Life with a Brain Injury so unfair

I attended a MDT meeting today to discuss Sophie, my 10 yr old daughter. This young child as now got so many problems, hidden problems. I have been asked to think about a special school for Sophie, because they dont think Sophie will cope with Main stream Secondary school next year. I am finding this very hard to accept, and so upsetting we in this situation. Once again feeling very angry, and the future for Sophie is so uncertain. She finds it very hard to concentrate and stay on task, learning nothing at school, her behaviour is a big issue mainly at home. Feel so sorry for Sophie, and hopefully all these decisions i am having to make are the right ones for her xx

11 Replies

  • Hi Julie,I feel sorry for your issues, but I think doing that assessment by professionals means that they really know what is better for your daughter.I know it can be difficult to accept because you`re her mum, every mum can think in the a same way as you, we love our children and we expect the best for them and sometimes some responses are not what we were thinking about and create that sense of uncertainty for the future.I think that taking events and situations as they come day by day in small steps can give you a sense of gratitude for every little achievement and you will find the way to cope and to keep going for the best of your daughter, but in a new version of learning and achievements.Take care Julie

  • Oh Julie It's been mostly worry and difficult decisions for you since that awful night and it's all so, so unfair. But look how far you've all come, mainly through your own perseverance and good judgement. You probably see it as one step forward and several steps back but, from an outsider's point of view it looks like you've done/are doing a brilliant job in getting the best outcome for your kids.

    If Sophie really is struggling at school, maybe she does need to transfer to another where the work will be at a slower pace and maybe of a lower standard but at least she WILL be achieving instead of struggling each day. It's hard for a young child to face such upheaval through no fault of her own, but I suspect in time she will adjust and settle into a new routine once she realises it's a safe place.

    When my son was faced with a special unit as his ADHD was interfering with mainstream schooling, he threatened to run away. It was an awful, stressful time. But once he settled in it turned out to be much more suited to his practical, hands-on personality than the academic work. He learned cookery (made excellent dishes which we used as an evening meal every Thursday) and learned gardening/carpentry/ metalwork etc.................they really concentrated on developing the child's existing interests and strengths, whilst keeping up to date with main academic subjects but without the pressure of exams.

    But stick with your own instincts Julie, they haven't let you down so far, and look how well things are turning out for Jack. It's all down to your love and support and I applaud your determination and steadfastness.

    Love & best wishes to you all, Cat xx

  • Meant to say ................lovely photo of Jack & Sophie !

  • Thanks Cat, one of my favourites, got the school photo,s yesterday, and there is a great one there also xx

  • Thanks for your replies, mean alot. Once again it is having to accept whats best for Sophie. Jack is going to secondary school in September, his injury alot different to Sophie. We will have to wait and see how he copes with the added pressure, but he is such a happy character and gets on with everybody, which is always a bonus. Went to get his uniform this evening and to see him in a blazer was another emotional moment, had lots of them today xxx

  • Try to keep an open mind over which would be best. Would the special school with it's smaller classes and smaller site be less stressful and would she get more help? Has the main stream school had any experience with children with brain damage? Does one involve a lot more travelling?

    It's OK to decide that it was the wrong decision, or was the right one but 3 years later is now the wrong one.

  • Hi there

    So sorry to hear of your pain.

    It is such a shame that we use the term "special school" as it seems to have a stigma attached to it without need.

    Some children go to specialist music schools and focus on that, some go to specialist dance schools and focus on that. What you will be doing is sending your girl to the specialist school for her, that will enable her and empower her to focus on her current needs, her development and her behaviour both of which can improve with more focused support from specialist teachers.

    Think of teachers like GP's. On the whole they are generalists and can deal with the everyday and that's what so called mainstream education is. If you had cancer you wouldn't settle for a GP you would want a specialist that knows how to focus on that one area. If your child was musically gifted you might want a specialist music teacher maybe a specialist school as everyday teachers would not be able to focus on the music and nurture it. For Sophie it is specialist teachers that understand her needs and can help her to fulfil her full potential.

    With brain injury things can improve with the correct support and who knows one day in a year or two the specialist teachers may decide that Sophie can return to generalist teachers in mainstream.

    Sophie can go to other places to work with children that go to mainstream school, maybe swimming, dancing etc if and when she is ready.

    So try to relax about it and to see it without the stigma that as a society we have managed to give it. Visit and you will see that children there are happy getting the help that they need rather than struggling in a place where neither pupils or teachers understand their condition.

    I cannot begin to imagine how you are feeling and how you are struggling with the choices facing you, I have never been in that position. So I hope a different perspective on "special" might help a little.

    I hope that you can find peace soon and leave behind guilt, anger, worry, pain, fear.........

    You are a fabulous mom and will do the best for your children because of your love for them and that is priceless and the foundation that they need to move on.

    Are you getting some help for you as an individual? To help you deal with the emotional turmoil?

    Good luck to you all, Sophie couldn't ask for a better mom who fights her corner and considers all angles you are fabulous


  • Thank you all for your lovely compliments. I will always do my best for my children, and do whatever necessary for them. I love them so much. Feeling angry is always going to be there, and I will always feel this was an accident that could of been prevented, and that's the hard part I can't accept at present. If a special school is best for Sophie that's the path we will go down, I have to be realistic, but still so hard to accept xxx

  • hi Julie

    I am newish so don't know the back story. I have two lovely nephews the second has very severe dyslexia with some autistic traits he had to leave his state school where his brother was and lots of friends because he could not learn. Went to two specialist (great improvement meowth) schools with very small classes and equipment and support. There were lots of children far less severe than Rory as parents with money could buy better education for their mildly dyslexic children while my sister had a titanic battle to get Rory statemented and to the right school. But it was the best thing for him. He did get to learn and develop even though he is now rather lost since he cannot follow academic studies nor have any other skills to offer an employer. His brother has no disabilities and has a good future (had his own normal teenage issues) while there is simply no place In our world of work for someone with Rory's problems and my sister lives with the concern for his future. And yes it is very unfair but the life is not fair is it? The right school could help her blossom as Rory's school did and combat the 'I am just stupid' stigma from being in mainstream school. Take care of you so you can keep being a great Mum.

  • Thank you for your reply. I also have had to fight to get statements for both children, which has taken a year. Sophie,s has been issued, but I haven't seen Jacks yet. Schooling and education is a massive worry, we yet to see how Jack copes with secondary in Septemeber. I understand what your saying about schools for Sophie, and I guess I will have to go and check afew out, sorry I'm feeling very sorry for Sophie, and worried about her future well being, to be so far behind already, and that gap is getting wider from her peers. This is one very special little girl with massive problems xxx

  • special little girl blessed with a special loving Mum xxx

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