husband in a rta and has brain injury

hello all x

am susan .on the 4th of july 2016 I had 2 traffic police at my house ,at the time I didn't know they were taffic police as I have not had a lot of dealings with the police.we they asked me if I was susan Jeffery I said yes then they asked who my husband was ,they then tell me he has had a head on smash with a van that he has been air lifted to hull royal infirmary with a head injury ,at this point I was on the here we are trying to live with a brain injury .any advice will be great as I don't know were to stat I have been in contact with CAB and have to go see them next week

35 Replies

  • I'm sure everyone here will feel the sense of sadness I'm feeling after reading this Susan. It will be a mixture of shocking and unreal for you right now and all you can do is take things one stage at a time to allow your mind to take in such a scary & unexpected event.

    We have several folk here who have had catastrophic brain injuries yet come through, and returned to their loved ones. But I hope your husband's injuries are less serious than they might have been ; it will be evident quite soon I expect.

    Meanwhile, get all the support you can from family/friends............and know that we will be thinking of you. Please update us if you can. I'm so sorry you have to be here at all Susan but you are so very welcome at this awful time.

    We will be here to try and reassure and comfort you.

    Sincere best wishes for a good outcome for you and your man. Cat x

  • Thank you he has returned home but It is evident that things are going to take time after the brain bleed .my husband however thinks he can just jump back into his old life :( I have told him this won't be possible for a while he also has broken ribs and is lucky to have his left ear still . Just finding it hard couse he a stubborn so and so

  • Susan, I've just checked back to see that your husband's injury was on the 4th July, less than a week ago ! Firstly, he has done amazingly well to be home so soon which bodes really well for his recovery.

    Don't worry about his sleeping much more than usual ; brains rely on shutting down for healing purposes. I remember thinking for the first year after a brain haemorrhage that I should apply for a place in the Guinness Book Of Records for the amount I slept !

    It has regulated automatically with time so I now have the standard 8 hours, and never sleep in the daytime.

    And we think we know what's best for us. After discharge from a 2 month hospital stay, I immediately ordered a new, bright yellow, bike to prove that I wasn't just better but 'better than ever'. It took one outing to prove me wrong.

    The headaches were constant for the first few months but, with time, they've become more manageable. My main issues now (4+ years on) are a short term memory problem and irritability which I didn't have before the injury.

    We're all different, but these symptoms which most of us here share are documented as almost inevitable after any type of brain trauma.

    There might be be other issues you'll want to compare notes on, so please don't hesitate to ask, even if it's only to offload how you're feeling. Cat xx

  • Hi Irish Rose,

    I feel for you and I know what your going through as many on here will do its a tough time but as cat says take one day at a time and listen to whats been talked about from the doctors. I too had a brain bleed 3 of them and can remember thinking straight back to work back to the old life. Your husband will think that he can genuinely go straight back to his old life as if nothing has happened as I thought I could do this is not the case. He needs to listen to his body and rest and take all this in. Speak to Headway too there will be a local office near you, call their helpline which is on this hear site. One thing is for sure rose you are in the right place for friendly help and advice from follow brain injury sufferers. Have a positive Monday. Nick Xx

  • Oh Susan, how I remember those first days after a brain injury. I am so pleased you have found this site so early, it took me many years. Do keep posting on here, there is a wealth of information from the community. If you haven't already contacted Headway then do so ASAP where you can get lots of practical information. Your husband will be very confused and anxious at the moment, it is normal and your life will be on hold for a while until you find out how much he recovers. Hopefully, he will get back to as normal as possible in a short time but do be aware that it might take a long while. You will just have to be patient, which is much easier said than done, I'm afraid. Do make sure that you get as much medical support as you need. In my experience it sometimes takes a lot of asking before you get the help, there are long waiting lists for many neurological things at my hospital.

    Lots and lots of best wishes to you both.


  • Sorry to say we hear these accounts of partners with brain injuries who can't grasp the complexity of their recovery process................I was one of them. I hope your husband has a good neuropsychologist to explain what a long process is involved for a healing brain.

    And if you haven't already, please contact the Headway helpline on 0808 800 2244 for professional help and advice on the after effects of brain trauma. They're there during office hours and the calls are free.

    Take care Susan, and take all offers of help in coping with a very demanding and unfamiliar situation. Cat xx

  • ISO sorry to hear this Susan, I can't images what your going through as I was the one who was the brain injured person, but my parents have told me how they felt and reacted when the police knocked on our door. When my parents went to the hospital they were told that it was unlikely I would survive and if I did then I would never walk or talk again. 3 months after my accident I walked out of the hospital saying goodbye. 11&1/2 years later I am living alone with a boyfriend who works away and I am able to do everything every non brain injured person can do, it may take me longer but I get it done. All I can say to you is have 100% faith and beliefe in your husband.

    We are always here if you need to talk, scream, get anger out etc.

    Lisa85 xxx

  • Hi Lisa he is at home now :) but spends a lot of the time asleep

  • When I first came around from my accident I used to sleep a lot, apperently it's the bodies way of recovering itself. Xx

  • i slept a lot of the time for quite a few months after. I also though I was fine and tried to do things I clearly couldn't and should do!

