To help my daughter

[blaze12345]

I i'm new and was hoping for some help and advice.My daughter has TBI from a RTA this happened a year ago. She suffers with anger and low confidence she say's her life is like living in another persons body.She was in a coma for 3 and a half week's this was the worst time of me and my husband's life. she still get/s very tired and gets upset a lot she is seeing a therapist she say's she just want's to feel normal again can anyone relate to this and give advice on how to help her.

[Hidden]

Hi Blaze,

I hope your doing OK, hang in there. It must be terrible for all of u, there are people who can help. Headway have a support number u can call from their website, I highly recommend this.

This sounds very similar to my wife, she was also in a coma for the same amount of time. We are still undergoing rehabilitation, her mood and confidence are getting better controlled. I identified the anxiety and depression early on in her recovery due to my own experience and was able to have a neuro phycologist assigned to her and I which has been invaluable.

Hope this is of some help.

Regards

[blaze12345 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much.

[Hidden]

One other area to work on with the therapist is to identify what can reset her mood, it could be a short walk, a shower or simply rest. A therapist should be able to advise on this.

Keep up hope and be positive.

Regards

[Calrich]

Hi how old is your daughter ? My daughter had her car accident just over 2 years ago in a coma, in rehab for 6 months, suffers terrible fatigue, still doing therapies, still fighting to get her aswell as we can x

[blaze12345 in reply to Calrich]

Hi she is 19 years old..We are very lucky she is able to walk and talk but it's very hard as a mother not having the daughter I gave birth to.

[Calrich in reply to blaze12345]

Totally agree grieving for my daughter that is still here. If you would like to private message me please don’t hesitate x

[blaze12345 in reply to Calrich]

Hi how old is your daughter?.x

[Calrich in reply to blaze12345]

27 now was 25 when she had her rta x

[Tim_I_am]

I can totally relate to this. It’s two years since my tbi. I’m still getting to terms with who I am now. I miss the old me.

Counselling will help. I also try to practice mindfulness and find headspace has helped me a lot.

It gets better with time. The tiredness gradually gets better. It just takes time to get used to the new person. I had a lot of support from my girlfriend and family and it’s anazing how much that helps. I know there’s times when I tough for them to deal with but they stuck with me.

[blaze12345 in reply to Tim_I_am]

Thank you so much

[blaze12345 in reply to Tim_I_am]

Hi tim that is exactly what my daughter say's she misses the old her. She work's so hard to try and do what a 19 year old should do and then get's tired and turn's every conversation into an argument it's so hard watching someone you love so much struggling with themselves but it's like you all say it take's time and me and her dad have got all the time in the world for her.

[Tim_I_am in reply to blaze12345]

It’s a horrible thing to happen to anyone. I lost my sense of smell in my accident also. So now I have no taste either.

I tried so hard to try and do what I could before the accident. I made myself more tired by trying to do too much. I still do.

In the beginning I’d beat myself up because my brain wouldn’t let me figure things out the way I used to. Gradually the brain repairs itself and creates new pathways or so it’s seems.

I still have my good days and bad days and emotions seem so much stronger now. The slightest little thing could seem massive when it’s not.

But just tell her it will improve it just needs time. I will always miss the person I was, but I’m starting to like the person I am also.

Take care.

[blaze12345 in reply to Tim_I_am]

Thank you I wish you all the best.

[thrillseeker]

Hello and welcome over time she will be able to manage better with anger and out bursts, I had the same thing happen to me but you need to know that she isn’t doing this to be nasty or hurtful towards you or anyone else, you will have to try and support her as much as you can understanding that her anger is because of the frustration and not been able to express her self things will get better shame it has to be on a slowly. As we know that it’s never easy having suffered my self I still suffer today but just be their for her and support no matter what she says or does

[blaze12345 in reply to thrillseeker]

Thank you so much.

[thrillseeker in reply to blaze12345]

If you need anything let me know

[thrillseeker in reply to blaze12345]

Just had to say this my reading is slow if I can’t spell something I will try other ways around things, I was four years old when I was hit by a car and yeah just thinking back I was and still struggle today the main thing is don’t give up on her she is the same person but not been able to do the things she did before the accident, I know it’s hard and it’s going to be even harder for your daughter little bits day by day encourage her to do something try something new if you see he getting a little de-stressed remind her that your there to help her, the path ways have to be reformed so it could be some and many years

[blaze12345 in reply to thrillseeker]

Awww thank you.

[thrillseeker in reply to blaze12345]

I know how hard it is I don’t like it when people just seem to think we are ok just because we look ok

[blaze12345 in reply to blaze12345]

It just worries me that if she keeps getting into arguments with her friends and boyfriend they will walk away.she is trying really hard and we are so proud of her and so glad she made it you can see in her face she is really trying with the no filter we are very lucky cause she was walking in a week and talking as soon as the tracky was removed.

