Unwilling to get help

[DMreader]

My partner suffered a fall down stairs and major brain trauma, after six months in hospital came home. She is unwilling to work with any professional person, doctors, physios, SLT nurses. Because she Doesn’t think she has a problem. Has anyone else had this?

[ScubaD]

Sounds like she is in denial. It can be a traumatic experience coming to terms with the realisation that you are not the person before the trauma.

Get in touch with Headway the organisation who helps people who have suffered a head injury and their family with advice and support.

The issues can be complex for both sides. Headway have a helpline with a qualified nurse who can guide and inform you. They also have a website where you can access and or download information on head injury and its short term and long term effects.

I have experienced two head injuries but did not know about them. Coming to terms is not an easy process. Go at their pace but be informed by the information from your health professionals and Headway, they really are on your side.

My very best wishes to you all.

[DMreader in reply to ScubaD]

Thanks for your advice, I have already been in contact with headway and found them very supportive. Thank you

[cat3]

This is such a common issue DM and naturally one which causes big problems for carers and loved ones. For many, the first thought after regaining awareness after brain injury is one of 'I'll be fine if everyone just lets me do things MY way'.

I guess it's denial ; we couldn't possibly admit to being impaired long term. Dependency is too scary to contemplate. So we kick off at all attempts to save us from ourselves, believing determination & perseverance to be all that's required.

At one point in rehab my son introduced me to a social services lady who advised me to accept a panic button and some alterations in the home as I live alone. I was furious, and asked my poor, lovely son "What the hell are you thinking ?" I couldn't believe that I, who'd always been so independent, could ever be considered less than extremely able to overcome my 'temporary' incapacities.

I remember my aggressive, tearful outburst only a week after discharge, when insisting on walking out to the local shops alone whilst family were insisting my mobility was unsafe. They let me go but followed at a (not so) discreet distance and had to prop me up all the way home, whilst I of course insisted I was fine.

Have you tried stepping back DM and allowing your partner to discover her strengths & weaknesses for herself whilst keeping a furtive look out from a safe distance ? I gradually learned my limits, sometimes by overstepping them and paying with bed-rest/headaches, etc., but also that a helping hand doesn't have to mean failure.

Cat x

[DMreader in reply to cat3]

Hi, she definitely wants to do things her way. And without outside help in any form. I try and encourage her to do as much as she wants. The family kept wanting to wrap her in cotton wool, but I let her do things in her own time, and she has progressed very well, still not back on her bike, but I am sure that will come when she wants it. Thanks for your reply.

[RogerCMerriman in reply to DMreader]

For myself I had to try and fail, plus the headway groups to see others to slowly gain the insight, I luckily? Fell through the gaps so had no rehabilitation early on as I was very resistant to the idea that I was changed I though everything was fine!

[cat3 in reply to DMreader]

Your partner sounds like a force to be reckoned with ; a useful quality so long as she can be persuaded to respect her body's need for rest when fatigue demands, otherwise a meltdown could set her back and seriously impede the good progress she's making.

Please keep us updated on how things are going DM. All best wishes to you both. Cat x

[wose]

It is classified as lack of 'insight' and a symptom you witness when caring for someone with a brain injury. I had it with my husband after a RTA and it made advocating and accessing help for him very troublesome at times.

If you call headway and ask for info on lack of insight after a brain injury, they have a lot of information and wisdom.