  • He will rose. He will feel exhausted.

  • irishrose you stick with us my sweet we all suffer from brain injury so we re the best ones to advise you .

    is your husband still in hospital ?

    steve x

  • No he home now

  • Hello Susan, what a huge shock for yourself and your husband. I am glad to hear that he is home and on the road to recovery. I'm also glad you have found headway, many families don't seek or receive the support which is one of the biggest problems for someone who has suffered a brain injury... they don't get the support or acknowledgement they greatly need. It is early days, take each day and speak to headway for any support you need. Thinking of you both and available if you need a chat. Katie x

  • Thank you Katie x he has slurred speech his walking not great and has a hearing problem too .but in time I hope he recovers well he also has memory loss

  • Hi Susan,

    So sorry to hear of your situation. Citizen's Advice are great and will advise you on the benefits you are entitled to. Headway too will be a great help. Extreme sleeping is a natural process after brain injury, we have all slept for England during the early stages of recovery ! The brain needs to rest while it makes repairs and will be quicker to fatigue in use. So short bursts of activity/wakefullness in between plenty of naps is normal. Keeping safe while moving about ( walking stick etc ) is important, not sure if balance/co ordination/weakness is an issue. I assume you will have continued access to physical/speech therapies later on if necessary. You may be surprised about how much recovery occurs in the next 6 months.

    Kind regards, Angela x

  • Oh Susan I feel for you both.

    As has been said please contact the headway helpline.

    Your husband's stubbornness could be a real boon in the future as he works on progress .

    .for now rest as much as possible. That goes for both of you.

    We are here for you when you need us.

    Love n hugs to you both


  • hello susan

    jules here.

    so sorry to read that.

    you have a lot of good people here thinking of you.




  • Morning Rose. Hull Royal Infirmary saved my husband's life in 2012, after a burst aneurysm caused a Sub Arachnoid Haemmorrhage and a stroke, so first of all can I say, your husband is in a good hospital.

    You have a very long road ahead of you, but keep strong. The doctors will give you a worst case scenario, they always do, but that is their way of preparing you for that long road.

    Everyone with a brain injury, however they have acquired it, is so different, and so no one can really tell you what the outcome is going to be, but be ready for some very difficult times, lots of ups and downs, and a lot of hard work for both you and your husband.

    Please take comfort from all the great people on here, who are always ready to help and advise. Headway have been a saviour to us over the past years.

    If you would like to "talk" any time, please message me.

    Wishing you both all the very best.

    Molly x

  • Hi Rose,

    Welcome :)

    Firstly, I'm so sorry to hear about your husband........such a shock. I'm glad to hear that he's returned home, and I hope he's now been handed over to a community occupational health team/physiotherapy department to get help with his walking? Likewise his speech. If you have a community team visiting you at home, they should help to arrange rehabilitation for these issues, but if not, you can self refer to speech and language therapy......anyone can.

    I understand his intention to 'get back to normal'. I also called my manager from hospital to ask for a couple of days off. (Only because I couldn't move - not because I thought I had a brain injury). Just getting back to work now nine months on.

    Looking back to last year, I was all over the place with frontal lobe and parietal injuries, but things have vastly improved with time. I'm still 'getting there' but nothing like I was at first, so remember it just takes time. It's not like a broken leg that can be set in plaster and mended in eight weeks. Brains never switch off, even whilemyounsleepmtheyre regulating your breathing, digestive system etc......that's why he's needing the extra sleep.

    I wish you good luck with the recovery and will look forward to updates on his progress. Xxx

  • Uuurrrmmm very close to home for me. I send you my love and hugs and really hope it's not bad xx

  • Hi, I had an aneurysm rupture January this year, luckily my 7 year old daughter got on the phone and called for help, bless her she is so brave & still had a wonderful report from school last week. My children have been amazing and I'm proud of everyone of them during this trying time. After the aneurysm was coiled the drain from my brain was left in to long and I caught bacterial meningitis and was in intensive care for 19 days, I was moved to rehabilitation for 3 months and finally came home fee weeks ago, although I didn't understand why I was in rehab, I can't remember collapsing at home or the hospital where I was for almost 3 months, but from my eldest daughter being told i would probably have severe brain damage if survived at all, I am home, I sleep a lot but i like sleep lol. I'm not driving, but I can walk if someone is with me, I can wash myself, (on my own) lol and can feed myself (my daughter cooks for me) as im bit forgetful and tired. All these things i couldnt do a few months ago (other than sleep) lol.

  • Sorry rose I get side tracked as usual and was going to send my love and wanted say stay strong. I am stubborn myself and it is hard for your husband but he will realise as I did people just want him to get as well as he can get and not trying to boss him around, sleep is good ( I love it) lol stay strong Sam xx

  • Well am in shock I rang up the doctors for sick note they said the doctors has some notes on what went off I said he has slurred speech mobility not good and he has hearing problem she said she will talk to doctor and get back to me.well they have and told me to take him to Aand as doctor not happy with him having issues :( she said he may need another brain scan

  • Please don't be too alarmed Sue. These are all common symptoms after brain surgery/injury which most of us experienced in such early days.

