to Leaf100]

yes lol care home I wish I will call headway I’m just stunned by it. What a situation just when you think it’s at a point of well rock bottom to be honest I’m like 😳 great work mum thank you appreciate the support

[skydivesurvivor]

been there!! Following my accident spent 6 months in various hospitals. Divorced my hubby for abandonment, lived with parents like you for 6 months. The first few years after a brain injury I spoend learning about the changes in u character. Being told by family, friends move on cos y not the person they knew. Their loss!! U spend the next decade re- honing y personality, jettisoning the bad, polishing u better qualities. Creating theNEW you?!! Who else gets this opportunity?!! Will be challenging, social services, this site should help u . This place saved me in many ways. People in the same position. Who share u experencies. Support in y pocket? It will be a very trying time ahead, please visit often, for support. Sharing experience can be very therapeutic! Ok, I’ll be honest! We’ re NOSEY really!!… was that a twitch at the side of y mouth I sensed?!…SMILE to spite the frustration is very useful!! Me & others I’ve met here, do it often!! See! Wipe it away, people’ll think y mad?!! But we know different!! Keep safe & chat soon!!

[Jodieb73 in reply to skydivesurvivor]

exactly she’s weaved a massive clan of other members of my family that actually are not hers my fathers side who died when I was 18 I did point out that’s not to clever is it mum

I just don’t understand it

I do think she’s unwell tragically she’s been nice on one minute but then off to bring me down

She’s actually used me to get out of engagements saying I “tried to commit suicide again” it’s quite disgusting

Apparently I did this while in hospital and another date I was actually taking her out for Mother’s Day”

I mean she could have come up with something less horrific

I now have made some calls to my family not able to when unwell but she’s made it thorough I’m a bit concerned she has won them over

Thank you very much everyone I’m so bemused I just can’t process it and great timing

[skydivesurvivor in reply to Jodieb73]

supported mum through dads demise, she was my cater. Then after 4 years of me catering for her she died of alzimers. Bro has taken over my care now, don’t rely on him too much, he has a young family. Keep trying to look after me, find a new surpos. Carry on with my challenging life keep safe & visit whenever u need support, we are all here for you!

[Alibongo60]

Hi Jodie73, do you have a social worker, and if not I would give social services a ring and explain to them what is going on, you need safeguarding and I think mum needs some help too. It maybe they can place you in a supported living scheme, where you have your own accommodation but receive help and support as needed, let us know how you get on love Alice xx

[Jodieb73 in reply to Alibongo60]

yes thank you I do think she’s unwell obviously I have noticed a decline in her ability to remember and drive it’s quite a ride.

Oh what a bummer I have 2 cats also I’m just numb

Shocked

It’s great support from all 😇 much appreciated

[Teazymaid]

I would try talking to social services and your own GP explain the behaviour of your mum and possibly Daughter . They will need to know all that you have written here as this will explain why you need help .. it’s so difficult when family have no idea what you need and it is boardering on neglect emotionally ..

please seek help from outside the house and then hopefully you will feel so much better .. sue x

[Jodieb73 in reply to Teazymaid]

yes totally agree

It’s not the first time she’s done this behaviour but I thought she had stopped

But it’s escalated and unfortunately I will have to get her checked out

I really don’t want to but she can’t get away with this

It’s concerning and it’s not something I should be doing right now

Thank you

[Teazymaid]

yes it’s very difficult but you have to put your own care first … good luck with this and don’t give up if you don’t get the right help first time . Just keep asking and giving them updates on what is going on at your mum’s as you have to make your situation stand out to them .. sue x

[skydivesurvivor]

sounds very similar to my story, lots of changes still ahead. Good news is they will be for the better!! A whole new way lies ahead, imagine the council will rehouse u probably to sheltered accommodation. Sounds dire but u will meet new people in a much safer environment!! U have lots of changes ahead of u. Take the time to come to terms with the new you!! Polish the best bits of u character she’d the worst. Who else gets this opertunity?!! Get on to social services be assessed for various denefits too many to mention! Know u down but remembered! A whole new life starts now!! If like me! U need a lot of support!! Go to citizens advice if no social support. To fill out forms, I would write a csentanxe to each question, they will fill out a chapter!! Hard to accept their help for sure! Took me 20 years to accept just how inept I am, still think am normal!! Filled out a questionnaire today, reread it & realised I am still next to useless but what the hell!! Am alive!!! Oh & remember a cheesy grin is very bolstering!! Good luck, would love to hear u progress!!!! We are all here for u because we’ve been there!!!!