Has anyone lost complete confidence in their memory that you can never be 100% sure of anything or your memory gets everything mixed up?

[bethk123]

I had TBI 3 years ago and since then have taken on some complications, one of the main ones issues with my memory. Whether its thinking I locked the front door when I didn't or losing every argument with your partner because deep down you know what your saying isn't backed up from memory your brain has jumbled it all up, it's just backed up by the fact you're hoping it happened the way you're saying or hanging on to the hope you did something right, everythings confused or blank or the complete opposite to what actually happened. I have no confidence in myself anymore and I just end up projecting on to my loved ones a lot of the time which gets me down even more. I've turned into a hypocrite too by moaning at people for doing something that has annoyed me but then I do just as much that annoys them back which I dont always have recollection of doing most of the time so just end up embarrassing myself as have no leg to stand on. I have no sense of reality anymore, I'm just very confused and can never fully be confident that what my brain has stored away is true. Wish I could rip my head off and stomp on it, I'm sick of it. I have a 7 month old son and I have no idea how I'm going to raise him confidently. I struggle to take responsibility for doing/saying wrong, when I'm being told I'm in the wrong because I cant quite accept something that I cant remember doing or that is completely different in my head as it just makes me feel like a crazy lady. Is it going to be like this for the rest of life because I cant take

[sospan]

I think most of us have gone through the same experience of doubting our memory, confidence and ability to do things. Misremembering or misinterpreting is ever so common.

Memory is a very complex thing even beyond short and long term memory there are many other forms. How we recall things from memory is also very complex - if a song comes on the radio that we haven't heard for years, we can know the words instantly or a sudden smell may make things flood back from childhood days.

Memory function is compromised by lack of sleep, diet, stress and several health symptoms. The frustrations with memory can contribute to the other behavioral problems we get after a head injury which again is all "normal"

Three years in, you are still on the early stages of the journey and with a 7 month old son, life probably isn't calm and peaceful and he probably keeps your hands full. Plus there is a lot of adjustment your body is still doing after child birth. So at the moment, everything physiological and mentally is up hill and you have a lot to deal with.

Is there one of the child care nurses in the GP surgery or a neuro psychologist that you can chat with to work out some coping strategies ?

[HungryHufflepuff]

I find life very confusing but I don't have a child to think about so all my concerns are just selfish. Memory is a huge problem for me too. I have problems with short term, long term and immediate memory o don't know if that's normal. I can't remember if I've been to the toilet or when I've put food on to cook. I can't remember people or holidays or major political events. I don't remember conversations. Also I can find it difficult to focus and concentrate. When I need to say something to the doctor I can't remember what it is though I know it was bad but I hadn't written it down because I couldn't focus. I forget words or how to use a device. It's so frustrating. I get annoyed at myself. Sometimes I feel like, when you wake up from a dream and you can remember it momentarily then it starts to slip away, I often feel like that about chunks of my life. I know there's something but I can't quite recall it. It makes me sad to think have I forgotten something or someone and don't even know that I've forgotten. I embarrass myself a lot because I don't remember whole conversations I had the previous day. Until I found this community a few weeks ago I hadn't made the connection between my brain injury and memory problems. At least now I m beginning to understand. It makes it a bit easier to think there's a reason behind this and other things, and things are beginning to make more sense.

Three years is not a long time, I hope you can find something to help you adjust and cope with it all. Thank goodness for headway and thankfully you found it, I found it by chance a few weeks ago, I don't know why I'd never been told about it, and have gone through life since not understand and struggling with so many things.

[twice]

Yes I really have problems with memory

I was diagnosed with cognitive impairment at the memory clinic, I have a white board on the wall for writing things down that I've done and need to do and a large wall calendar for appointments etc and I also have a pocket diary which I carry with me and I also find that using post it notes helps me as well

It must be a lot harder for you with young children to take care of, I found that since I have been able to truly accept the fact that I have a brain injury and work with it rather than against it makes things that little bit easier to cope with all of what the injured brain now throws at me on a daily basis.

[Misty4]

Oh thank heavens for your post. I’ve been thinking I was going mad. Had my tbi two years ago plus complete thyroidectomy. I was in the process of moving before the virus bought everything to a halt, but as I was packing things up I “lost” so much stuff that I knew I’d had, just have no memory of where I put them. Probably in the charity shop. Only found Headway this year and went to one meeting before lockdown. Wish I’d been told about it before

[Pairofboots]

Unfortunately I experienced mental abuse by my ex wife, part of this was to question my memory, or to challenge it. It was only when I realised that I should rely on my memories that the balance of power changed.

I'm not suggesting this is the same in your case, just relaying that sometimes we have to find ways of checking our memories, either in a diary, a mobile phone can help with notes and pictures. There is nothing worse than not knowing what to believe.

[Ivanlc]

Hallo. Apologies in advance for sounding self-absorbed, disjointed and *very* off-topic here, but...

I've posted to this site previously, but because Life Is Just Like That & due to all the friggin' Google, Facebook & all the other "We Want Your Details Do We Can Invade Your Life" hoops you've to jump through now, I've spent the best part of an hour (or two??) just trying to login to post a reply to someone's post about memory - I think.

I don't actually *remember* now, because, as I'm sure more than one of you will relate to, the <*expletive*> hoops took so long to get through (and in the meantime, a dozen other things happened that I now no longer recall either).

I'm p****d off. Had planned to *finally* finish off #at least ONE thing# I'd started ages ago, but now that's not gonna happen either. Another wasted day.

<Rant over-ish>

My case is a bit different to the rest of you, as I had my injury 20 years ago this month. Was in a coma for 3 weeks, so it was a severe TBI.