    Hope all goes well with the scan.

    Come back to us when you can. xxx

  • Oh my goodness Susan. What you will be going through my parents and sister went through. Please don't put pressure on yourself because you will be asked to provide support and you can try and understand what's been going on.

    I had a brain injury 21 years ago. Nowadays as opposed to 21 years ago, the health system is more aware of brain injury, so that's a plus.

    Please try to be positive, even though this catastrophic incident has happened for your sake and your husbands. Take time, my dear and please try to endure the battles you will have to face now.

    I really don't know what to say to you but I will pray for husbands recovery. If you need anything please ask on this site.

    Lots of kind wishes, Antoinette.

  • Oh, that must be awful for you. I often think that it was quite easy for me, lying there in a coma, and then lying or sitting around in hospital, not at all sure how I'd ended up there. Obviously I had major problems (balance, eyesight, speech, memory...), but I had people to look after me. My poor old husband - he had a wife in a coma, and then conscious but in a right state, plus a baby, and a toddler. It all must have been so scary for him.

    These things vary, so you can't yet say how your husband will recover, or how well. (Oh, I just saw below that he is home. That is great, but he could well need lots of help. See if there are any NHS rehabilitation services in your area. I had to have regular physiotherapy, plus speech therapy, and see a psychologist.)

    I was in hospital for 8 months, and off work for 18 months, but I have definitely carried on recovering. It takes a long time. Don't give up! He will spend more time awake, but let him sleep as much as he needs to, now.

  • Hiya Susan, I had an RTA on Feb 25th 1994, worth reading my profile & anything I can help with feel free to ask.


  • My brain injury occurred exactly a year after yours in 1995! How are you managing 22 years have passed now. I was just interested to know how a brain injury effected you?


  • There is a lot of good advice here. Perhaps I can offer a perspective 25 years after my horse-riding accident which left me with a closed injury (thanks to my jockey crash cap) but unconscious for 3-4 days, regressing to childhood and having to re-learn a lot. That was pre MRI and yet with brain trauma (compared with their 'bread and butter' work from tumours to Altzheimers) Neurologists are still almost as much in the dark nowadays as then. They can see tumours and bleeds now but, as for the other damage/disruption, every injury is different!

    Perhaps do not expect the consultant to be very helpful - s/he will be very unlikely to give blanket reassurance as they simply do not know what exactly is damaged and what will happen. Someone says above how your own brain takes charge of the repairs - hence making you sleep so much! I can recognise this; as a 26 year old I simply knuckled under and obeyed and I think my brain made a good job. I often wonder whether that habit of cooperation led it to trust me and have two painless, rapid childbirths...

    So I would say to those with TBI "be your brain's helper and cooperative assistant and give it about a year to do what it can do". It is an unexpected pathway that you now find yourselves on and a challenge for all. Some friends and relations will fall by the wayside but some stick by you and, with the internet, we can access so many others in a similar situation which is wonderful! Very best wishes.

  • HI ALL. well today I must say I am feeling quite low I canot get scott to go back the hospital .and on top of that he keeps tring to go in the car to drive it I keep telling him why he carnt and that it is not safe ,all I get is verbal abuse off him its becoming very wery am now at a point were I could pull my hair out :{

  • Oh Gosh, Susan, I don't know what would happen in this case. I would ring the hospital and explain what your GP said and what is going on with Scott - that he seems unaware of his brain injury, is trying to drive and being abusive. You can't be expected to handle this by yourself. I feel that they have let him home too early - even if there is nothing else going on, further bleeds or infection wise, they have clearly underestimated the extent of the effects of the damage. It may be that they will need to come and collect him ? Please keep us posted.

    Angela x

  • thing is they will have a fight on there hands to get him back in now he is out :(

  • ok guys I ended up ringing hull infirmary back up to tell them about scott ,I told them that he is getting quite mad when I tell him he carnt drive the car and that he had had head injury and that am telling him this a lot she said nothing is jumping out at her that leads her to think something is wrong scott also has broke ribs and has had to near enough have his left ear sewn back on and is on strong painkillers she said the fact he is a little un balanced can be expected the pain could be making him irritable .so she told me to make a doctors app and get him seen by GP and if they think he needs to go back to AandE they will arrange it

  • Not quite the supportive response I expected from the hospital. You are still left with the problem of him consenting to go to GP's and then possibly hospital. How far removed from Scott's usual demeanor is his behaviour at the moment ? Some kinds of brain injury can cause confusion and anger, especially in early recovery. Try ringing the Headway helpline ( click on Headway at top of page, then on 'read more' in green for contact details ) - they will advise. You certainly seem to have been thrown in at the deep end, with no support.

    You might want to write a new post with an update so that it goes to the top of the posts list on this site - more members will be aware of what's happening and can respond to your post. x

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