Finding work

[Mummily2]

Nearly 20 years on from the accident and my son ( now 40) has been living with me for 5 years . Prior to that he’s had failed relationships , loads of jobs in sales that didn’t last, lost all his friends, spent all his compensation money, had problems with binge drinking , suicide attempts . He found a girlfriend who loved him and tried to ‘care and guide’ him but ultimately couldn’t manage both him and the child they had together so he came home to me.

The last 5 years have not been easy , after all that time I finally got a GP to recognise his problems were related to brain injury and found Headway.... he now has a supportive GP and 6 monthly visits to rehab consultant. He has had sessions with a neuropsychologist but they’ve now ceased. The problem is that we all recognise that his problems are to do with the injury but he does not and is all the time wanting and trying to be like everyone else ....and so all the time feeling he’s a failure.

Last year after 4 years unemployment, he got a job and it did feel as though he was going to start to build a life for himself again. He enjoyed the social contact, had money to support his daughter, got great feedback , got up motivated every morning and his self esteem soared. He even got a promotion - then after 9 months they made him redundant (or was there something else???)

Down the snake he went and it feels like it’s back to square 1 and he’s very low and has been suicidal He’s now decided the sales world is not for him and is looking into other possibilities. He’s thinking an apprenticeship would be a good way into a new field ... but is he too old.

He really needs someone to help him find the right job who understands the subtlety of his brain injury ... any suggestions, given that he doesn’t see himself as ‘disabled’

[Hidden]

Well sounds positive that in his mind he sometimes has the effort. I normally don't last at anything long at all.

Maybe ur local council has some initiatives to get people back to work,tho problem is it normally is voluntary & falls under LD. My local council has one that trains people to serve in local cafe's. Govt has cut most initiatives for brain injuries. Maybe local Headway can suggest local employers,as they 'say' they are so helpful.

Sorry not much more help.

[Mummily2 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks anyway. If he accepted his Bi it would be a bit easier to use Headway.

[Hidden in reply to Mummily2]

Yeah,must be hard.

I accept my 2,but as so long ago & i can walk & talk,is impossible to get NHS to accept anything at all. NHS in my case were of the thinking that the less they tell me the better it would be-it hasn't,just made me wonder why they hid it! I have to thank DWP for making me chase up all my notes,then found out!

My local Headway just worked on getting me back to work(in a save local govt money-as were constantly funded/guided by them!),not alot else,seemed just bothered about getting money in advance.

[Tia-01]

Hi there

I have eventually after nearly 11 years got help for my husband.

I went to my dr after being at end of my tether with him losing job after job along, depression, rages, doing things without thinking about consequences list goes on.

My dr was great and asked me to try get him to come to next appointment with me.

After some convincing he came with me and outcome was dr referred him to the local Brain Injury Team - I knew nothing about this team apparently relatively new just over 5 years..

He was accepted by them and has been assigned a psychologist an Occupational Therapist, Psychologist and a Speech Therapist.

He has already had visits from 3 out of 4 and they come to the house. They have been great and he is going to be taken by physio to our local gym and will get 8 weeks through NHS funding. It’s to get him out and about. They told me about The Men’s Shed which I’m going to look into for him. He can go there for a coffee and a chat and maybe get involved in projects they do. Your son may enjoy doing that!

They also said they have some employers that will take on people with hidden disabilities and may be able to help him find suitable work but firstly have to concentrate on his cognitive issues and try bring his mood up. Hopefully by going to gym this will help.

Try talking to him and see if he would agree to go to Dr and get referral for him I didn’t have to wait too long for things to be put in place. My husband same he doesn’t think anything wrong with him but that is common with people with brain injury they don’t see what we do 😩

Heartbreaking for you as a mother.

I wish you all the very best and hope your son gets help finding something suitable work wise 🤞x

[Mummily2 in reply to Tia-01]

Thanks Tia-01 . I’m pleased you’ve found some help. My son has recently joined A local group for men who’re struggling with mental health issues and social isolation and it’s one of the most positive things he’s done. He does see his doctor regularly and is on lots of medication ( too much I wonder sometimes) for depression, anxiety and mood swings. He’s had gym membership which helped but then got too ecpensive to manage. He did also through Headway and his doctor get to see a neuropsychologist but I think he ( and the psychologist) found it hard to identify what his problem was so the sessions ceased.

I think though that accepting he has a hidden disability and then possible supportive employees might be the way forward. .... just don’t know how to do that. Being in work has been the best therapy he’s had in the last few years.

[Tia-01 in reply to Mummily2]

That’s good your son is going to the group it definitely helps their self esteem.

Would be so good if he could get some work with an employer who is aware of the issues he has.

Have you tried your local job centre I was advised that they have a support group for people with disabilities which they can help find suitable work for but again he needs to admit he has a problem.

I know my husband won’t go there willingly unfortunately he too feels he could still do his job within the care sector but this is now sadly not an option for him. Shame 😩

He has just been accepted for the 8 week gym membership it then goes to £10 a month for 3 months but then jumps to 34.99 which we can’t afford either as he too is not working.

I’m hoping once he had done his 8 weeks it will increase his energy levels and he can then perhaps join a local walking group which will have no cost to us.

All the very best of luck to you and your boy.

Tia

[Hidden in reply to Tia-01]

Sounds like u had a supportive dr-too many aren't.

[steve55]

it sounds to me as though your son hasnt accepted he isnt the person he was before his injury, as soon as he can accept his new self, things will get better.

i dont look disabled, my problems are my mental issues, for which i see a psychiatrist every 6months, i found a saying which i would pass onto your son...........disability doesnt have to be physical............

trying to find an employer who has employed people with bi is difficult, he can go to the job centre but they wont understand, the only way you can understand a bi is if you have one and i wouldnt wish that on anyone.

steve x

[sealiphone]

Mummily2 mentioned Men In Sheds and I've visited their local open day, lots of things going on, woodwork, gardening and other very practical activities.

One of my friends does woodcraft classes and they're currently making a Viking chest (don't ask!). This was after they'd constructed a Iron Age round house.

The projects are national and aimed to attract men who've become socially isolated with depression being fairly common, my friends tells me they're getting very positive feedback from users.

[Kirk5w7]

Hi,

Your local job centre should be able to help here.

My son, who is on the autistic spectrum and this is considered a mental health disability. He is high functioning, he gained a degree 18 months ago but has high anxiety levels. Anyway there is a programme the job centre can pass your son onto who deal with people with disability to try to get them back into work.

Also search out the Growth Company , they assist anyone wishing to change career but he will have to have some idea what he wants to do. Also apprenticeships are available to anyone just remember that whilst completing one he will be on reduced money.

The first job my son found was unsuitable but we are now trying again.

Janet x