Hey folks. Before my BI I had climate anxiety and worked on eco projects to 'be the change I wanted to see in the world'. I'm no longer able to work on these projects and my climate anxiety is worse by the day. Every plane I see going overhead, every car/van/truck I see idling with a running engine, all the spring grass I see being mowed just as the flowers (weeds) the pollinators need are coming through - all bring on panic attacks.
My friend from primary school knows I have huge concern for the climate. She also knows I'm not able to go anywhere at the moment because of my BI. She knows my family are stuck at home caring for me.
She and her family have already flow abroad several times this year. She messaged me this morning "Hi, are you guys doing anything fun this easter? We're off on a 12-hour flight south to meet family who are joining us from the US".
I'm falling apart over this utterly thoughtless message on several levels, as I'm sure you can imagine. I just can't get it out of my head and wonder how I'll ever speak to her again. But a couple of weeks ago we crash-visited her on the way home from our child's rugby day out - I fell on their floor crying over the stress of the day out, she made us all sandwiches and tea while I calmed down. So she can be lovely. Should I just watch TV for a while to get it out of my head, ignore the message and move on?
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PurpleOverlord
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Sorry you're struggling Purple. Most of us have limitations in making a difference, but if everyone with a conscience adopted the habit of persuading those around them to take environment issues seriously and make changes within their power then change is possible.
It's up to governments, worldwide, to legislate and make sweeping changes to industry and business practices. Try to turn your thoughts elsewhere (whilst also doing your bit for the climate) until you feel stronger. Endangering your own health will achieve nothing other then personal misery.
Hi. I don't think your friend comes from an uncaring place. Obviously she has proved her caring nature towards you when you dropped in.
People's priorities are different, they may be aware of your concerns but not the impact since your bi.
Their lives and priorities are obviously not the same as yours. As pair of boots says accept the differences and have the strength to change what you can.
You can tell your friend your concerns without lecturing or laying demands. We each have our point of view and should be allowed it. Agree to disagree but good friends who accept us for who we are are rare. Even more so put bi.
Your friend is making you feel involved in her journey too. Your anxiety with climate and relationships need to be separated, your anxiety is clouding friendship. All the best
I think you need to speak to your friend and tell her how you feel and explain that your feelings haveintensified since your injury. Everyone has different values and perhaps it would be best if your friend simply didn’t mention flights etc. Maybe you could encourage other ways of offsetting the carbon footprint.
Yesterday I read some piece of research by scientists working for the NOAA/NASA that says we are half-way to putting enough carbon into the atmosphere to melt the Greenland icesheet and raise sea-levels by nearly 7 meters. Somewhere near the end and well hidden this research suggested it is just a possibility and would happen over hundreds and thousands of years.
This is alarmist nonsense and should be regarded as such. The idea we are individually able to do anything about it is stupid.
We need to learn to look after each other kindly, your friend clearly is kind to you and you should cherish that.
Anxiety of any sort is incredibly hard to live with, and after a BI, with the increased uncertainty it brings into our lives, this is often harder. I think I'm more reliant on the contact with the outside world that my old friends and family members bring to me - so I'm quite vulnerable in that way - which is difficult to cope with on many fronts. I know I worry if I perceive any change in a relationship, and will fret away at it. But I think the thing for me is to try and realise that they haven't changed, that I coped with the relationship before, but now I'm more needy/ vulnerable emotionally. Which I think in a way is what you're saying, in that now you aren't actively working on eco projects that you feel more helpless, and so your friend's actions are more painful to you. I think we need to hold on in our hearts to what makes each person special to us, and love them for what they are, rather than for what we want them to be. I think forgiveness is a very hard thing to do sometimes, but ultimately it is the only thing we can do to be whole and healthy in ourselves, and to live our best life. None of us is perfect, and we all hurt other people's feelings on a regular basis, even if we hope not to, it's part of being human. (This isn't to say that anyone should tolerate a situation where there is intentional physical or mental abuse, but it doesn't sound to me as if that's what your friend intends.) Going back to her message to you, it sounds as if what she's really excited about is to meet family she hasn't seen for a long time from the US and wants to share that emotion with you. We've all got very different feelings about climate change and what needs to be done - I can sympathise as, I can even get annoyed about Christmas light displays - except simultaneously they do lift my spirits ( I took an environmental science minor as part of my degree as a mature student and pride myself on my small carbon footprint, but am sure I don't do as much as I could). I think that what I'm trying to say here, is that we are all a mixture of different strengths and weaknesses which I think you recognise in your post, and a straightforward good / bad analysis isn't enough to describe most human beings. The only thing we have control over is our own behaviour, ultimately we can't change anyone else, all we can do is love the whole person for ali their strengths and their weaknesses - and bear in mind that we are a mixture of the same ourselves.
We're also all muddling through in what are uncertain times both financially and in the wake of Covid, and we do what we can to cope - in some people these existential cares lead them to feel that they won't put off those lifetime trips, Try and be pleased that your friend wants to share her joys with you, as well as being willing to do what the best of friends can do, which is to pick us up from the floor when we're in crisis - anyone who does this needs to be cherished, because they are special. Sorry for the long post, I do hope your anxiety gets a bit easier to bear x
it’s a tough time! My life fell apart, most impacted the field I stupidly landed n!! A hard road ahead! Lost all my friends either to my ex-husband or because I wasn’t capable of jumping anymore. Became very withdrawn, had to relearn so many simple skills. Walking talking, socialising was the hardest! Took me many years of honing the new me, at least I got to choose the more appealing qualities of the old me, jettison the worst!! Takes time and effort. Good and very trying times, counciling, liked after my mum/cater for 10 years. Social services stepped back as she was doing a good job. Now when I approached them having lost both pedants, got no support at all!!! My social life these days is either here or coffee with people who I met at a day centre many years back or their friends, doing flat up with help from my brother. Other than that, my future scares me!! As I often say SMILE to spite the future/ TBI/ being alone?!!! Good luck & visit site for support/understanding from safe strangers!! Xx
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