Feeling so helpless while he's in a COMA.. - Headway

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Feeling so helpless while he's in a COMA..


I didnt know where else to post this but I really am feeling so depressed like I dont know what to do. Everyday since he's been off medical sedation and in his own coma I just feel like I cant wait. I know it sounds bad its like I feel like my other half is missing and I feel so lost. I am currently with my grandmother at her hospital which thankfully is about 10 mins from Tonys but I get so sad and depressed especially now when im getting ready to see him, esp since they wanted to pull his feeding tube out yesterday ... I just dont know what to say I FEEL so helpless and like a zombie but I make sure to be positive and try so hard to be happy and encouraging while waiting. This is one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with. COMAS ARE THE WORST. I still cant even believe whats going on right now. Im so stuck and out of my mind.

23 Replies

I feel so sad for you, I've been following your posts and praying for you both. I myself was in coma for 3 weeks & hospital for 5 months. Miracles do happen & I will keep praying for you. Take care & stay strong

God bless

in reply to sammm2k

TYSM I am here now and his feeds been going off for almost 10 mins and I asked the nurse and she said she was busy I just feel like no one is paying attention or cares. So frustrating TYSM Wow you made it luck to you

in reply to HopeforTony

Hey you - listen there are specific alarming sounds if/when something goes wrong and the nurses could be sometimes more understanding, but if they’re not flying outta their chairs to go to Tony, everything as far as they’re concerned is just fine...

Machines whether it be a drip machine or something else make beeping noises when levels are low or it’s a battery issue, but I just went online for you and found a site that actually lets you listen to each and every machine’s sounds:


While Tony is taking napping to the extreme, you could maybe listen to the sounds and frequency of each beep to tell you which machine is making that noise you’re getting upset about. Maybe it’ll help put your mind at more of a rest :)

in reply to Hidden

ok thanks yea I understand

thanks I saved the sounds


Your dedication and love is seriously refreshing and so kind.

My ex wife was exactly like you. She lived in my hospital some days for 16 hours and she was, as I told you, told very grim things about my expected outlook, but 4 months and a bit later I ‘woke up’.

Your husband is gonna be okay ☺️

All you can do now is wait.

Keep talking to Tony..........willing him back to you. But rest too, and eat when you can, otherwise you're likely to become unwell yourself just when you need to be strong.

Thinking of you m'love........ Cat xx

in reply to cat3

its so hard to eat im never hungry and then I feel guilty cause we always ate together and I feel bad, im really working on eating its just hard today I had 2 strawberries a few blueberries and a slice of bagel. im just not hungry but I will. ty Cat

in reply to HopeforTony

Imagine that it's one mouthful for you and one for Tony !

Look after yourself........... xx

I am so sorry you are feeling depressed please know that there are those of us out here who really do understand what you are going through and I will keep you in my thoughts


You MUST look after yourself, when Tony comes round you will need all your strength to cope. You will be no good to him if you are ill.

Chat with him when you are there, play him some music, people here will tell you that when they were in a coma, they were aware of things around them.

It is really horrid what you are going through and many of us have been there. Expect Tony to be very different when he wakes up, his brain is going to take a long while to get back to it's best. Have you had all the leaflets available from Headway so you can understand the next step in the recovery?

Yes I know everyone keeps saying that and Im not purposely trying not to its just so hard to eat. I will keep it up though. I am buying some meal replacers ok. Yes every time I PLAY ALL kids of music, I talk to him, write him diary notes that I then read Say a prayer out loud and everything Yes I am still navigating through the website so I have to find that but I WILL THANKS for the the suggestion. x

Hi HopeforTony

I have been following your posts.

Also I totally understand what you're going though because I'm going through the same emotions as you, feeling so helpless, scared and like a zombie because I have a close family friend in a coma and unable to breathe on her own in the ICU.

She was knocked down in a hit and run incident outside her workplace 17 days ago today. She suffered severe skull and brain injuries. She's only 23 years old and now 23 weeks pregnant.

To make matters worse the doctors asked us yesterday about turning of her life support because they don't have much hope of her breathing by herself and waking up from her coma. We told then NO we're not turning off her life support because miracles do happen.

Like others have said to you including myself, on here, keep talking to him because he might be able to hear what you're saying to him. I've been talking to Amanda in the hope that she can hear me.

I know how hard it is but stay strong and positive for your fiance Tony because he will need you when he wakes up just like my close family friend Amanda as well.

I will think of you, Tony and family in my prayers and thoughts 24/7 and send all my love and hugs to you all.


TYSM Laura I so sorry to hear what happened to your friend and the baby so sad. You are a great person and friend to be there for her. Thats a real friend. Yes as of now I sit from his room typing to you and keeping the faith and hope. Everyone here is so positive and it really helps me I JUST need to be better. I hope your friend gets out SOON u need her and I hope Tony too caUSE I NEED him. You are great and amazing. Thanks a lot I will keep you and Amanda and her family in my prayers as well. tysm

in reply to HopeforTony

Thankyou HopeforTony


Everything you are thinking and feeling is so understandable and not unusual at all. This is going to take patience and reserves from you. He is in the right place so it may be worth getting a routine going of when you visit and even break the visit up with a cup of tea (or coffee) off the ward. Then return. You can chat to him, read things from the paper....... find shoulders too so you don't keep it all bottled up 🤗🌺🍀

Yes I have a routine, I COME in unpack everything talk to him rub his hand then play the binaural music, while im doing that I write in my diary a letter to him. After he listens for about an hour I talk again and change the music for about 4 hourS. Then I READ my letter, let him listen to my friends recordings to him, and then I read a prayer. I talk more before I leave and tell him I love him all the time. Thanks your right maybe I need to change it. I am actually doing that today. I feel like I am a talkative person but the only time its ever been hard to talk was when he proposed ( I was so shocked) and now because I feel so stuck. Thanks for understanding everything AND THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR ADVICE

Hi, you sound like you are doing all you can, and giving and doing all you have within you. I hope that Tony gets to know you again, and you him. Let us know how he goes, rant away here if you want to and best wishes xxxx

TYSM THANKS yes I hope so. I really wish ty

To be honest, I quite often think how hard it must have been for Mr Flump, having a toddler and a baby, and a wife in a coma. When they came to see me, I paid no attention at all. But I did come out of it. Not everyone does, of course, but don't give up, yet. Don't spend all your time there, but do visit regularly, and tell him that you love him.

Ok yes I’m glad you came out to be with your family much regard c

my husband was in a coma for 5 days, I spent them feeling helpless and depressed, blaming myself....I know there is nothing to say that will make u feel better, not even saying you're not alone will help because you probably feel alone like no one can possibly feel as you do right now....my husband woke, and has a long journey to heal, that is if the brain injury heals, but there is hope. I have hope for you and urs. I will pray for you both.

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