Don’t give up hope

[thrillseeker]

Hello there as it stands I haven’t posted for some time due to really poor mental health and so on.... right where to start first of all I had this injury that isn’t getting any better so yes one can say things with out even thinking about the out come of it I say things all the time with out thinking and the main problem is I shouldn’t have said it at all I see that now because I have nearly ended my life multiple times walking up to the Peak District to end it all because I say lift your top to my stepdaughter I am not a sec offender and due to this one thing I am going to court, the social worker wouldn’t talk to me she told my partner that if I stay in the family home we would risk losing all out children I am sure there maybe loads of people out there that may what’s to judge me but clearly if you do then please know the facts as me and my stepdaughter would joke about stuff like that like when her mum walks in the same room we would both say shhhh and not while your mum is here and so on, I am in a crisis house that should have ended yesterday but because I ran off Sunday evening they called the police and I managed to clear my head and I was on my way back clearly because my partner told me if I was to end my life we can’t get married and I wouldn’t see my kids grow up and how heart breaking that would be on them all, I turned around and on my way back the police rang me and said we have had a report for your safety and well-being, as I said to the officer on the phone I said well if your talking to me there is no concern... and I said i was going back to the crisis house he then asked me to explain where I was and if I could stick to the road I said yeah sure I will keep jogging down this road Whitley wood road and when I get to the end I will stop and wait for your officer to collect me and we can talk when I am back at the crisis house, patrol van pulls up and I get in as he asked me what my intention was I replied well I was going to go to a bridge and end it he then added well am glad you didn’t because we have already had one today and he’s in a critical condition, arriving back at the crisis house I open up to the staff and tell them all though diazepam helps it doesn’t stop the thoughts and me wanting to end my life, the officer said to be honest ian if it hadn’t had been you that made that choice to turn around things would be different and I would have been held under wha ever section he said the main focus is that I am trying to get better and stay with my family my partner is the best and I love her more than she knows

[Marnie22]

Hi. If you need support from Headway, the helpline number is 0808 800 2244. They are brilliant.

I had life changing support from an organisation called Maytree when I needed help. They really saved me. I had a lot of support over the phone (they can ring you back,) but I also went to stay at their respite centre for five days and it totally changed my life. I checked on their website and they are pausing their residential stays temporarily because of Coronavirus, but will resume them as soon as they can. Their telephone service is available from 10 am to 6 pm on 020 7263 7070. They really are amazing people, so compassionate and supportive. They have a website you can look at - maytree.org.uk

I hope you can find the help that you need and can start to feel better. It is possible, I experienced it.

Take care. 🌸🙂

[thrillseeker in reply to Marnie22]

I don’t know where to turn or where to go I don’t like talking on the phone I have been left for so long and struggle to talk

[Marnie22 in reply to thrillseeker]

You can also contact Maytree by email - [e-mail]

There is also a contact form on their website.

They are truly wonderful people, I hope that you can find a way to contact them.

[thrillseeker in reply to Marnie22]

Wow thank you hugs

[thrillseeker in reply to Marnie22]

I am still hanging in I have hope and I also have faith, if I am aloud home after all of this I will be so happy if not then I will have to work on my self and get the help and support I truly need to get better I do find that I have been thinking and if I am not aloud she said she will wait for me 16 years wait wow

[Marnie22 in reply to thrillseeker]

Good to hear from you. Take care. 🙂🌸

[thrillseeker in reply to Marnie22]

But 16 years I would be 59 that’s a long time

[Pairofboots]

Hi, I can't comment on the original cause of your situation.

But I have had to fight that demon, I can't cope, life is not go to change, I'm more trouble than life is worth.

It took maybe five or six years of cockups, GP's messing with what they don't understand, and living with a abusive relationship.

I'm not going to say stick with it, it gets better, or think of others, or you never know what is around the corner.

You have your own demon's to struggle with, and I can't imagine your struggles.

I was lucky, I had a good rehab team that initially caught me, and from talking, I learnt to recognise when a hiccup was arriving, and the darkness was descending, so I knew to reach out. The last crisis did catch me out, but because the GP had messed up, I was referred to the neuro team, and they caught me.

It's been three or four years now since my last crisis, and I plod on. The demons are still there, sitting on my shoulder. But instead of looking at a brick wall, there is a doorway in the wall, and I can open the door. I still have trouble planning, but that is because I can't sequence ideas, but there are chincs of inspiration.

The only advice I can give, even in this strange world we currently live in, is to reach out for help, however strong the demons are, you are stronger. Yes there is Headway, but there are also GP's, the Samaritans, the vicar, the priest, the Iman, the Rabbi, family, and friends.

Look after yourself and keep safe.

[thrillseeker in reply to Pairofboots]

Wow thank You Pairofboots that means a lot