Anger and paranoia

[Paston51]

Hi, I’m new here but feel I should have joined months ago. My adult son suffered a severe tbi in July 2017. He was in Addenbrookes for several months, the a brain injury rehab centre and has been home with his wife and 20 month daughter since Xmas last year. I spend three days a week with him whilst his wife works. Considering he was Glasgow scale 5 he has made a remarkable recovery for which I’m eternally grateful. He was left with retrograde amnesia and emotional lability so he cried a lot! However in the past few months he cries less but is increasingly paranoid and angry. It’s like walking on egg shells at times. Once he is over the angry spell he is remorseful and has a good understanding, he is very articulate and an intelligent man. But he sees slights and looks that don’t exist and translates them incorrectly then comes the outburst.he just spirals out of control and it’s not helped by alcohol which despite medics and family saying it’s inadvisable he feels he knows best and wears us down with his intellectual arguments! His wife is worn out and we need some advice as it’s destroying his family. I’ve spoken with his Consultant Psycologist but there doesn’t seem much slack in the NHS budget to offer further help.

[bexx87]

Hi and welcome, my ownly suggesting is visiting you local headway as see if they can help or offer any support:

headway-cambs.org.uk/contact

You can also post on here or ask your son to join f he feels isolated or his wife

[cat3]

Has the psychologist not suggested anger management or cognitive behaviour therapy for your son ? I know the system Is stretched but duty of care still applies.

Maybe ask his GP for a referral or phone the Headway helpline on 0808 800 2244 (office hours/free calls) for advice on further support.

Cat x

[Hidden]

There is always a reason for the upset/anger - he may not be ready to share with you or understand himself yet.

What does he say when you ask him?

You can identify lots of possible causes on this and other posts inc:

Ptsd from the trauma.

Accepting new limitations is always exceptionally difficult.

Paranoia comes with memory issues.

Frustration with life changes.

Struggling in situations with too many people, too many conflicting noises, bright lights.

Fatigue - mental/physical when not pacing life strictly enough.

Pain - high pain makes it extremely difficult to deal with anything else.

Sleep deprivation - poor sleep = low tolerance also.

Physical issues with coordination can be upsetting.

Brain fog can be extremely frustrating.

General sense of dread that follows you when something potentially fatal has happened to you unexpectedly.

A feeling of dissociation with daily life and isolation from family/friends of he doesn't feel they understand.

Lack of hope for the future.

Guilt for not feeling good when everyone tells him how lucky he is to be alive.

Grief for the person he was and the scary process of having to learn who he is now.

Or generally just struggling to get to grips with new reduced life, the cup spilling over analogy - no ability to deal with any additional stress when you're already passed your limit.

Increasing your/his knowledge base helps as understanding something makes it less frightening.

Counselling can give him/you strategies for pacing, adjusting, accepting, and generally offloading.

Medication can help with anti depressants for a while or hinder if he's having a bad reaction to pain or other meds so can check this.

These are just some ideas of the things that he might be dealing with, the posts on here by everyone in the group will help you find more.

If you can identify the triggers you can get info on how to manage them and work on structuring your lives to minimise them.

Headway has loads of good info.

You'll find a balance eventually as a family, just takes time.

It can be useful to put it into the framework of the 5 stages of grief to give you an idea of what stage you're at and what is likely to come next.

Hope you're all ok.x

[Tia-01]

Hi there my husband suffered severe head injury 10 years ago and he also goes into rages for no apparent reason he dies r apologise though as 5 minutes later his mood changes and dies t recall doing so. He’s lost many jobs because of this and saying inappropriate things not realising he is doing so. I am at long last getting an appointment to get him reassessed as he has other issues too. You hit the nail on the head when you said like walking on eggshells! Your daughter in law should push for reassessment now and make him go to see dr. My problem with my husband was and still is that he thinks he is 100% fine. It is still early days for your son but my advise is push push push for dr to get referred for reassessment.

[DTBI]

Hi I suffered a heavy TBI 4yrs ago and was a handful for my wife in the first 3yrs. I finally accepted that my brain would never be as good as it used to be and started to appreciate what emotional stress my wife and two daughters encountered. It is frustrating, but I am focused on looking after them and exercising my body and brain. I started my new business a year ago and I am not as good as I used to be, so what? Once your son fully appreciates where he is post TBI, things will hopefully settle down. Good luck x

[neilhapgood]

hi paston,

for me a lot of the anger came down to PTSD, I spent a long time learning about it and it all made sense as to why I got so angry and stressed in the early days, I put some info into a website that he may find helpful, braininjuryftp.com the page on their called 'all a bit traumatic' talks about this.

all the best with it all

[steve55]

his good lady wife needs to go to docs explain the circumstances and get him referred to a psychiatrist, that what my wife did because my severe mood swings caused her to have a meltdown.

ive been diagnosed with sorry ive got memory problems so i cant rember the first bit, behaviour and i cant remember the last bit. im unpredictable when were out, so my wife is continually looking for possible kick offs........people who look like immigrants......i tell them their not wanted in this country.........muslims.............i shout pedos at them etc.

i dont like loud noises, crowds, parties, screaming kids, because of my unpredictable behaviour, eating in pubs or resturaunts can be difficult.

[Hidden]

Hi Paston. Tho had a few TBI's between 2-8 yrs old,loads of frontal bumps thru childhood,i was diagnosed with labile mood,personality change recently in my mid 40's,i have had problems with paranoia as far back as i remember(& moods/anger). Stress seems to make mine worse. If it's possible try to make things stress free as possible,but make sure he isn't isolated,as that makes it worse,even if u think it's protecting.

[Purplelover25]

Hi, i see this post was from 9 months ago - if you wouldn't mind sharing how life looks now please? Our experiences sound very similar.

My partner's TBI was 6 months ago, also was at Addenbrrokes. Same as you have shared, they expected the worse for my partner to not make it and if he did likelihood he would be severely disabled. Thankfully, the Lord had mercy and he has no physical disabilities. To begin with he was emotional and cried a a lot, but has turned to anger, has been aggressive and his brain will twist or exaggerate things the kids or i say.