So from the moment I seen husband on life support to even now 13 months later the nausea, constant flashbacks, no appetite, excessive chain smoking (only at nights), silent cries whilst working, caring, zombie mode, no headspace to digest information apart from family functioning
Third week now back on the raw emotions from day one its not budge and think potentially burnt out hit depression, I'm flat but routine, structure just happens naturally so zombie mode is really kicked in.
Basically, is this how it will be being carer/wife/mother; think I need some hope it will ease with emotions/thoughts I'm quite good at other times snapping out of it after 2wks, but this emotion feels different and im scared am I going into nervous breakdown , . I know I shouldn't take on what professionals stated to me at the beginning that I would have one, but I'm so scared. Its always freaked me out then recently health visitor came as 3yr old has issues but she made same comment what will happen to me. These comments always say back of mind but there.
Im unable to be ill, show any negative emotions, sad emotions, and be vex even sad toning when communicating, it triggers husbands behaviour, so suffering in silence.
Basically I have to remain strong in his view I totally understand that aspect though.
Worried suffering in silence, barrier too reaching out for help just let down by my friends family walking away and professionals absent but there visiting monday first home visit since December due to 3rd lockdown.
Carers does it get better or stay same but down to coping mechanism to take it course.