Do it get better?

My husband is 4 months in to his recovery. I'm his caregiver. We have no family support and basically it's just me. We also have four small children as well. Every day I end up crying because I don't see the light in my husband eyes no more. He's depressed and has no patients. I sometime don't want to even start the day off. My question is does it get better? The doctor don't give us answers all they say we have to wait and see. It's so frustrating. Any advise would be helpful


11 Replies

  • It must be so hard for you with 4 young children. I wish I could wave a magic wand and tell you it will improve. He certainly ought to improve a bit more, 4 months is still quite a short time. I assume you are in the USA? Is there some sort of day care he can go to occasionally to give you a break? It is very important not to neglect yourself, if you collapse, so will everything else. Have you seen your doctor to see if a short course of anti-depressants will help you cope better?

    Wishing you all the luck in the world.


  • desire you dont say wether hes recovering from a traumatic brain injury due to a car accident or an aquired brain injury due to a stroke, one thing is for sure he has mood swings from what you were saying.

    you may find youre getting your husbands frustration mixed up with depression.

    to be perfectly honest, you cant learn about brain injury from a book and although youre his wife youll never understand, you cant, because you havent got a brain injury ( and i wouldnt wish it on any one ).

    a book that might help is called " within touchin distance " its the story of the recovery of the olympic rower james cracknell and beverley turner, also if you can find a headways group near you, give him a chance to meet and discuss problems hes having and for you to have a moan with the little darlings who look after us.

  • He was shot in the head and I am looking for a group for him thanks you

  • desire dont forget the book

  • I'm not looking it to it now thanks

  • Hey, my husband is 7months in recovery & I would say he's 90/95% back to himself. I read your post & I was you...... I have 3 small children, my husband was depressed & had NO patients wot so ever, I cried every single day & could not see an end to it. At one point I thought I was having a nervous breakdown as I felt so alone & isolated. My husband didn't want sex anymore after 11 years of having a healthy sex life & he didn't seem to care about anything which was very hard to see. Please just hang in there & take it week by week. We had the same problem with neuro psychologist, occupational therapists, doctors..... it's so frustrating as you look to them for answers or time limits. It's only now after reading a lot that I understand why they can't. Not sure if your husband is getting help from any of these people but the Nero psychologist came to are house once ever 2weeks & they have helped us no end. I found it did me good talking to people & letting off steam. If you have any questions or want my contact number I'm more than happy to talk to you if you want. My husband is only 35 & im 40 so we're not to old. It will get better 😘xx

  • Thank you for replying. Did your husband have any trouble walking etc..? My husband is upset because he can't walking like he used too and his left arm haven't move yet. He was shot in the head for his wallet on new year eve. He's 33 and I'm 31. I cry every morning

  • My husbands right foot was limp but luckily it corrected itself but apart from that all his body parts worked ok other than he was very unsteady on his feet. I met someone in the hospital & her brother couldn't move his left side at all or walk & it was his 2nd time he'd had a brain tumour & she seemed fine with it as she said that happened to him last time & within 5/6months everything was working again but he did have physio. Is your husband having regular physio? Xx

  • Yes he do and plus I make him get up and walk around as well thank you so much for the hope !

  • It's such a horrible thing that's happened to your husband & I really feel for you. You do right to make him get up & walk around, I'd do the same. I know it's so hard to stay positive & look after your husband & little ones all by yourself but you've managed to do 4months & the 1st 4 months are the worst so you should be proud of that. You've come this far & sound like your doing an amazing job. Try & stay positive for him if you can!!! Also speak to your kids teachers at school, my kids school have bin amazing with me & they've really supported me emotionally & financially xx

  • Yes, I’m speaking as one who sustained a brain injury a little over three years ago. First I am very sorry you, your husband, and children are having to going through this. I know it probably seems quite impossible right now, especially having four small children to take care of too. Some of the things that will get better is your ability to deal with all of it will improve. You and he are having to learn new ways of dealing with the situation you have been put in. Is it fair? No. You will both figure out compensating strategies to deal with many of the changes. One of the things I learned was we actually go through a grieving process for the loss of how the person was and how things were. Similar to when someone passes away, only they are still alive, now they are a different person than they once were. If you are in the UK definitely, contact Headway If in the US, see if there is a Brain injury organization in your area for - See the free resources here for more hope. And lastly never give up. By this I mean don’t take no for an answer from your doctors. I know it is hard with everything else you have to take care of, but be politely persistent in finding answers to your questions and getting the care you and your family may need. No one cares more about you and your family more than you do. So just because the health care providers are unwilling or unable to give the help need for your situation, don’t let that stop you from getting that help You have to be your own best doctor. Please feel free to contact me if I can answer any other questions for you. I wish you peace and comfort and that you are able to find the resources, treatments, and anything else you need to improve your lives.

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