12 months today

[Gym1bunny]

I'm having a very anxious day 12 months today is when I had my grade 5 brain haemorrhage and I was fighting for my life the trouble is I'm very happy I'm alive but becouse I'm not the same person it's a very strange feeling things are not the same ! I know I'm lucky but I'm sick of having people ram it down my throat about how lucky I am I've got no memory of what happened I was in a coma for a month plus no memory of my time in hospital or who looked after me or anything I've gone from an outgoing person to a anxious depressed nervous person I've worked all my life but now I'm not working I so much want to go back to work my employer as been awful to me but that's another story ! So I've got the pressure of having to go through an interview but I'm just not ready I'm sorry to go on and be negative but my emotions are all over the place I being selfish becouse I know other people have got far worse problems than me ? Or am I just feeling sorry for myself?

[StrawberryCream]

You shouldn’t compare with others situations because it’s how it affects you and your life that IS important! Your life has dramatically been affected as you describe in your post and that is major changes from who you were to who you are now! It takes time to adjust to the impact and changes to life after a brain injury. I can ditto all that you have described as can many of us with a bi. Most people don’t get brain injury and think because you look ok and have amazingly survived ......... that you should now be happy and grateful! It is still only a year since your haemorrhage and your recovery will still be ongoing. You are not being selfish or sorry for yourself.

[Gym1bunny]

Thankyou for your kind words I think I'm hard on myself always been a positive person but finding it hard to find the positivity at the moment !

[cat3]

I remember asking my consultant ……...'If I'm lucky what does UN-lucky look like ?' But that was before my ex-husband (good pal) had a SAH too and didn't survive, which brought home the gravity of my own situation.

But I think we're justified in feeling sorry for ourselves at first Bunny. Our previous, often fulfilling & active, lives are gone overnight and we're told to just get on with a lesser one. But I think it takes 2-3 years of adjustment before the 'bereavement' loses its sting and we start to appreciate ourselves as survivors/fighters.

You'll become more accepting as time passes and distances you from what you feel you 'should' be capable of ! You're a fighter Bunny and this is only your first anniversary (I was having my gall bladder removed on my first anni. so had to be reminded of the date) and, though it feels like forever, it's still early days for you m'love.

Hang in there ; it does get easier, but I feel for you m'dear. xx

[Gym1bunny]

Thankyou for your words of support your right it is like I'm mourning the loss of me and it's hard to explain to people how it feels they are happy I'm still here and so am I I know I'm very very lucky but I feel lost

[Jaxs050783]

Your not selfish.

I feel identical to you, people assume I should be happy as I’m still alive but it’s not as simple as that.

It’s the old you look normal thing

Tony

[Danger19]

Hello my friend,

Firstly there is no selfishness in feeling low or alone. Where your employer is concerned they have given you a really difficult, appalling time. Plus when you have been through an serious life changing experience like most people on this site, you are in a position where things don’t make sense and you feel out of control. I know I did and it still bothers me that I do not remember falling down the stairs! You are an amazing, good hearted person. There are better things on the horizon for you. Things will come good in time my lovely. You are always in my thoughts.

As always I wish you peace, happiness, luck and I sincerely hope some positive times come your way.

Vikki

[Gym1bunny in reply to Danger19]

Hello my friend Thankyou for your lovely words today is a hard day hopefully tomorrow will be better it's been like a black cloud over the day my partner hasn't spoken about it being 12 months either I can see in his face he is struggling aswell it's affected him as much as me bring on a new day tomorrow .Hope your ok and things are good thinking of you Julie xxx

[Shon48]

I’m in the same position and I know it’s far too soon to be remotely like myself but you can’t help that every morning you wake up and think “ I’ll better today” only to find I’m just the same. You think I’ve had a procedure to help this problem so why am I feeling like this ? Been there and still there. I hope you find a way to accept the way you are today and hope tomorrow is better . Best wishes and positive vibes sent your way ,

Shona 🤗🤗

[Gym1bunny in reply to Shon48]

Thankyou for your kind words I know exactly what you mean and accepting things is very hard at times best wishes to you x

[DirtyD]

Your not being selfish at all I’m nearly 16 years down the line and still struggle with the “new” me so I don’t think that ever goes we just have to keep taking every day at a time and celebrating how amazing we are for everything we have gone through and coped with so keep fighting that’s all I do every day be proud of yourself xx

[Gym1bunny]

Thankyou for the lovely reply it means alot wishing you well

[Hidden]

Not selfish, that's what this is for, we all get for want of better words "shitty days" and weeks, rather like my " luck to be alive" rant. Rant and rave as much as you must, not a problem. I would give anything to return to work a d I'm getting used too my short tempered " I want to be alone" new me. Hang in their, this will pass. X

[Gym1bunny in reply to Hidden]

Thankyou for your reply I just hope how I'm feeling passed soon I'm so glad I've got people in the same position to talk to on this forum Thankyou so much take care

[Marnie22]

I can't write a proper reply right now as I have to get to my Headway meeting, but I just wanted to send you some encouragement. I think it would be odd if you didn't feel the way you do. Please be extra kind to yourself today. I will write some more later. Sending you a hug over the web! Take care. You are not alone in how you feel

[Gym1bunny]

Thankyou for your words of support I was hoping today would be a better day but to be honest I just feel the same I just want to be in a dark room away from the world ! I have a brilliant partner who is very understanding thank god

[WinB]

Hi Gym, Like you I remember nothing about my SAH I was told I slept all the time and the shunt put in to get rid of hydrocephalus woke me up xx I was just so pleased I was alive.. Of course there are days when I feel down, anxious but I think about the good times in my life and it makes me so pleased to be alive. I asked my Hubs how often do I get down and he answered every day lol. He and my Daughter went through it when I couldn't keep awake and had Sepsis, UTI and ventriculitis. They lived through this with me so I have to be nice as they also have been there. We all get down days but see Doc if worried and ask the question "Is this natural " I think it is but only he can tell you this. When worried I get very anxious it is natural for me that's when I rest my brain.. Good luck and cheer up if poss xxxxx