Sam’s now 2 1/2 years post TBI - working hard at work and recovering slowly. His main issues are depression (which he seems to be slowly getting on top of - without medical support) and sleep issues and fatigue which don’t appear to be linked together. He’s good with money, has saved a deposit to buy a flat and is planning on putting in an offer for one on Monday. Being a neurotic mum I’m always looking for something to worry about 🙄 and now I worry about him setting out on his own. He seems to be better mentally and physically when he’s occupied and busy so it could be that being on his own and having to be self sufficient (which he loved at uni) would be good for him but my worry is that he’ll isolate himself and get more depressed. He’ll only be living 25 minutes away from us and is doing a full working week so he won’t be sitting in isolation all week.
He doesn’t get excited about things now (a result of head injury I believe) so it’s difficult to judge anything from him whether this is right or wrong. He’s 24, a really bright lad with his head screwed on and this could be exactly what he needs but with him saying ‘should I do this’ and with me worried about him we’re a right pair between us!
Thoughts please
Hx
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Hetty56
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Does this need to be an all or nothing choice? He could move out, see how things go, if things aren't so clever then he could move back. Then he could keep the flat to rent out or cash in a sell up. Unless he tries neither of you can predict the outcome.
Yes definitely and there’s always room here if he wants to come for a weekend. I think I’m probably being over sensitive and also perhaps after all we’ve been thorough I’m finding it difficult to let go.
I know how mind-bending it is worrying about a son, especially where there've been traumatic issues. But whilst Sam knows he always has you to rely on I guess it'll be empowering for him to take the next step towards independence. And if you're each contactable you can be his constant safety net in case of any wobbles.
This move might reveal strength he didn't know he had, and hopefully he'll feel he has the best of both worlds between his self-sufficiency and you as back-up. I really hope all goes well Hetty and that you'll be able to relax more & more with time......not that mums ever fully relax where their offspring are concerned !
Thank you Cat. You could well be right in that it could be empowering for him to get some independence. As I said he’s a different person when he’s occupied - yesterday we had another look at the flat and he was the old Sam all day.
You’re also right about mums and their offspring - we wouldn’t want to be the sort of parents who only think of themselves though
Its hard to let go after this has happened, my son it’s been 4 years TBI. Its sounds like things are going good. I think the fatigues stays a little. But he’s independent that’s great. We are moms we worry it’s tough but we have to let go from far.👍👍👍Good job
I do feel for your anxiety because - not to depress you, I'm sorry if it does - our son had a head injury when he was seven and committed suicide at the age of 31. We found afterwards that he'd been impotent and had been having sleep problems, and a lot of things seemed to point to pituitary damage which occurs after 25% of serious head injuries and can happen almost as often after less serious ones. Symptoms of this can be fatigue and depression and failure to control your body temperature, you can be either too cold all the time or too hot. Also you may put on weight. Anyway, it might be an idea to check him out for his levels in the relevant pituitary hormones - thyroid, LH/FSH (the sex hormones), cortisol, prolactin, growth hormone. This last is very difficult to get the proper test for, possibly because it's relatively expensive to treat, and you need it lifelong. The proper tests for growth hormone deficiency are the insulin stress test, the glucagon stimulation test and the GHRH arginine test. I wish we had known all this while our son was still alive, I think he could have been saved, because replacing the missing hormones is effective.
Sam suffered severe depression and had sleep problems/fatigue and his pituitary function was tested and found to be ok. Perhaps these things should be looked at though again. I know that fatigue can last a long time and 2 1/2 years is really not long in the world of TBI
I wish you all well. It is difficult when any child leaves home for the first time. Most come back for a time as well so don't see it as the end of him being at home. On the depression side TBIs and ABIs often cause a chemical imbalance that is helped by a short time of anti-depressants to just get it all working again. Most of us on here have probably had at least a little time on them. Even people in a coma sometimes need them. Here is a good place to air your thoughts and worries. Take care x
He tried antidepressants for some months and found either that they had no effect or the side effects were too great. I tried them myself after he had his accident and know how they can be of benefit but he's now determined not to go down the medication route again. I talked to him last night about having a conversation with his GP but not sure how he feels about that.
I should take from this that he's a determined lad and this hopefully bodes well for the future
Hi Hetty - I know it’s terrifying to think of him on his own but you should celebrate that he’s even able to contemplate it. As others have said, if it doesn’t work out, there are options, which many people in this situation don’t have. Just being able to work is fantastic because, as you say, he needs to be occupied if his brain is to start working again. My son is 31 and graduated in 2011 with a first class degree in architecture however undiagnosed epilepsy led to many falls which left him with frontal lobe damage. Because he’s also diabetic and epileptic, it makes it difficult for him to manage on his own. (Having very little working memory makes it difficult when you have to remember to take insulin). The DWP have finally categorised him as “limited capability for work” which, in a way, was a relief. As everyone on here knows, there is very little rehabilitation available. We play board games every day to try to give him some mental exercise. It would be fine except his father is elderly and I have incurable cancer so I’m madly trying to think of ways to give him an independent life for when we’re gone.
I know it’s difficult but just try to be positive - although no doubt the last couple of years have been hell, Sam has a future and you’ll be there for him if he needs help.
Bless you. You and your family have been, and continue to go through so much. I think you just have to keep ploughing on and doing what you can. It makes my worries seem so small - in fact all the replies I’ve seen are helping get things into perspective.
You’re right that he is doing really well and we have a lot to be thankful for. He’ll be busy when he moves - the flat he wants to buy needs turning into a home and he’s planning ahead already.
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