[thrillseeker in reply to blaze12345]

At the end of the day you need to put line to them that she will need the support as she can’t help it I know this and how hard it can be, and if the friends want to leave her then they wasn’t really good friends ad for the boyfriend he should be on board no matter what I know I never got that support and to this day I don’t really have friends got my partner and kids and that’s all I need, seen as I don’t like going out places

[Gym1bunny]

I know exactly how your daughter feels I had a grade 5 brain haemorrhage just under 12 months ago my life as completely changed my last memory is at the gym doing a spinning class I've got no memory of being in hospital I was apparently in a coma for a month everything as changed I have terrible anxiety depression and find it hard to go out I want my life back I want to go back to work be independent again I have had anger issues at times and can blow up out of nowhere I just want your daughter to know she's not alone with these feelings insist on help from your gp just let your daughter know other people are thinking of her you've come to the right place to get support

[blaze12345 in reply to Gym1bunny]

thank you so much.

[Shushy]

It’s still very early days. I know a year seems a long time but the brain is still repairing and re-learning. It’s hard for all if you- you’ve gone from the joy you felt because she’d pulled through to despair because of all the changes. No one is the same as before after this sort of experience. Counselling and other therapies will help but she needs time to come to terms with the changes. I know that sounds trite but it’s true. Hopefully she still has the support of friends her own age - if this is the case perhaps they can help by doing things with her. Talk to them about how she needs to take things slowly and ask them to stay in touch. Let her do things on small bursts and let her rest when she needs to. You may be able to encourage her to do a bit more each day.

[blaze12345 in reply to Shushy]

Thank you so much

[blaze12345 in reply to Shushy]

Hi that is exactly how me and her dad feel you are right at first your just so grateful and then the change's in her started to show and we forget sometimes that she is not the same and that hurt's so much.

[Shushy in reply to blaze12345]

I remember when my husband survived against all odds- we were over the moon but didn’t realise that it was just the start of a longer, much harder journey. It will get better I promise but remember that you need support too. You have been through this too and that will have changed things in your live’s as well. I believe there’s a lot more support now than there was 30 years ago so do a bit of exploring to see what there is out there. Grab every opportunity for respite with both hands! Headway now have so much more insight and available help for you all now. Talk to people in your daughter’s life and get them to help. Just sending texts or phoning her is a start.

The problem is that we are not warned of these changes and the depression that often happens to those who have been injured - or if we are, the euphoria of survival makes us think we can mend everything, talk to your gp- maybe she could be prescribed a mild anti depressant, if it doesn’t interfere with other medications she may be taking, try to get her out of the house, if she can’t do the things she used to enjoy perhaps she can look at new options. I know these suggestions may seem

Obvious but everything is worth a try. She needs time to accept the changes and at the moment she can only see them as bad. There must hopefully be some positive changes you can celebrate. Above all, try to have some fun and something to look forward to - she has survived, so you can celebrate that!

[blaze12345 in reply to Shushy]

Hi it's good to know that this does get easier cause both me and her dad feel broken since the RTA.We are a strong family so I guess with time we will all feel better it has had a massive impact on our family it has been good talking to people that have gone through this heart breaking experience.x

[CanisLupus in reply to Shushy]

Well said, Thank you from a Mum with a daughter TBI 1 year ago - Diffuse axonal injury it hard.

[neilhapgood]

Hi Blaze,

I am sure we can all relate to this, that loss of having a sense of self is indescribably difficult to deal with.

I wrote about this in a website I put together which she may find useful - braininjuryftp.com

send her my best, it really so difficult to deal with, especially the first few years, it does get better though.

[blaze12345 in reply to neilhapgood]

Thank you very much.

[blaze12345 in reply to blaze12345]

I will pass this web site on to her thank you.I think it's because she is only 19 and can't do all the thing's a 19 year old should be doing that hurt's so much as a mother watching her.

