Any ideas on helping dad accept help at home?

Imminent discharge from hospital!

Hi everyone. Things have progressed really well for my dad and he is now able to hold conversations, do all his personal care, write, read (although limited attention span) and navigate his way around the hospital. He has had several home visits including two overnight stays, with family members in attendance. The hospital are now talking about his discharge, but feel that home support is necessary as his wife is 80. Dad's short term menory is still affected and he has some difficulty remembering names although this is improving. The problem is that both he and his wife are resistant to any outside support and don't feel they need it. We have got headway involved but dad and his wife feel they are not necessary too. We have a meeting soon with the doctors and I feel sure they will insist on some home care. How do I help my father accept this. He is 70 and had a fall two months ago resulting in tbi. Thanks

10 Replies

  • This is a difficult one as our elderly people very often seem to not want or think they need help. We had a similar problem with my parents. What kind help exactly are the professionals saying they want to put in?

  • Hi thanks for your reply. They haven't said yet. We have a meeting with the mdt on Tuesday but they're already talking about discharging him at the end of next week. He has met with a headway person and apparently has a social worker.

  • The social worker will come out then and if not already an OT to see if any adaptations are needed. Even if it's just help with shopping if they will accept it at least it's something. probably best to wait and see what's on the table from them first and then talk it through with parents when alone. Try and be there for the meeting when it happens so at least you will be fully in the picture.

  • My brother is hoping to attend and he'll take notes etc. My dad is quite paranoid about the hospital staff and seems to think they're all against him but his wife is quite resistant to the idea of other family members needing to be at the meetings. hopefully they will be ok about having my brother there and we can take it from there.

  • Sounds like they feel they are being cornered/pressured. Happens a lot I suppose. Giving up our independence is so hard isn't it. Both my parents are now gone, but we are having similar problems as you but with one of mums sisters who has dementia and hubby is going the same way! They have no children of their own. Today I am taking them some home made soup, a shepherds pie and some stew as they don't cook and live off biscuits!!. Social Worker visiting and trying to 'befriend them' in a way so that maybe they will accept help!

    I do hope your parents may be persuaded to accept some help.

  • Thanks and I hops it works out ok with the social worker for you guys !

  • This is so hard. The balance between respecting our elderly, frail parents wishes and keeping them safe and supported. Maybe you could try going down the lines of 'the hospital are saying you need help at home, so lets set it up to get you home and keep them happy , and then if you still feel you don't need it once your home we can cancel it'

    Good luck

  • Yes, I think that's the way we shall play it. Will let you know how we get on!

  • It will be far too much for his wife to cope with, trust me, I am only 63 & I struggle sometimes.

    We also thought we could manage but in the end we're grateful for help. You need to be at the meeting, really important to get to know their social worker.

    Tell dad he may not be allowed to go home without help, even if it's only shopping & cleaning.

    My guess is, he just wants to be home, more than anything else, so that might persuade them.

    Good luck with it, so glad dad is getting on so well xx

  • Thank you. I'm so glad we're at this stage so quickly. Hopefully we can persuade him to accept a little help maybe for his wife's sake.

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