I have been talking to my family tonight about general stuff, we have little meetings when we need to chat about stuff, and my brain recovery came up as we were talking about riding next year and I asked the kids how they generally feel about me and how they thought my Bi recovery was going. I was a little taken aback by their answers and what they had to say along with what my wife had to say too.
They all agree that I am now version 2 (V2) and that V2 is not as nice as V1 but he's getting there. They have issues with what happened and I really feel for them ( wife and kids) as they were all there when I had my accident. They have their own individual way of dealing with the incident and I'm sure it made them feel better, no i know I'm sure because they said so. For them its the first time we have all discussed it at length and got very honest about how we feel about it. I have changed and I know I have and dealing with it and accepting it is difficult but I'm getting there. My emotions and love for my wife and kids isa enormous but my love for my parents and my sister has changed; I just don't have any for them. This is strange and I guess I need to discuss this with my local headway group. I have been advising others to talk to their local headway centres but not gone myself. I need to go and take my family with me.
The advice I need is should I do this? I know I should and will but should I go alone first then they can go later or do I ask the centre about how I should speak to them as I suppose a counciling session. Im damb sure it would benefit me and my wife and kids but I need help in approaching the centre. Im sure I could just call them and ask.
I have got so much help from this forum in my journey from May the 16th when I had my accident and I'm really humble for the people out there that have helped me. Its only tonight that I think iv realised that V2 is here to stay and I have to accept it and learn from whats happened. I still have a lot of V1 in me but V2 is the Bi me and with that comes some consequences. Short on emotion and care in some circumstances and brain fatigue and little time to pause and take the family in. Strange really because with out this forum and you guys here who the hell else would, could I talk to that would understand.
Im sure I will get some advice back and I'm looking forward to it. Have a happy peaceful Sunday evening.XX N
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MXman
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Hi MX, I still think it's pretty soon to think this is the you forever. I'm three and a half years on and it took a long time before I thought the V2 of me was the permanent one.
I had very few feelings towards anyone after my hospital stay in 2012, I just rode it out, worked on getting as much of me bak as I could and I found that my ability to relate to everyone else grew with it.
But it was last year, 2014, before I could say that this is me, I'm in the real world now, it was like I was in a parallel universe for those 2 years.
So don't be too quick to say this is me, take me or leave me, particularly if what you are going to say will hurt others. Brain injury recovery is measured in years not months, I was told at least 2 years, with me my recovery is now at 3and a half and I feel there will still be more to come.
A child's brain wiring takes years, from baby to reading can take in excess of 5 years, this is what is happening to some areas of your brain. Ability to relate and interact with others can take many many years.
I know you want it all to be as it was as soon as, but try to be as patient as possible. Believe me it's been so hard for me to learn that it doesn't help that I am 62 years of age and the clock is ticking, I had so much I wanted to do with my life, I'm trying to find ways of achieving as many as possible, at least I am here to do that.
Thank you for the uplifting replies, it was a difficult day yesterday for me. Feel much better today after talking through with them but your all absolutely right I have a long way to go. No Cat just my wife and kids. Im going to call My local headway this morning and have a chat with them.
I'm so glad you're not planning to divulge your feelings to your parents & sister N. After the stress and sadness they must have been through as a result of your accident, they surely don't deserve more.
If my son told me he'd lost all affection for me I'd be heartbroken, whatever the circumstances.
I hope you'll allow some passage of time ; at least another 12 months, before deciding on who you really are, and before making any hasty decisions. x
This may be too late but when I contacted my local Headway I was terrified. It was my GP who recommended then. After the first phone call a lovely lady who works for Headway arranged to come and meet me at my home and my husband was also there. I found it really helpful. I think I might have bottled out if I had to go straight to a group of people I didn't know. But as I had met someone, when I did go to a group I already knew someone. She also suggested which group would be best for a start. (I went to a group of about 5 people initially). When she came out she also explained to my husband what support was available for him, if he felt he needed it.
Hi Random, Im looking forward to meeting headway and I hope its not too far away. X
Four years in and my wife and i laugh about how i was at your stage, i had no idea what i was like of course, now i look back in horror lol. Im now a much better person than that and in some respects better than before the accident, so much so thst i suffer with guilt that i am actually happier because of this terrible thing. Time heals all, but thats what it wil take, Time, we all want it to happen sooner, but its an ongoing process that can be measured in decades not months.
