Hi all .... I’m after some advice ... my mum is currently in hospital with brain injury, and I’m thinking of being her Carer when she comes out ... just wanted to know if anybody else has done it and what to expect ??
She is awake at times (sleeps a lot ! ) but when she’s awake she is very very confused ..... I think she recognises me ..... it’s still early days yet but before I decided just wanted some advice ?
I am married with 2 little girls 5 and 8 ... my husband has agreed for mum to come live with us but I’m also worried what impact it will have on the kids ??
Any advice welcome
Thankyou
Written by
Destiny2019
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18 Replies
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It is difficult to say what would be best. Your mum could make a good recovery and only be left with mild symptoms and being at home with you would give her the chance of recovering to the maximum possible, but she may be left with much more worrying problems. As other carers will tell you, this could drastically affect your whole life. You may not be able to leave her for any length of time, so couldn't spend the time with your children that you would wish. She could need lots of help which could impact on your marriage and family. Whilst wishing to do the very best for your mum, your family must come first when making this decision. Why not arrange for her to come back with you for a short while when she leaves hospital and leave the final decision about where she will live until you are sure of the amount of care she will need and how the rest of your family cope with it. Don't do anything about changing her normal living conditions for several months, don't sell her house or anything drastic - whilst you love your mum and want the best for her, this is a huge commitment and must be thought about very carefully. Your husband sounds a good man if he is willing for her to live with you, but in the future he might find it difficult if you have to put your mum's needs before him and the children.
Don't do anything until you see how she is later - say give it six months with you and then re-assess.
Exhaustedwife is absolutely spot on. I care for my wife and although she is making an excellent recovery it is hard work. Carers will tell you it is a 24/7 job and has a huge impact on your life. My wife had weekend stays before she was discharged to ensure I could cope and to ensure that she was in a safe environment. Give it time to establish what care she will require and how her recovery progresses. I wish her a speedy recovery.
You are in the right place to get information. Give headway a call and check on their leaflets. They have one for carers too
Do you also have other family members who can help? The task is easier if shared.
Each brain injury is different It's difficult to say. I noticed improvement with my mum after a few months with post concussion syndrome but I think it took more like 12 months for her to get more back to what was more normal.
See how it goes. You can always consider getting some carers for part of the time to relieve pressure?
If your mum has the mental capacity to decide, she may want to make a power of attorney for financial and healthcare decisions.
I think diet plays a part in healing. Check out Tina M Sullivan's book, Nourish your Noggin. She lists foods and spics which aid brain healing. Turmeric is a good one. It makes a nice latte with almond milk. It is even more effective when combined with black pepper which increases its absorbtion rate. There are some great recipes in the book. It's not boring. Sullivan's son had a head injury and she wrote the book to go with the dietary advice from Dr Diane.
The book by Dr Diane Stolpert on brain injury is also good, Some if it is very scientific.
Destiny, the world needs more people like you. But you're wise to ask about the implications of caring for a loved one with brain injury. As others have explained it's an area of unknowns where after-effects, timelines and workload are concerned so, though I understand your natural urge to be there for your mum, please think about other alternatives too. Caring for someone with issues from a brain injury can be a round the clock commitment.
The brain isn't something which heals and gets better like other organs do ; because of it's complexity and fragility the brain needs many months, sometimes years, before achieving a new equilibrium. And often the patient needs to go through a long learning process of dealing with the changes in, or loss of, lifelong capabilities.
These are the worst scenario possibilities ; your mum might achieve a good recovery where she seems back to her former self (though that's rare) or somewhere in between like most of us here, who appear to cope outwardly but struggle nevertheless. Only time will tell I'm afraid as every brain and outcome is unique.
I'm so sorry we're describing a possible 'minefield' m'dear, but most people (including myself before I had one) underestimate the issues of brain injury and if you can be prepared for the worst the best will come as a massive relief.
Phone the Headway helpline tomorrow and ask for their printouts of information and advice on coping with brain injury. The no. is 0808 800 2244 (office hours - free calls).
Wishing you and your mum better days ahead, with good progress for your mum. Please keep sharing news and let us know what you decide.
The kids will learn 1/ that looking after family is a generous, kind and loving act. 2/ that grannie will appreciate being around quiet but smiley youngsters who exude energy 3/ they will learn humility, understanding and caring of an elderly loved one 4/ they will learn to value each day of their own lives as health is a gift that should be treasured. 5/ they will learn that helping mummy with the chores for grannie will bring the family closer together because more gratitude will be shared and more love. 6/ they will likely develop more empathy than other school class mates who don't care for a loved one 7/ it will make them stronger and more resilient for their life ahead as they learn sometimes they cant always do what they want to do but they can still be happy at the same time.
