Well since my BI I have become more emotional daft things set me off and in general I’m useless at hiding tears. There have been few times at the BI group I go to when I could very easily of cried not all sad times. Til yesterday I had managed not to let it show I hate people making a fuss.
Well yesterday I had been planning on doing a marathon relay with a few others from the group but due to something unexpected happening it now means I can’t and can’t be in a running club either. I understand the reasons but was still upset. I have discused it with the man who set the group up and got the feeling it was something he wouldn’t change his mind on understandably. He is used to me talking about this or anything like it when ever I get chance and to be fair yesterday was one of main times to bring things like this up as for like 15 min at start and end it’s just me and sometimes 1 other and 2 members of staff so best time to talk about anything which I normally do. Only yesterday I already had the feeling there wasn’t much point obviously he didn’t know this and would have expected me to bring it up which I mite have at wrong time. So he beat me to it in nice way explaining his reasons and making it clear no amount of talking would make him change his mind which I had already guessed. For the first time ever my mind just went blank I had nothing to say and did get upset crying. The man was lovely about it tho and hugged me and as he has said before he could easily say we shouldn’t be doing the long walks we are doing as I’m wanting to walk 3 Yorkshire peaks I sadly pointed that out to show him I understood why he was saying no to running. This is first time I’ve acknowledged he could be awkward about the walks and he has pointed it out before but yesterday he dismissed that thought straight away knowing I was already upset and he has promised we will do the walks and there is way round doing them which he was quick to point out.
I Was still a bit upset on way to allotment which meant I was unusually quiet on way probably noticeable as the man asked if I was ok and if I was still upset about 3 or 4 times in one go to make sure as he knows I would be one to say I’m ok when I’m not. I was still bit tearful but managed to avoid crying again which was a bit surprising.
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keeley24
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No maybe I didn’t explain right the running is separate to the walks. It’s the running I won’t be able to do hard to explain without going into reasons why and it’s not cos I wouldn’t be able to safely do the running. It’s a marathon relay I can’t do which is running and being part of running club.
The walks which I was the one wanting to do them we will still be doing them and to be fair he could easily turn round and say we shouldn’t be doing then either and he has pointed that out before but when I pointed it out he quickly said there is ways round doing them. I am quite annoyed with myself for not saying anything or asking anything when I had chance about this so on Tuesday I’m going to talk to him about this and hopefully not get upset again. Got notes on my phone as backup to make sure I say everything.
Your post was intriguing so I went to read some of your past posts. I saw that you mentioned that you have always tried to hide your emotions, even before the accident. In my case, I am a mix: I try to be very diplomatic and hide any negative emotions, but I am pretty comfortable showing that I feel happiness, sadness and empathy. Two things that I have learned over time:
1. No matter how hard we try to hide it, most people can usually tell how we feel.
2. Trying to suppress emotions is often damaging to you.
So perhaps it is better not to focus on trying to hide or push down emotions, but to shift that energy to how we manage an express those emotions.
Disappointment and anger need to be acknowledged and let go. I work at remembering that part of letting them go is expressing them --even it I still do it in a calm way that does not add to my negative emotions.
Sadness, happiness and empathy can all make my tears start to flow. I have come to value the fact that I feel those things deeply and give them enough importance. As a result, I don't mind if people see me cry. Sometimes it seems to give them permission to feel deeply too.
I don't k now if any of that is helpful, but it just seems that you have dealt so beautifully with the challenges since your accident, it seems a shame to unnecessarily burdening yourself with suppressing harmless emotions. (I say harmless, because they do not seem to get in the way of you dealing very logically with other people.)
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