Yes there is a V2 after the accident, then there is V3 when you become more aware of how you are, and the problems and you fall in the black pit and climb out again and again. Then there is V4 when you are looking to restructure and planning for the future, your finances are sorting themselves out and you have a routine and you and your family have a group of friends who are brain injury friendly. V5 is your new life.
I really find this like me. One day I can be really good and out of the black pit and the next some how iv fallen backwards back in it with out knowing. I think I'm at V3! I'm aware of whats happening to me and the problems but as said often fall back into V2. XX N
It's a journey, N, and we all take our different paths. I'm on a similar timeline to you, injury-wise, but I've hit a snag on the old 'recovery'. It's not a snag, it's me, it's me trying to be the 'old' me, when I know damned well I'm not. Found another health issue this morning, and tried to 'put it on the shelf', and just get through my day at work. I'm sitting on the floor, at home, with a book, and a cup of tea, when I should be at work, after REALLY wanting to tell an external visitor to go and stick her head up a pig, and then nearly jumping out of the window when a new-ish member of staff touched my shoulder.
It'll sound hypocritical, coming from me, who refuses to accept help from anyone, but yes, yes, and yes, contact Headway, maybe go in yourself at first, to explain what you perceive the needs to be, before bringing the family along. I know that sounds sly, and I know, in a way, I'm talking as if I'm talking to myself, but I'm the only point of reference I have. Relationships will change, because we changed, we didn't mean to, but we might not 'change back', and other people are going to need help to understand and accept that. (I'm still refusing to 'change back' into the bloody housemaid, by the way.)
I spoke to my local Headway last week, not about me, but about a child I'm working with who is now sole carer for a brain-injured parent, the wider family having opted-out because Mum is angry, and says horrible things. That's what I asked Headway for, advocacy for the girl, for the 'experts' to explain to wider family that the mother isn't deliberately being awful, and some strategies to diffuse their responses to her. Rambling. Headway were fantastic, and understood immediately the wider-family difficulties, and the tremendous strain the girl is under.
mxman ask the question leave yourself open to the truth!!!
all joking aside fair play that you and your family have dicussed the new you.....some theyll love a great majority ( moods aggression intolerance theyll hate ) , but like you youre all on an exciting journey ....how will the new you devolpe.
you say about youre siblings, i have a daughter living in dubai,my wife skypes her every week, i might say hello but i wont sit down and chat to her......i love her i just havent got anything to say.....besides that my bi has left me with the bad language syndrome...i swear constantly without knowing it.
i dont think you need counciling with a loving family like yours....i dont know how old your children are ( or was it for mum and dad ) ?,
I swear all the time but I did before my Bi so I can't use that as an excuse. My kids are my son age 13 and my daughter age 15, it was so lovely to discuss it with them and they cam back with some fantastic clever questions and ideas just showed me that it had really affected them and still does, not just the day it happened but their journey to deal with it and me. So proud of them. N
I guess you answered your question before I got here...but I would say always, always take whatever help you can get.
If you had broken your leg so you had been told you would need rehab to walk again, I doubt you would think twice about it. This is the same, only it is the brain, emotions and relationships which need retraining and rebuilding.
Now feeling humble, just read all the replies again and again and clicked the like button loads.
I spoke to headway this morning and it was really helpful, they are going to send me a pack and forms so I can go and see them to discuss any issues I have. As said I will go and see them first then hopefully take my wife after I have seen what its about. I was very nervous calling them funny because I'm not usually nervous abut stuff but this I was. Time is what Im accepting I need and I love your versions star drop. I realise that its really early days and as said above on my journey and its just begun. XX N
well done on convincing your self to get in touch with headway
oh dear my head has staled oppps sorry mx man have just seen your name but have fogot what i was givin it never mind ill read again an try later when i stop giggling at my self
thank you for putting up wiv mmeeeeeee
oh yea headway wen i went i found pepole a lot worse than me an i was quite bad this made me feel like i shoul not be there wasting there time an i was wrong
anybody that needs to go to anyone if there is a need should go
I went through having a subarachnoid haemorrhage earlier this year and it deeply affected my family. So I decided to do a video blog on my story so that others who had been through something similar could relate to it. I also booked myself some therapy sessions with a physiciatrist and this has really helped me see things from a different perspective.
Here is the link to my family and friends Vlog but if you have a chance try and see all 3. As I'm hoping it will help others even your family to watch it.
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