This might not be apt for this site: Why is it when... - Headway


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This might not be apt for this site


Why is it when a middle aged guy lives by himself then ppl think there must be something weird going on?

Just cos they are needy then they assume you must be.

20 Replies

It can be the same for a woman too. I know. 🤔🌸

Perhaps because some smug, socially inept people with life partners and/or children distrust anyone not in that club?

Their suspicion should become an "ism" of some sort. Singleism? Single lives matter? SLM? Perhaps not; definitely sounds deviant, that last one.

'Singleism': defined as a deep-rooted irrational suspicion of people who don't conform to being one-half of a life partnership/have children or wear a badge to explain themselves.

Ohhh.... The number of people who are actually jealous of the single lifestyle and disguise it with inappropriate derision.

I always reply to "marital status" questions with "happily divorced".

Sometimes it's the best way to live 👌

Painting-girl in reply to moo196

Ditto - I always say happily divorced 👍

I do notice how very sociable, resilient, and resourceful my single friends are though

Some people are SO judgemental. Try not to let them get you down.

Hi Spidy, can't say I have ever really noticed, I think I have lived most of my life on my tod, save for a couple of failed marriages.

Until covid I only knew neighbours on one side of my terrace house, although I did meet a load of the community a few years back when my pit pony of a dog went for a run with me attached. Yes man can fly without wings, well at least for maybe four metres, then gravity kicks in, hard (long story). I now know neighbours on both sides.

The only time I have felt uncomfortable was when I shared a flat with my brother, we are chalk a cheese, and some assumed we were a couple.

We are nurtured into thinking there are certain norms in society, anything that doesn't comply with the standard, is potentially a threat: all gay men will hunt children// WRONG, all black men are muggers// WRONG. This is a human flaw, we want everything to fit in a neat tidy box, which is a stereotype, most of us don't see conformity as a stereotype, because it is the largest group, so some stereotype the smaller groups or individuals as abnormal, a danger. Is it right? No it's not! Even the most open minded of people, can feel threaten by something or someone they don't understand.

It is, in some ways perfectly natural, and probably goes back to to the caveman, when different, was either prey or hunter. In the modern era, there is still an element of this, but we have social rules, and law's that protect most of us.

cat3 in reply to Pairofboots

'prey or hunter' that Boots !

Pairofboots in reply to cat3

Hi Cat, most of our emotions, and reactions are based on fight, flight, or freeze, when that was a matter of survival.

We still have those instincts, but have modified them as we have evolved. Communication, and our manipulation of our environment has superceded their usefulness to a large extent.

I don't know if you have watched Chris Packhams new series on smart animals. It demonstrates how some of our instinctive abilities mean that three animals who have evolved from a common species, but have evolved in isolation to eachother speak the same language, at least as far as sign language. The three animals are chimpanzee, benoboes, and human.

Ok it is technically possible, but little humans, upto about 4yrs, use exactly the same signs for identical reason's. This shows that we still maintain some of communication skills that are instinctive. Speech developes in the case of humans, and negates the need to develop a full sign language.This was something I hadn't known previously.

I used to teach in the NHS, much was about communication, or more often miscommunication. We still possess a primative brain, the hypothalamus, this has recently been found to be more involved, in managing the modern brain, the cortex.

Anger, aggression, anxiety is controlled by the primative brain. Unfortunately it doesn't do complex communication, so messages to this need to be exact and to the point, it doesn't recognise negative words, like don't (don't hit me, primative brain hears hit me) . You have to trick the modern brain into communication, ask a question (primative brain can't respond to questions, so it has to ask modern brain to answer).

I could talk about this subject for hours, but I won't on this occasion. I will leave you with my favourite question. How many brains does the human body have? 😉

Two (head & gut). 🥴 x

spideyman in reply to cat3

I thought a guy had 3 brains. Head, stomach and balls

Pairofboots in reply to cat3

Sorry you and spideyman are way off 😂

1 that used to be completely split in 2 millions of years ago

Keep trying Spidey, I learnt it many moons ago when I was on a course with other supposed experts, we found that we had only scratched the surface. I'll give you a clue, the head has two, but there are many more 😉

Give in

Eyes, nostrils, ears, eyebrows?

I did write an explanation to the answer last night that appears to have vanished. Maybe after spending five hours wrestling with the Asda app, I forgot to press the submit button.

The short answer is at least 30. I will explain if you ask, but I am, hoping you will just accept my word 😟

Explain please as I’m very inquisitive

I was afraid you'd say that! The answer is at least thirty.

Ok, the brain dose a lot of thinking. But it concentrates on cognitive functioning, and gross movement.

The mini brains have a limited memory and function only after the gross movement has been initiated.

EXAMPLE: Walking, most people don't consciously think, just one foot in front of the other, we don't particularly worry about the angle our foot lands in relation to the surface, and unless particularly treacherous we don't think of what the surface is made of.

This is because the ankle independently adjust to account for any imbalance. The ankle has a mini brain.

If you sprain your ankle, it forgets what it's job is, therefore you are likely to injury the same ankle again and again, until the ankle reboots its memory.

In the case of the ankle, it would take too long for the head to take on the fine adjustments, and it would prevent your head taking in the wider environment, so head abdicate responsibility to the ankle.

Like many of us here that have a BI, the mini brains have one function, but need the gross movement to activate it. In the case of a brain injury, those gross movements are disrupted, and in some cases other parts of the brain take on the job of the damaged part. This activates a new pathway, and don't automatically talk to the mini brains.

This is why rehab is important, to force the brain to regain the gross movement, but unfortunately the fine adjustments take longer to get in the program, if at all.

Now there could be a debate if these satellite brains are really brains, but they contain exactly the same cells as the brain in the head, they can maintain limited memory, and they can function independently after the gross movement is initiated.

The heart has a unique mini brain, it doesn't need the head, but it is effected by hormones, and it can misfire, but generally it just keeps the heart beating.

So think of any action that takes fine adjustment, there will be a mini brain.

Hope this makes sense. A tricky answer to a question that is not a trick 😂

So the brains aren’t actually physical

They are physical and can be identified. The cells act as other cells act in the head. The only debate is if because they are brain cells, and act on their own without cognitive input from the brain in the head, can they really be called a brain? But without them, we would find balance difficult, our limb's would jump about, and we probably wouldn't be able to do fine manipulation with our hands. The other point is they do not have a consciousness, or personality.

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