[Susan3535]

Hi, I’m sorry to hear this. But know exactly how you feel. My daughter had an accident resulting in a TBI 17 months ago. I don’t know where you are in the world. My daughter was on a school trip, so we had to ship family to another country for several months, she was in a coma for 24 days then rehab for several months before we could bring her home. I thank my lucky stars she is with us. Her accident has altered her pathway tremendously but she is so resilient, I get strength from her strength. Anger outbursts became normal, unfortunately her younger brother took the brunt of that. But I can honestly say, in the last few months it has stopped and she seems more content. Remember there’s a lot going on. A loving family aids recovery. We are all in a better place now and have adjusted to our new way of life. Grateful we have her here. If you need any information, please let me know. Xx

[blaze12345 in reply to Susan3535]

Hi it's a very difficult thing to accept both me and her dad are broken since her accident it's very difficult to accept she is not the same person as before we are a very strong family and support her in everything she is trying to do. We have had family break down's were my mum and dad have chose to look the other way rather than help but were coping she has 2 older brothers who adore her so we will be ok it's just a matter of time we feel very lucky to have her she had a bleed to the front and back of her brain plus 2 crushed lung's so I guess we will be happy to put up with her outbursts.x

[WinB]

Blaze we are all survivors in this and we need to be told how lucky we are as Daughter sounds on a big Downer. My husband was told to grieve for me and put me in a home, instead we sang and he kept me happy. I remember none of this but am so glad I had Family looking after my back. We can be hard work but keep in there and I hope she gets the help she needs, keep her happy and away from doomers and gloomers xxxx Wishing you all the best for you and Family xxxxx

[blaze12345 in reply to WinB]

Hi i'm so pleased your feeling much better.she is finding it difficult because she is different from before she tell's us all we don't know what it's like having a TBI and that is true we don't it must be awful.We are a strong family so we will help her every step of the way with her recovery.I'm so pleased you have a good husband.xxx

[WinB]

Now I am awake we argue more lol ..Good luck with Daughter Blaze I am easily pleased I like the new me ... Bring her smiles etc, to cheer her up and if she feels like going out take her xxxx Perhaps deep down she is scared as I was when I was told what happened to me. Good luck again my husband used to take me out shopping and got me a coffee in a teacher beaker and then half a cardboard cup. It was so good for me to get out xxxx Try "behind the grey Subarachnoid H/Stroke" for you to be able to talk to others who have gone through similar xxx Whatever you do I wish you all the best xxxxxx

[blaze12345 in reply to WinB]

Awww thank you so much all the very best to you.xxxx

[Cose]

Hi its hard my son is 16, and has had post concussion syndrome for 3 years has started therapy finally after 3 years for visual shifting and problems with divergence.We try to cope going on 4 years need 6 months of rehab every week but he's tough. Listen to your daughter be patient give her space psych help is good and for yourself too talk to others who will listen. We do home schooling might want to look in to it if she has headaches and is tired a lot. I would suggest to get her eyes checked as visual shifting happens a lot after head injury or concussions. She is young and will heal. Monitor her symptoms and never give up. Physio rehab and private chiropractic session are helping massages for the neck. Talking to others helps its hard to be a mom never thought it would be as hard im a mom of 4 kids. I have talked to a psychologist and it helps. I you want to chat my ear is open anytime and I wish you a speedy recovery.

[blaze12345 in reply to Cose]

Thank you it is hard it has changed us as a family.I think we are all a little broken we are very grateful to have her here she had a bleed to the front and back of her brain and 2 badly bruised lungs she was able to walk after a week and could talk as soon as the tracy was removed it is hard to accept I still find it very raw and cry every day. I feel guilty cause I don't give as much attention to her 2 older brothers and our grandchildren.x

[Cose in reply to blaze12345]

I know it changed us too sometimes my other kids seem to think he's our favorite but its just he needs more than the others. It has changed us all but I listen more to the kids now and I am more understanding . Seeing your kid have pain is very very hard and struggle. He or she has a good mom never forget it and take life a day at a time. Thats what keeps me going.

[Pinkstarburst]

Hi, I’m 7 months in from a spontaneous Brain aneurysm, I was in hospital for 10days after coiling procedure, I really felt low after coming home, and cried at the slightest thing, didn’t want to go out, lost confidence, but slowly I’m getting back to feeling like myself,I had melt downs in the middle of shopping trips just needed to get back in the car where I sat and cried saying will I always be like this?i just didn’t feel like me, But honestly it just sort of happens slowly but surely you notice that your getting there, positivity is key,my advice would be short trips out, go have your hair &nails done together, cinema trip( I was so nervous with this one) my daughters took me to see Mary poppins I was worried it would be too loud, in parts it was,but I was ok, and each thing I did I was getting a step closer to feeling like the old me, I’m going back to work phased return on 20th May just 4 hrs for 4 days I’m so nervous, will I cope with the music, the lights the people, but unless I try I’ll never know, I still suffer with awful noise in my head and ears constantly and can’t feel my leg first thing when I wake up and awful fatigue in an afternoon, and if someone is rude to me it really upsets me where as before I wouldn’t bother I’d just ignore it, I’ve learnt that part of the old me just isn’t there anymore, so I try and do new things that I wouldn’t have done before, Be positive around your daughter and let her lead you,she will get there all you can do is carry on supporting her and be there to listen xx

[blaze12345 in reply to Pinkstarburst]

Thank you very much take care.x

[Feebie8]

Hi Blaze,

I am six months into a concussion & whiplash injury. I have had every emotion under the sun including intense anger (where I've told visiting family to f off) and sadness. I get crushing fatigue that wraps me in a blanket without warning and has me yawning constantly like I haven't ever slept.