But I did all the rehab & recovered incredibly well. Came up w/ strategies to help my memory & other post TBI issues. I've travelled, have worked, all manner of things that I wasn't expected to do. Despite the permanent life change, the future was looking great.

I even used to tell people I was GLAD the accident happened.

But now, I feel like I think I should've done in the early years. All the problems that people are reporting & enquiring about on here I seem to be experiencing very acutely at the moment; feel like a vete-(almost)-ran. ;o)

Don't get me wrong; I struggled BIG TIME w/ mood, memory, the 5 stages of grief & the rest, but I was luckier than other TBI people i did rehab with at the time, as there was someone to sue, so money worries were at least, off the table.

Now, my memory, self-esteem & so much else i can't remember are all screwed because I became complacent and just *assumed* things would work out without me putting the work in, despite how much i struggled - as we all do after TBI.

When stuff became challenging, or it strained my memory too much, I just assumed it "wasn't my thing" & moved on to something else, rather than seeing it through to the end. Losing interest & leaving things half-finished has now become my MO.

Do NOT get into the habit of leaving stuff unfinished; it's easy to do following a TBI, but it's a *very* hard habit to break & does nothing for your self-esteem.

I also believe I made poor choices when it came to looking for work & social connection. Even if you can't work now, do *something* to give your life structure; stick w/ the voluntary work a reason to get up in the morning & get out and *interact w/ other people*. You gradually get into very, very poor habits without structure in your week, believe me. And the -ve effect this has had on my working/short term memory over the years is profoundly depressing.

Also, isolating yourself (in a *non* Covid19 manner, i.e. not interacting w/ people remotely/electronically) incidiously degrades cognition & memory over time, I've only now realised.

Related to the above, whatever you all do, don't take social connections for granted. (I was about to say "don't isolate yourselves..." ;o/)

I didn't understand how not seeing other humans every day, long before coronavirus, would, over the years, damage my ability to relate to other people. I can't follow conversations or remember simple facts about people, as you need short term/working memory to do this and the years of unknowingly isolating myself & falling out of the habit of communicating w/ others is worse now than it ever was in the early days, post TBI.

I've been so focused on finding meaning to my life again after searching for it for 2 decades, that I've effectively become distant from society & don't really know how to relate to others any more, either socially or vocationally.

Do all you can to keep your friends & family connections throughout the lockdown, as we'll come out the other end one day, and the very last thing you'll want is to have no-one around when we eventually do emerge. I'm staring this prospect right in the face & really don't see how it can pan out well.

Wherever you are in your recovery, however forgotten or misunderstood you are by "normal" friends, family & society in general, keep in mind that you can't go it alone.

This is much easier now with this site, which wasn't around in my day; all my Headway group did was give us board games to play, which was just demoralising & patronising. I desperately wanted to talk to others who'd had TBIs, but this wasn't encouraged.

Ok. Apologies for hijacking the topic & not keeping it *strictly* about memory, but I didn't want the 4 or so hours of struggling to login and then typing all this to be for nothing!

I've to go eat something now & then figure out how best to spend the remainder of my post TBI life, having wasted most of it... >:o{

[Singin in reply to Ivanlc]

Dear Ivanic, thank you for your post. I am 9 months on from a severe TBI and multiple fractures plus other injuries, and I found your post very helpful. I will take your advice and make a big effort to keep in touch with friends. I wish you well, and thank you again for your encouragement.

[Ivanlc in reply to Singin]

Hi Singin. I'm glad at least someone was able to take something out of what I said(!)

I know it was a bit ranty/(whiny?? :o/), but despite it being so long since my TBI, the realisations i mentioned only occurred to me recently & I needed to process how i was left feeling.

... I figured writing things the way I did might sound a *bit* less self-involved!

I hope your own recovery is less bumpy than mine & that despite wherever issues you'll inevitably have, you can overcome, compensate for, or simply be able to accept them.

Unfortunately, the coronavirus business vastly reduces the one thing that we all need after TBI; help & support from others...:o/

If you don't mind me asking, how severe was your injury? Were you comatose at all?

[Singin in reply to Ivanlc]

Hi Ivanic,

I had a cycling accident. No body else’s fault other than somebody had dropped a load of gravel on the road and I hit it as I came round a corner at load speed. I was immediately unconscious and bleeding from my head and into my eye and surrounding area.

I was airlifted to the brain injury trauma unit and remained in a coma for 3 days.

I had 8 fractures, grade 3/4 acromioclavicular clavicular séparation and a 3rd nerve palsy.

I was in hospital for 10 weeks.

[Ivanlc in reply to Singin]

Hi Singin. Sorry about the ridiculous delay in replying. The ease with which I get distracted is not even funny...

I assume the corner you slipped on *wasn't* a blind one, so you weren't hit by other vehicles which wouldn't have seen you as they rounded the bend.

'Fraid I don't know what anything means in the description of your "battle scars" - except for 3rd nerve palsey, which i had too. Do you have a squint in one eye & and does it now have limited range of movement?

[RainbowBrie]

Memory is my most frustrating thing I think. I forget things easily.

Recently returned to work and I have made prompt sheets for everything.

I have a 7 year old and sometimes he says that I've said something and I can't remember him saying it. Then he gets upset that I didn't listen. So we have a whiteboard now for writing important things mummy has said or needs to remember.

Have you got a health visitor you could speak with and get some help with how to cope with baby? I know if I was your health visitor I'd want to support you at being able to manage and not feel frustrated.

Also have you seen a psychologist or neurologist? I have finally got an appointment with neurology next month. Sometimes you have to ask your GP for referrals to these things.