Hi All

[Bushman1926]

Posting for the first time in a while.

18 months or so from my BI and I'm wondering why I'm not right yet. Things felt OK till about 10 months back and I've struggled a bit since. Memory is getting worse, confidence is shot, motivation is zero, and fatigue seems to be increasing.

Not sure if it is a touch of PTSD as have occasional flash back and mild panic attacks, the mood is mostly low. I've upped the sertraline recently and thats helped a bit but I can't seem to get used to what I am now compared to what I was. I did a self esteem course with Mind but that really seemed to focus on how others have put you down, but I feel that I'm comparing myself with the pre BI self, and knowing I'm not good enough.

I know the new me stuff but I don't like it and can't get to grips with it and not sure what to do.

Never had any "proper" support since I got out of hospital and not sure what if anything can help.

What do you guys think? Anyone else stuck in a rutt with the new you? There do seem to be groups out there that could help but apparently if you have had a BI you no longer work full time as they ALL happen during the day.

[Pairofboots]

Hi. It does take time to get to be comfortable with the new you. Comparing pre injury you with the post injury is not productive as you will be your own worst critic. See if you can get an appointment with a neuro-psychologist, either via your GP or through the hospital team. Also Headway have a helpline Monday to Friday in office hours, and their website has resources that you can access. Contact details are pinned to this page. 🍀

[Leaf100]

Hi Bushman, other than what Pairofboots says, do keep in mind you are freshly injured in terms of brain injury time lines. Most healing is thought to happen in the first 3 or 4 years, and then keeps going, but slower.There are others out there doing well enough to work, struggling with feeling like an imposter, or wondering if someone is going to call them out for not being as good as before. (The shortage of workers these days can work in your favour.)

So, once you get hooked up there may be programs of some sort in the evenings, the need would be there.

Or, you might talk with a society in a different time zone and ask if you can join something of theirs - many still have a zoom option. You just never know.. the info would be the same but of course resources not the same.

You'll find you need to think out of the box often to move yourself forward.

The older we are the more years we have had the habit of the old self, and as we try more things we may discover more differences. There is a grieving process- it's a loss. It takes time. I am not sure you ever get past it entirely, it is both a blessing and a curse to be a different person and know it .

Just keep going, sometimes one moment at a time.

Leaf

[cat3]

Hi Bushman. Letting go of who we were is a massive challenge and most of us struggle for years with bereavement for that person. We often lose skills which were precious to us and which defined who we were, leaving us in a sort of vacuum.

Rationally, we may feel we've understood and accepted the changes, but it can take years of persistence before other areas of our brains capitulate and relearn.

There'll always be regret for the loss of the person so familiar, but time really does wear away the rawness as we commit to new stuff which our old selves never considered and which help restore some quality of life.

See your GP for help with he low mood ; maybe a referral back to neuro (psychologist or psychiatrist) or medication.

Do you have understanding family or friends around m'love ?

Cat x

[Bushman1926]

Thanks guys.

The family are great and they know I have a few problems, but not sure they really understand the extent or understandably "get it"

[Painting-girl]

Hi Bushman, I agree with what Pairofboots, Cat, and Leaf have written already. It's a relatively short time since your injury - I think the fastest progress is in the first two years (but four years in, I've still seen measurable improvement lately (and I'm more comfortable with the pace of life I need to sustain now).

What I will say is that when self awareness improves - although it's a sign of overall improvement - it can actually make you feel worse because you become more aware of what's going on. Plus you say your symptoms were worse from about the six months mark - I think at around then, we naturally expect to feel better, as do people around us -as very few of us will have experienced ill health for that long previously, and it's possible you also started pushing yourself more around then? You're evidently back at work full time too, which says a lot for your determination, but you may not be cutting yourself enough slack?

Neuropsychiatrists specialise in tweaking and targeting drugs for BI, and mine was also helpful in being down to earth about the after effects of my TBI ( and they are more likely to use 'stay low, and go slow' dosing strategies after BI than GPs) and neuropsychologists are really great at helping you to develop practical strategies that improve your life after BI. PTSD could be complicating things, but a neuropsychiatrist would be able to untangle that for you - but there is a lot of overlap between BI and PTSD symptoms. (My neurologist thought there could be PTSD in the mix, but the neuropsychiatrist discounted that. )

[Bushman1926]

Thanks All,

Reassuring to think I'm not unusual. I maybe being hard on myself but I'm trying to be 'normal' for all the stuff going on in the family. Over the last 6 months. My mother in-law has died. Father in-law has had a heart attack, eldest daughter has moved out, youngest two have had GCSEs waiting for results and this week a traumatic start at college. It never seems to stop.....

I'm not sure which bit of me I should try to fix first, if I do, as my job is to try to keep everyone else settled and happy.

Good to be on here though, talking to people who understand.

Thanks