One of the two most depressing days

[bexx87]

My birthday is normally a depressive day for me as my mum never contacts me (normally I don't care but on the day she gave birth I kinda do) but she buys me a gift that she doesn't give me normally my uncle will pass it on or if I spontaneously going around there I will collect it

[Shon48]

I wish you a happy birthday . Sorry about your mum . I kinda know how you feel . I loved my mother but didn’t like her and I got on better with her when she Had Alzheimer’s. Sad ☹️. You know what’s going to happen on your birthday so if you can afford it and fit enough to go out , that’s what I would do , buy something you fancy as a gift from me to me . 🍰💐🥂xx

[bexx87 in reply to Shon48]

thank you <3

[Worriedfor]

Happy Birthday.

Ever try see if your mum may be feeling ashamed of her behaviour so actually wants contact with you but is afraid of the backlash?

Speak to your uncles and see if you can meet up with her. Don’t judge her and maybe forgive forget and move forward to getting some level of communication before you drift even further apart. Sometimes as mums we get scared... it’s hard making mistakes .

[bexx87 in reply to Worriedfor]

Her brother lives with her I have countless times tried to patch things up but I'm the one that gets nothing but backlash time and time again she asks him about me and his response is shes your daughter you get hold of her and now her brother is getting fed up and I refuse to put with it any more when I get hold of her or see her in the street it's me, me, me not how is work ect my uncle is completely different

I will give a recent example of this:

I go to a monthly social group ran by headway right, I changed my numbrr, I forgot to give them my new number, as I was a maybe for coming they wanted to know if I was coming which I didn't know about so they got hold of my next of kin to get my number aka my mum, the logical thing would be for my mum to text me and say:

Hi, headway are trying to get hold of you or give them my new number

Simple right ...

No but mum refuses to talk to me and is so stubborn that she told my uncle can you tell your neice that headway are trying to get hold of her so when I eventually met up with headway in bath who told me what had gone on my uncle only just contacted me and I explained I knew and I had caught up with them I then felt so ashamed and bad that they were given the run around by my mum I sent a apologizing email to them the next morning and you want to tell SHES the shamed one .... I'm the shamed one and I have 18 YEARS worth of those kind of stories I could tell front being led in a hospital bed having g just come out of the coma and have zero attention from her to the abuse she gave me (and still does which I why I refuse to see her) growing up but she will go around telling g everyone she loves me and she's proud of me and I think your talking to the wrong women she is so two faced she knows I won't put up with it

[Elenor3]

Oh dear :/ birthdays and all events like that can be really challenging can’t they? I know how you must feel about that with all you’ve described.

It’s still your birthday so give yourself a birthday 🎁 and try not to dwell on other people’s negative behaviours. I know that isn’teasy. Still - treat yourself if you’re able to do so. Wishing you a Happy Birthday whatever you do. x

[bexx87 in reply to Elenor3]

Thank you

[Ivanlc]

Can I ask *why* your mother never contacts you? How long has this been going on for?

[bexx87 in reply to Ivanlc]

I don't know since I moved out 3 years ago she doesn't bother and when I try and put a olive branch out and either go round hers, bump in to her on the street or text her I either get one of two things:

Me, me, me

Or

Alcoholic abuse thrown in my face

It's just one of life's mysterious that I have to deal with and it's heart breaking for me to have no choice but to turn my back and walk away but if I don't like growing up I will be trapped and have to put up with so much mental exhaustion that I cant live my life like that I am much happier that we don't talk

I have tried my damnedest to try and get it out of her over the years but trying different methods from talking softly and gently to locking myself in the same room as her but nothing works all I can do is say I'm at peace with it as I've tried I'm not going to tell her I forgive her but secretly do so I know I'm doing what's right by me

[Ivanlc in reply to bexx87]

Is there no one else who can shed any light on what her problem with you is all about? You don't have any siblings you could speak to...? What about your father? You mentioned an uncle... Are there any other relatives you could talk to?

[Guinea-fwrog]

Hey hun,

my mom is an alcoholic too. I know the hurt that only an alcohol fueled mom can dish out. I really feel for you!

Over the years I have learnt that there is nothing *I* can do to make it better. You are doing the right thing by avoiding the things that bring you down. Your mom is missing out on knowing a strong and beautiful person, she is the looser in this situation. Forgiveness is good, also feel sorry for her, but ultimately look after yourself and never forget how fantastic you are!

Big hugs x

[bexx87 in reply to Guinea-fwrog]

Thank you that means alot xx

[boxergirl777]

Hiya Bex

Happy belated Birthday to you Bex

I know exactly what you feeling...but my pain is from my sister who i had a very close relationship with till she grew into a spiteful hateful woman...no idea why i got the hate?

We're all grown up now but for the pass 20yrs she has been so horrible , evil....and someone i don't recognize anymore....blaming me for anything and everything wrong in her life, and cruel with such hate that thought i would break with the emotional pain.

I've tried hard to understand as she has mental health issues after being abused as kid but sometimes so it's so painful to know she feels nothing but hate for me....but why i got the full hate I've no idea.....think it's caus I'm stronger than other sisters.

She has done and said things about me that even a murderer wouldn't have had said about them!

She's one messed up woman and sounds like your Mum's treating you in a similar way ,

which is unfair and so depressing for you.

No amount of olive branches will help either!,...i know....???

I learnt that it's easier to keep a distance and to be honest i grieved for my sister and now she's dead in my mind, it has become so much easier since i did this....hard but easier eventually to say she's gone, i cut all contact caus I knew it would just keep hurting so badly if allowed her to continue.

I like to remember her as she was when we were kids, rather than the cruel and cold person who has took her place ....Sometimes toxic relationships need to be let go of....it will not make you happy to keep being your Mum's emotionally punch bag ....sounds like she's got her own demons and that's not for you to sort out or take blame for....

Nothing can be achieved when someone won't accept they have a problem.... your Mother's rejection will continue to impact you in such a damaging way .....please don't allow her to hurt you anymore....put distance between you, accept she's not well and try move forward, not easy but what's the alternative to keep hoping she will suddenly become a loving Mum....it's unlikely... not impossible but unlikely ....you will always be there for her but just at a distance, till she realizes it's not you it's her then maybe one day you can start a fresh.

Hope you had lovely birthday and I hope you find a peace with your Mum xx

[bexx87 in reply to boxergirl777]

Thank you for your kind words I am sorry you know what I go though with your sister I hope you two can be at peace too at some level I am a peace with it and since I moved out it no longer consumer like it once did when we lived with each other I'm glad I can close the door and not have to deal with more stress when I get home