I’m approaching my 4 year anniversary of my TBI, I was 18 when it happened and I’m currently 22. I’ve finished therapy and am starting to get on with my life, I currently volunteer but I want to go back to work. I cant explain exactly how I’m feeling but it’s along the lines of boredom and frustration. I get constantly asked by new people, so what do you do for work? And when I reply with I volunteer their faces show the disgust and confusion as to why someone my age volunteers and when I tell them the basics of my accident their response is usually, “but you look completely normal” 🙄 as to my friends and family I feel embarrassment, they rave about their jobs and how much they earn and I’m left sipping my drink and looking like a complete idiot. Can anyone sympathise? Or have any suggestions or ideas of work that they have found to be good for someone with a brain injury? Thanks 
work after TBI: I’m approaching my 4 year... - Headway
work after TBI
I had a new Shunt replaced in my Head in 2000 and was left with short term memory loss I couldn't get a Job done some Voluntry Work for 3 Months then went to College to learn Gardening it took me a long time to get better I now Work for myself as a Gardener Handy been doing it 10 Years now it's goo to be your own Boss but hard Work sometimes as well
Dez
Thank you, appreciate it yeah that’s what I’ve been thinking, doing something so I’m self employed and that way I can dictate the hours/days etc. it’s more now as an in between of the volunteering and when I can become my own boss
Just go for it what sort of Work would you do the good thing is you choose your own Hours
I want to go into bovine hoof trimming
Oh ok I'm not to sure what that is but good luck if you ever need any help or just want to chat I'm here Dez
I’m in the same boat as you but live in France so equally tricky as my french is perhaps not excellent. I had my accident 2016, was a builder before but no one will ever trust me know. I end up doing a lot of strimming or manual labour as I’m fit & strong. I’d recommend that as it doesn’t require too much brain power and will tyre you out. You’re young, the world is your oyster. Don’t let things stand in your way. You can beat it.
Hi
You are doing so well! Recovery is a long process and I’d advise easing yourself into work or study. There are lots of Animal courses in the UK, including Dog Grooming and degrees.
Would you be able to map out a pathway with a careers advisor? ( maybe through a local college) There are lots of apprenticeships too.
Don’t forget you’re entitled to reasonable workplace adjustments too!
You are so young and you can do this!! Good Luck 🤞
Yeah I know exactly what you mean, I'm still off work 4 years later (we did try phased return etc) but it's the "you look fine" "oh you must have recovered fully by now" that is just sooooooo frustrating. So off till 1st December. Foot trimming sounds great, cattle probably the safest etc out of horses sheep etc. Just with the handling facilities (once they are in!).
The head movements and angles I really struggle to even pick out the pony's feet, and if he's is awkward my response is delayed. Same with the sheep. They have already kicked etc before I can react
Good luck!!!
Yes exactly out of all of them bovine seems a good option plus I have experience with cows anyway so seems like a good way forward thank you for understanding, that’s been the hardest thing as of late, the “you look fine” or “it was years ago, surely you’re recovered by now” it’s infuriating! So thank you I appreciate it
Hi I know exactly how you are feeling my siblings don’t get why I don’t work either. I also volunteer for my local Headway that has helped me with my recovery I’ve trained to be a Peer Support Worker using my experience of brain injury to help others recently I’ve also trained to be a mental health Peer support worker through the NHS due to my brain injury and the impact that had on my life I suffer from mental health issues. I do talks at brain injury conferences raising awareness of ABIs
hi cows life I have just read you 1st post which I like two yeas ago . I didn’t reply back then either but I did read someone else’s reply that everyone has things they have to deal with at some point in their lives who is so true . I’m way past your age nearly 58 😫and coming up 4 years .. even at this age everything you have written could have been written by me .. and im fighting to find my way that is ok for the new me ..
when i was your age life was more than difficult for another reason .. i dont have a problem talking about it now but was life changing as well . I did everything i could to beat PTSD , anxiety , depression etc this did change my life but I still went on to be a mum and step mum of 4 boys who your age is between the last two .. I had my own business , married twice and still good friends with my 1st husband and his now wife .. I trained on a pitch side trauma course for rugby along with Drs, physios, etc and I was a hair dresser 😂😂 Definitely felt I was slightly under qualified but I passed and actually had more experience on the pitch as I had been doing first aid for years 😁 … I was in my late 40s then … then went on to work as complex mental support worker .. and loved it , people who had been homeless, drugs, alcohol , been in prison .. I loved that job also .. THEN the TBI .. 😫 how I’ve got to Wher I am know is beyond belief but I’m still not able to work and I’m getting my head around it now but I am nearly 58 and look like u can say I’ve retired but I won’t say that as it’s not true and I profer to say the truth as this is wasn’t something I wanted to do ..
for you I completely see why you need to meet up and chat with your own age group and 💯 thinking is right but us old people 😂have had shit are still having shit and maybe able to help you with ideas to move forward from here .. I’ve found this group amazing ans unsure what the ages of the people are who I’ve spoken to ( old and young I guess) the only thing I so know is there is always a way forward , get help and don’t stop asking for help ( I’m crap at that bit I like to do the rescuing 🤔) And be proud that you have done volunteering as this shows that you are thoughtful person who has a lot to other .. from Sue a old wonky brain Nan that hates TBI along with other things 🤪 You will find a way x
Omg thank you! Wow what an amazing life you’ve lead!! You’ve done so much and so different! That is so sweet and kind, and you’re completely right they’re so many different walks of life of here and everyone had a life before their tbi and fortunately some have managed go back to work or they have gone on to do a job that is the polar opposite of their previous but we need to be strong and be so proud of ourselves because we have all overcome something that’s a huge obstacle, but we’re here on the other side!
