Processing a Subarachnoid Haemorrhage

[yoohoo2]

Hi all,

I survived an SAH with hydrocephalus and a stroke (due to surgery performed to repair the aneurysm) in Feb this year. Whilst in hospital, I was pretty relaxed about everything that was going on but felt that I was just holding back a tidal wave of emotion that I would deal with when I got home. However, I have been home for 6 weeks now and it has not come... though I have fortunately not had many traumatic experiences in my life, I typically tend to feel quite a bit of self pity as part of the healing process (it allows me to cry lots and I find that helps!) but so far nothing has come. My stroke damaged the caudate which controls emotion/ cognitive function/memory so I was thinking perhaps this was the reason that I have not been able to process it? Has anyone else had a similar experience?

There is a part of me that feels like I'm not the one who suffered- that my husband and family were the ones going through the mill as I was generally asleep during my time in hospital. I also only had a grade 1 SAH so I feel that self pity is not deserved as it was just a mild brain injury. I can't make sense of how I feel and am finding it a barrier to moving on. My neuro nurse has suggested possibly referring me to a neuropyschotherapist as she thinks I haven't grasped what has happened. I completely agree with this but I can't find a way to make this event sink in.

Does anyone have any advice or have any tips that helped them? I just feel in a bit of a muddle as I have always faced problems head on and am someone who muses on how I feel frequently. I'd love to know if anyone else has felt the same and if anything helped them through?

[Kathykathy]

I had a sah haemorrhage in 2015, left partially sighted and metal coiled in ruptured annuerism. Over the time it's been a roller coaster journey and changes happening along the way. New discoveries of self and impacts throughout that journey. You maybe in shock and you may experience a number of changes don't underestimate what has happened they are usually life changing experiences. Take it slowly but accept changes likely to occur. Forge a new you don't pressure yourself to believe you will necessarily be the old you. I wish you the best x

[cat3]

I'm amazed you're articulating and posting here after only a few weeks Yoohoo, It's such early days for you and not surprising you're feeling confused & disorientated.

Personally I found my emotional responses very changed after a SAH in 2012 and apart from crying on the journey home after final discharge from hospital, tears quickly became a thing of the past,

Emotional instability is classic after brain injury and only with much more time will the extent of any emotional disruption show itself. Please allow yourself many, many more weeks of rest and reorientation before attempting to make judgements or changes.

For now, just allow yourself a long period of healing and adjustment. I remember feeling such regret for my family's fear and stress but they're just so relieved that I survived....as yours will be m'love. Take care, Cat x

[Pairofboots]

Hi yoo, welcome. This is early days in the recovery journey. Any notion that you can grade the severity of what has happened is not necessarily suitable. We are all different, how we react is different to each time we experience any given event. Don't try to second guess how you should react. Accept any and all referrals to support, don't assume that you won't benefit. A neuro-psychologist will help you to understand what you are experiencing. I wish you well 🍀

[catrabb1t]

yoohoo!

We are in a similar situation. My surgery was 3 month ago (craniotomy and drain for subdural hematoma) and my neuro nurse has referred me to a neuropyschotherapist because I've had trouble grasping what has happened. This has meant that rehab could not happen as planned by her.

Mine was a non-traumatic injury in context that it was a minor injury at home. Like you, I did not grasp the type of surgery I had had, and it was emergency as the nurse had found me unresponsive during the night.

Neuro advice about 'the new sense of self' felt strange to me. I didn't like it. I hadn't even grasped what had happened to me.

One tip is to have a face-to-face clinic review at hospital. At my hospital the brain injury specialist (who is always contactable by phone too for questions / concerns) does these in some circumstances and will have your scans and will go through what happened and it could help it sink in. My neuro nurse cancelled my phone clinic review and the hospital arranged a clinic visit to aid this. As an added bonus the Consultant came in and spoke to me, that was unexpected. I had provided my questions upfront a few days before and he answered them. It was very helpful. I did feel that the information helped me to understand what had happened. It still feels surreal. This is contributed to by retrograde amnesia in the months before surgery, and high levels of night time anxiety.

I have not yet heard back from neuropsychiatry so don't know how long the waiting list is.

Another tip is making a time line so that you can insert key moments etc and re-read. That could make a difference.

Headway have helped me twice on their phone line. You could phone them about not grasping what has happened to you. In my experience they are excellent at talking through anything related to brain injury. Tel: [phone].

This might be unrelated but I have also laughed as much as I can. Strong laughter releases tension all over the body and perhaps it helps in other ways too...??!

In my experience the penny does drop little by little as you piece things together and my tips above helped me to do that. I doubt I will fully feel the enormity of the experience.

Like you I also felt my family had it much worse than I.

It is early days for you. Don't expect too much of yourself. Relieve stress and try and live in the moment day-to-day. It is an emotional roller coaster for sure, perhaps expect the unexpected emotionally, over time. Perhaps a narrower feel of emotions, quick emotional changes, that might be the same for you.

Wishing you well.