Give it time my son is 2 year into recovery still not there yet but still hoping me and his dad can look after him, the improvement they do every day is a miracle
Thankyou all for you kind words and advice .... I’m feeling abit upset as I’ve just come home from the hospital and she was hard work doesn’t know what she’s saying have the time won’t sit down she wants to go for coffee ... which is the hard part as she’s not allowed to leave the ward ..... I know it’s gonna take time just hard seeing her like this and if she stays like she is there is no way I’m going to be able to look after her which upsets me hate the thought of her going in a special home ..... xxx
It's very kind of you to step forward and offer to be your mums main carer.
I care for my wife and have 2 kids age 5 and 3. I'm not sure of the details of your Mums situation but I am often torn between doing what my kids need and doing what my wife needs. This is a constant battle.
My kids are hugely impacted by having to share my time and energy with my wife's needs. Yours may be hugely impacted too, make sure you consider this fully.
How long has she been in hospital? Are you familiar with her behaviour, have you spent all day with her at hospital to see what kind of care she needs?
Hospitals are sometimes too eager to discharge patients, especially if a family member steps forward to be a main carer. Has she been in rehab?
Whatever option you choose - make sure you get a social services assessment and get as much help from home care as possible for your mum.
Thankyou the accident only happened 25/8/19 so 2 weeks she’s been in hospital for I know it’s early days she had to have 2 brain ops been back and forth to ICU twice this is it now though she has no wires or anything attached anymore it’s just down to the brain now she has been referred to a rehabilitation centre but there’s a waiting list ..... I haven’t told the hospital I willing to be her Carer I’m just seeing how it goes first cos as she is now ..... there is no way I’ll be able to look after her with my kids too ..... I know it would be too much but I’m hopeful this isn’t it .... give it a month and I’ll see where she’s at then xx
Dear Destiny , I just had 2 Brain Aneurysm surgeries, and still having a very slowly recovering, each of us, have a differents sides effects and differents paces of recovering, but based on my experience +advices from health professionals; I would strongly recommend that you getting in touch with social services, and request a carer! !as it's not easy, unpredictable +muchnessof attention +dedication. .,if you could, don't leave it to very late to explains, in a special way, explains to your kids, that's granny's not well, and may sometimes a bit confused as a results of some conditions, be prepared to fully understand, knowledge of Brain injuries, you could, requests from Headway, 4 smalls books, whiches fully explains about brain injuries ;phycological +Physical, particularly with looses of the earing filters, Desorgonazition ++...moods. .,good luck and have faith, however, be as prepare + aweres as possible, before she leaves hospital!
Destiny, I think it's time for you to take a step back and get to know the facts about brain injury. Two weeks is tantamount to no time at all in coming through a brain injury.
At the 2 week stage my family thought I was lost to them forever because of my bizarre behaviour and lack of awareness. I thought my daughter was a neighbour, pulled out my tubes regularly and soaked myself with blood, managed to drop the safety rail and collapsed in a heap after believing I could walk off......and SO much more.
The agitation and restlessness are part of the process when, during the twilight stage of rediscovering ourselves our brain is still struggling to make sense of everything and we haven't quite recovered the sense of rationalising who and where we are.
My consultant spoke to my family of 'Turning the corner' when describing recovery. He explained how I'd always have residual issues but in terms of being a functioning human being again I needed to, what doctors refer to as, 'Turn the corner' before being considered safely on the path to some level of recovery.
I think I turned the corner at around the 5 week stage and was discharge after 8 weeks, and we were told it was an 'amazing' recovery ! So please don't panic m'dear ; your mum has a much longer path of progress ahead...…...I'm only surprised the staff haven't reassured you of that.
Read as much as you can about brain injury issues. Headway have all the information, so be sure to contact the helpline for their brochures or download them from the site.
Give it time ; MUCH more time Destiny, and stay in touch.
You have just described my mum lol .... we have not spoke to a doctor since the 30th August even tho I have asked to speak to a doctor as I have some questions..... my brother and sister think this is it this is going to be mum .... I keep telling them it takes time .... that’s why I joined here to get some advice I will show them some of your stories so hopefully they will understand...... they want to sort her house out and everything and I’m saying wait !!!!..... I’m definitely going to ring headway just need to be alone as at the moment I’m looking after 3 babies (not mine) but I Thankyou all for helping me
Good girl ! Really hope you'll find the information rings a few bells with your mum's situation and gives you some much needed reassurance. Look after yourself m'love. x
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