Why do doctors and consultants always put people down
Why aren’t they encouraging in the things they say
My wife in rehab and her consultant is appealing
Keeps telling me her recovery will be slow it’s been six months
Same blab that you can read anywhere and blab that’s proven wrong time and time again by people on here
They should be encouraging and honest not discouraging
How can people improve if the so called leader of the team didn’t believe in you
I’m annoyed and angry at them
I’m my experience the medical professionals, especially the consultants, are unwilling to say anything too positive for fear of getting it wrong, especially in cases where the outcome can be unknown for a long time, they just stick to the facts as they are at the time. It’s one of the most annoying things I’ve encountered and disheartening but I guess I do see why they do it, not that I necessarily agree.
When it comes to rehabilitation though it really is a very very long and slow process. My partner is just over 7 months down the line and on the face of it progress isn’t massive, especially as I see her regularly. However others that don’t see her all the time notice the subtle changes and improvements and it’s the tiny little steps that are the most important, and I do too if I think back even to just a month ago. It is a slow progress and we have to be aware of that and accept it, but I feel the same that doctors and consultants could try to be more positive than they are. I’ve been told the same thing by both a doctor and someone from Headway, they both gave the same answer, but the doctor painted a very bleak picture whereas Headway tried to put a positive spin on things
General Medical Council states:
Good medical practice describes what it means to be a good doctor.
It says that as a good doctor you will:
make the care of your patient your first concern
be competent and keep your professional knowledge and skills up to date
take prompt action if you think patient safety is being compromised
establish and maintain good partnerships with your patients and colleagues
maintain trust in you and the profession by being open, honest and acting with integrity.
Knowledge, skills and performance
Make the care of your patient your first concern.
Provide a good standard of practice and care.
Keep your professional knowledge and skills up to date.
Recognise and work within the limits of your competence.
Nowhere does it say be kind, compassionate, instil hope and motivate patient to return to health. Unfortunately.
I respect your anger. I understand. Prove em wrong! Show em what she can do to recover! At the end of the day, you only have one body. You have to look after it as best you can. Follow her intuition. If she wants to complete an action, move the earth to allow her to try.
Take hope from the stories on here. Search all posts on headway forum for keywords, to read real stories by real miracle workers who have overcome so much and proved to doctors that the body is indeed the most powerful biological machine known to man and we still understand very little about how it works.
Best Wishes.
When something serious happens
You see the very best side of the nhs
But you also see the bad side too
I’m eternally indebted to them for all there help
but at times you want to scream at them too
There are times when you need an assuring word
There are times when you need shouting at
And there are times when you need honesty
Just seem some doctors don’t see that
Personally, I think those in the medical profession, without whom, many of us would not be here are on a hiding to nothing. If they refuse to speculate, they are simply refusing to speak other than of the here and now, as the future is uncertain. I also believe the dreadful compensation culture has a lot to answer for in this regard too, as if circumstances do not turn out in the way expected, the modern way is to summon the ambulance chasers, rather than say what will be will be and wish that things had turned out better.
That’s very true, they are scared of saying something that may not happen and the ad you say “compensation culture” rears its ugly head
My consultant a few years ago wrote a report that was an absolute lie for my compensation claim. He stated he had seen me on a particular day for the courts. We challenged-this as on the day of the appointment his secretary cancelled as he was involved in a very serious RTA himself in which he had several broken bones and his passenger died. Somehow I do not think he went to work that morning see Seeing his patients. The judge was very unhappy as we had discredited him and that he lied.
Consultants hmmm 😤
Hi, I think your learn over time to understand why DR's and consultants talk in this way.
Ultimately its because their dealing in facts based on similar cases and outcomes and thier judgement has to be emotionally detached from the situation. Not every brain injury is the same so they have minimal evidence to compare the effects between patients.
It doesn't mean that you can't stop believing in your loved one or yourself and ultimately you know your loved one better than anyone else. Its OK to voice your opinion constructively to these professionals if you believe something different.
I am still going through the same thing while we progress with the journey of recovery and improving quality of life for my wife.
Before the emergency surgery to remove the brain tumour (that didn't work) my wife and I were told she had a 3% chance of survival in surgery due to the impact of the brain injury from the tumour... She made it through after a 13hour surgery.
3days into a Neuro ICU stay they told me she wouldn't wake up as usually everyone is awake by now... im sure not everyone had a 13 hour brain surgery and I saw signs of communication so believed strongly she would wake up... 3weeks later she did, talking and waving to me 😀 ...to their amazement.
Then they told me she would never walk due to being paralysed on her left side from the brain injury because people usually don't, I believed it was important to carry on with the therapy, I had seen my wife learn to walk before due to other medical illnesses and we both knew this time she could do it again... 2 or 3weeks later with the help of OT's and PT's she was walking.
The list goes on and on but it doesn't really matter. after spending 8 months in hospitals and rehab my wife is home and continuing her recovery with a good quality of life which I help provide for her.
Personally I have learnt not to underestimate the positive effect that love and belief in those you care about, has. Of course the health professionals do the best they can, but love, care and belief from you does amazing things to the people you love and to the people that need you.
Good luck in the rest of your journey and keep believing.
Regards
You summarise the dilemma very eloquently through sharing you and your wife's experience. I believe it is entirely responsible to highlight a prognosis based on historical evidence, not least because knowing what you are dealing with is, in my opinion, the first step to dealing with it.
The variables in a brain injury are so numerous, a 'best guess' is all medicine can do, but it is an expert based 'best guess', provided by those responsible for making any kind of survival and recovery possible.
I think it highly improbable that anyone, be they medical people, or just the likes of you and I underestimate the positive effect of love around us making the unlikely happen, but because you can't count it or measure it, science has to concentrate on the things that it can.
All the love in the world is not going to fix some of the things science and medicine can, which is why I unashamedly have an unswerving belief in science. Even though this is true, I know how important psychology is in facilitating the best outcome of a medical intervention.
I have to admit, I do find it difficult when people vent their anger at health and welfare systems, simply because the systems don't tell them what they want to hear. I do understand that when you are frustrated and angry some organisations and systems are easier targets than others, but the truth of the matter is these structures are never going to be perfect, or meet some people's unrealistic expectations of them.
I think we all understand the frustration when dealing with medical staff.
However, with doctors within the HI sector they believe two things "Seen one head injury, you have only ever seen one head injury". Meaning every single Head injury is different and quite rightly has to be treated as that. Although, experienced doctors will base their treatment on previous successes, which is a very positive thing.
Secondly, with a serious injury/ illness medical professionals prefer a slow and predictable recovery. This allow the patients bodily systems to adjust slowly to the changes taking place and build up its own coping mechanism.
The slower recovery also allows the patients family and friends to adjust to what is going to be a whole new world of caring. Many people on here (my wife) included were completely freaked out by the changes to the person they knew previously pre injury. My behaviour was completely different, my personality even my voice. She felt she had a stranger in the house for a few years.
What the doctor has done is quite good actually, he has taken the pressure off your wife and yourself in terms of the recovery. If the doctor had set an expectation that your wife should be doing this or that within a certain time frame. You would both be stressed if that didn't happen.
I would hang in there and go with what the professionals are saying
all the best
H, Froggie, Ric and Sospan have said all I would've said ; Consultants keep expectations low so the patients can recover at their own pace, without pressure. And hopes can grow with progress rather than false promises...…... which may amount to nothing.
Best wishes ....
First Headway meeting
Questions about your reason for being here
Brain haemorrhage (ABI) medical care expectations
Neuro-psychology assessment.