Keep chatting to all of us old and young people in here and very much look forward to hearing about you bovine venture as it sounds very interesting and would love to hear more . Take care Sue 😊
To anyone asking what you do for work tell them you're studying for an animal management qualification (to pursue your interest in bovine work) and 'filling in' with voluntary work. Then finish up with "I do what I'm good at and what makes me feel useful".
Honestly, I don't get why voluntary work should be sneered at ; if it weren't for voluntary workers there'd be gaping holes in many essential services...
Have you thought of studying ? You seem pretty focused on bovine welfare. . .
Cat. x
Thank you cat, that is a really good way of explaining it and I might just do that however with my friends that is a bit of a challenge, I mentioned once something along the lines of bovine hoof trimming and they laughed in my face and said why the heck would I want to do that and since then I haven’t uttered a word about it because they think it’s stupid and they already think I’m a bit thick and stupid because of my accident so I don’t really need want anymore comments of my stupidity thrown at me but thank you, however like I said to others who ask I’ll say that
Totally agree with Cat. For our son (who had a severe brain injury in 2013 when he was in his late twenties), volunteering was key to his eventual return to full time work. In the early years we sought opportunities for him and then (when he could) he focussed on things he really liked to do/ was good at - which turned out to be gardening. From the volunteering opportunities, he moved on gradually to a temporary summer job in a garden centre, then a part time gardening job (paid) and then, last year, to a full time gardening job (paid). His friends understood his limitations and supported him as he learned how to manage his fatigue. He is now careful about his evening routine during the week so that he can cope the following day and on the weekend he has more fun! Volunteering is the BEST so take any opportunity that interests you. Be upfront about your difficulties to your volunteer manager/mentor and be patient. You’ll get there in your own time so don’t worry. X
That’s so true! Thank you for me I volunteer in a way that I’m by myself and I get to pick when I do it which I love because some weeks I don’t do any because I’m just having a bad week. However the issue comes in when I could possibly do something that is similar to my voluntary work but paid but it’s the risk of losing my UC which was a pain to get in the first place. So if I were to get a job but couldn’t handle it I would it which is also a big contention for me at the moment which my posts problem
again thank you for you post, appreciate it!
Yes I totally understand. My son was fortunate because we managed to keep him on PIP as long as possible and then he went on to Employment Support Allowance and did a number of hours of ‘permitted work’ at the same time. Then when HE felt he was ready, he applied for full time work. Try and do what you enjoy and go gently. You have your whole life ahead of you. X
Hi Cows4life
The trick is to find something where you have control over your own schedule, and also what doesn't wear you down too much.
This 'but you look normal' is something rhat happens regardless of age, I am afraid, though it would be worse at a young age.
I had some twit seniors try to cut me off entering a handicapped parking spot, I had to swerve to avoid an accident - he had jammed on the gas to stop me. I pulled into a parking spot to get away, it wasn't a great one logistically but I figured I was safe. Nope. They pulled in beside me and she got put if the car and started yelling at me. I just kept using the side of my car for support and got my walker out of the back. When she saw it it still took her a good 10 seconds to wind down. OH! She says. Apology? Not a chance.
I wish I could say this sort of crap stops. It doesn't.
It's hard also because we had and have ideas of what we would rather be doing with life and it just rubs it in.
Do talk to Headway and see if they have ideas of what you could maybe train in or how - even though you have picked something I feel it is still good to be aware of all your options, there may be something you haven't considered. Also a lot of places that offer training or education do have a duty to accommodate, but may assess whether you can do the work or not.
For example I have a friend with a different kind of learning disorder and she knows the material- she can pass a verbally conducted exam but not a written one.
If you are happy doing bovine foot and hoof care, and you can manage it, I say that's grand. It's certainly very necessary for their health.
Keep in mind your brain will figure out more as time goes by - it took me a good 10 years to ditch the walker. I say do your best to remain curious and keep doing the stuff that's a bit hard because you may just get there eventually.
Worst case - you keep volunteering. That's a totally noble way to spend time.
Oh. I just remembered.my local grocery hires disabled people to stock shelves overnight. There may be things like that around you could try. No cows trying to kick you though, so it may not be your jam.
I am sorry your friends are so ignorant, though a lot of people are. Not everyone, though.
I have noticed other people with bi tell others they are an artist or a writer.
One got a job as a lunch lady at a school - short work hours and lots of days off. (Men can do that job as well.)
Keep us posted.