I realised a few weeks ago that I felt like I died. The doc upped my antidepressant. It's taken a couple of weeks but I am feeling better about my little death. I realised I am still here be it in a different capacity. I am still alive with future opportunities to become a better version of who I was because of my injury. I don't know how yet but with each day I know for sure I'm on the path I was meant to be on.

It has been very difficult to go from 100 to zero in an instant. One minute I was training to be a CrossFit coach the next I'm staring at a wall to find some sort of peace from my brain. I had to find that silence. Not because I was hurting a lot but because I had no words in my head to say. Nothing. I couldn't think or describe what was happening in my brain and body and that silence, that emptiness was somehow a comfort. I think I was slowly processing the trauma and it happens in stages. No one knows when we are going to get to a point of realisation but it will come. Honestly I don't know how I've held on, I could have drove myself into a wall to escape the mental and physical pain quite easily but I've been crawling through it very very slowly, coming to each realisation when my brain and body were ready not when I thought I should be ready. We really don't have any control over it at all though it's terribly hard not to fight it.

Over the months I've somehow learnt to expect the unexpected and never be surprised by symptoms or who I am when I wake up in the morning. I'm many different people these days some I have little control over but I'm getting better at it. I've learned to be easier on myself too and to try my very best to not compare myself to the person I was before I hit my head. I unintentionally buried myself in all things concussion reading every book I could find on head injuries. That was a mistake. In trying to find answers or a way out of this mess I realised I pulled myself further away from who I was even with my brain injury, I was drowning in concussion. So I've started going over my coaching notes again and though nothing is sinking in and I'm more confused than ever I'm gonna keep on going over them and over them until it does sink in no matter how long it takes. I'm taking back my mind, I own this brain injury. As I've said I don't know where I'm going or how I'm getting there but I'm just gonna keep on crawling, cause crawling leads to walking, walking to running right?! One step at a time.

[blaze12345 in reply to Feebie8]

Thank you so much for sharing that with me this sound's very much like my daughter and how she is feeling she also swears at family members and never used to.I normally get the brunt of it but I know she doesn't mean it. A lot of her frustration comes because she can't do the thing's she used to and she can't keep up with her 19 year old friend's no one tells you about this in hospital my daughter didn't even feel like home was home it has been a very long year with lot's of ups and downs but she is very determined like yourself we are very proud of her and tell her this all the time. I wish you all the best.xxx

[Exhaust]

Hi ... my daughter was involved in a RTA 16 months ago . She was given 24 hours to live had severe facial injuries lost an eye and sustained a severe brain injury . After 11 days in an induced coma she had her first OP 9.5 hrs to repair skull damage this was carried out as she wasnt brain dead . Then had 12 hrs more surgery to repair her face which is now made of metal . 3months in ICU then 3 months rehab before returning home . We are a close supportive family,and fortunately have financial support from insurance ( the driver ). The brain injury was severe and has left our daughter a different person ,nothing is the same now . I feel exactly as you do my lovely outgoing ambitious loving daughter died that day. I truly wish there was more support for parents or loved ones people to share the loss . Reading the grief others have to deal with helps but actually being able to meet and talk would mean so much more . No one understands unless they've actually experienced brain injury. It has destroyed me and my family .

[blaze12345 in reply to Exhaust]

Hi my lovely thank you for sharing this with me the pain you must be going through must be huge my problems are nothing compared to yours.We were lucky she didn't come out of it with any visible scars apart from her throat was cut for the tracky and her neck were the lines went in. My daughter changed as a person she hasn't been able to work since the accident because she cant concentrate and get's very tired and then angry it changes everything as a family my daughter is still in a relationship with her boyfriend who was the driver and was not hurt at all this has been very difficult for me and her dad because although he is a lovely person he is the person who turned our happy family upside down i'm sure one day these feelings will change.

I think you are doing amazing with your daughter because no one can feel that tremendous heartache like a mother and it takes tremendous strength to be able to kind of cope with it traumas like this change everyone I don't think anyone is ever the same I think we all just get up smile and get through the day. take care.xxxxx

[CanisLupus]

I'm a Mum of a beautiful just turned 21 yr old - 1 year on our fateful day 12 July 2018, its definitely the anger and blaming us as parent hard to handle, although we weren't there when the car crash happened, the roller coaster ride is sometimes very hard to take and knowing you now have a different daughter is the one I'm not yet ready to accept.