Leaf
Thank you I appreciate what you’ve said, I think people will always been painful and difficult and unfortunately are going to say things that hurt but I’ve just got to ignore them even though it can be hard some days. I think you’re right though doing stuff that helps keep me on my toes to a certain degree with help with the fatigue, I know my fatigue levels have gotten better over the last year or 2. I will indeed keep everyone posted
Let's start with, I was 17 when I suffered my life changing TBI and I didn't work again for 10 years, and even then it was to a different career (that I didn't like) and wasn't fun for 30+ years (I'm retired now thankfully). You seem to be doing fine so don't beat yourself up, give it time, you're a new person. You probably need to be more assertive and educate the doubters about your invisible issues. That's both important in your personal life and whichever working path you may eventually choose to follow. Plenty of useful information on the Headway website headway.org.uk/about-brain-...
Thank you I appreciate it I think you’re right I need to educate others, it’s just at times exhausting and frustrating especially when it’s people that I know and know about my accident, but were too lazy to educate themselves before seeing me again
That's the way it is. Don't be too hard on people or waste time trying to understand them. They act on what they see. I felt like crap for years, had residual left side paralysis and was, and still am unsteady on my feet, lost my confidence etc and even years after I started work I had people tell me that they didn't know that there was anything up with me. My GP used to be great at giving time off if I was stressed but I don't think that my family ever got why and I didn't really communicate it to them so I'm just as guilty. I only had to get tough at work when we had major organisational changes and it was fight or give up work. Fortunately I was in the public sector where that sort of thing gives someone a job. If I was to suggest a work path I'd say look at public sector jobs. If you get the right one then the terms and conditions are usually second to none, as is the pension, The pay isn't always the best but it's often good enough.
Bit older than you so don't get the having to live up to job expectations etc. Working part time gives me a plus in getting out to see people and chat. Have you explained how much volunteering is a positive to you? You could explain it as a stepping stone as part of your recovery. It's also a way to assess what you can manage and for how long. As far as jobs go what do you like doing? Eg if you like being outside look at a job that gets you out. Don't get stuck in front of a computer for hours. Is there a local Headway group you could meet with. Mine are great as they are the few people who understand without having to do lots of explaining. Good luck.
My aim is bovine hoof trimming, I have a very keen interest and have been around cows all my life. This I think will be great as I’ll be able to dictate when I work and for how long, it’s just the now. Finding something that will help me work my fatigue so that I can work for a few days a week and that won’t completely ruin me when I do start working self employed but it’s just finding it
That's quite specific but great to have a goal. Could you look into volunteering in a farm, zoo, smallholding as a starting point?
In my own experience, I had a stroke when I was 13 and have, until recently, tried to persist in workplaces as if I was as normal as everyone else. The trouble is, my symptoms of fatigue, motor control, mood, and communication would make it difficult to hold down work, especially in an already competitive workplace environment.
Finally getting a Pension has given me relief by providing a financial backstop and basically leaving it up to me as to whether I work or not, that way I can find suitable jobs that I know definitely suit what I can do, and how variable my symptoms can be on a particular day and work environment.
Your far better off not over-extending yourself with work, and for that reason alone don't ever think you have to keep up with normal people around you, because they probably won't understand and might not even want to in the first place.
Just gradually feel out what work you can and can't do, keeping in mind different days and workloads will impact your Brain Injury differently.
Hang out with people that are relatively non-judgemental. Not everyone is meant to be your friend.
Yeah I’m in a similar position with money, I get UC so that helps with money problems but it’s a mixture of wanting to earn my own money and having a purpose but you’re right I shouldn’t push myself, I’m just finding it hard at the moment and I don’t know why. And you’re right about friends, but it’s hard finding new friends when I find social interactions hard and I don’t have a way of making new friends because I don’t work. And it’s just a constant cycle🙄😂
Hi
You are doing so well and recovery is long but don't let your brain injury define you and keep pushing to do what you want. There is always a way it may not be easy or straight forward but just keep going. I suffered my brain injury in 2008 and over 10 years later I have completed an undergraduate degree and now completing post graduate studies. I'm 24 currently and my brain injury still proves to throw challenges up and catches me off guard.
Regarding the 'you look normal' that will keep happening and only people who have gone through a similar experience will ever ask and its completely upto you whether you want to tell them. With my scars they are either hidden with my hair or mistaken for a haircut. The look normal have both its up sides and downsides. The upsides is people don't ask or stare but the downsides it people don't understand how much a brain injury can affect a person.
Keep your chin up life is yours for the taking.
My suggestions would be with employers be open and honest then they can best support you. May not work for everyone but having coping mechanisms in place for limitations can help. if short term memory is an issue use reminders on your phone or calendar can be very beneficial.
I hope this helps
Adnan
Thank you, that means a lot ☺️ i think I’ve found my biggest problem to be is most of the time I don’t doubt myself and I know that I will get to where I want to but it’s those days were your fatigue is bad and your head hurts and nothings helping and those dark thoughts get in and that’s when I think these bad things but I need to realise these days are gonna happen but I can’t believe these thoughts and know that everything is fine and both I and everyone on here has overcome so much! Thank you for your post it’s greatly appreciated
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