Ive had no support for months on end then it all comes at once and I feel very over whelmed

[bexx87]

So things have severally gotten worse in the last month of coming off pregablin with work not health and this week has been extremely busy and Im over whelmed, So lets start off:

Monday

I get pulled infront of HR about posting work related issues on facebook that has several managers complained about but I explained to HR that I am having the medication that is controlling my anxiety reduced and my manager (stand right there next to the person from HR) hasnt made work any easier for me so HR said have I or my manager gone to occupation health and I answered No to cut a long story short I got a level 1 written warning from HR that will stay on my record for 6 months.

Monday evening was stressful, I explained to HWB before I came to HIYA that work has been busy and stressfull so if I snap Im not doing it intentionally and towards the end I did get emotionally so got some fresh air and I had 3 people from the group talk to me (Emma being the first person) but it was the 3rd person that rubbed me up the wrong was and as I was hidden in the closet to get away from everyone I dont know if HWB intervened.

Tuesday

My manager comes over and fills out a form for occupational health and briefly writes what has happened with regards to my medication so clear HR have forced him to referred me which is a relief

Tuesday evening because I was so busy that I didnt check my personal email so when I came round I was stunned to find that the landlord has replaced the backdoor so my bedroom is no longer freezing

Wednesday

I explained before to my managers manager who has been there from the start back on October and has seen all the grieve my manager has given me and has watched me reduced my medication and being shunted from gp to hospital to gp about a month about that I wanted to quit because I cant take the tension with my manager so he said he would arrange for me to have a mentor support me in work and I got given a date to see him

Thursday

I had my telephone interview with Health Wellbeing which I have been waiting for a month that my gp suggested as support for coming off the medication and I told her everything from my accident, that there is no support from my mum, that I dont have any friends but I try and socialise, all the issues with work, all the counselling sessions I have had that has never worked, I had to do a scale of how anxious and depresses I felt in the past 2 week and it was high and I explained ive been suffering from anxiety and depression since 13 and that my gp doesnt currently want me on any other medication due to these side effects but I am caught in a vicious cycle work makes me tired and I dont do housework so the flat is a state which makes me more depressed and its a struggle to do laundry and i have to force myself into do things and that I wanted to change how negatively I think about myself and she suggested a short course of CBT as its shorter waiting time and that because Im flexible with the location it will speed it up and she said I am doing everything right by not giving up despite how hard it is sometimes

In the afternoon my manager spoke to me about why I wanted to start doing other roles and going too other managers for work which stamped out how excited I felt about doing somethink different and more productive and I explained how I have moments of nothing to do and he said when i have those I need to come to him for more work and I thought if I dont trust you why would I and I should have enough work not to have quiet moments surely and I mentioned about issues Im about having getting work done and he didnt response

Thursday evening the girl from monday who pushed me over the edge messaged me on facebook and I didnt reply but it still stressed me out.

Friday

The health wellbeing lady called me back to say she has referred me to mental workplace thing and I said Ive been referred to occupation health and I dont want things to over lap or repeat and she said mental workplace support will be better than occupation health and I mentioned how the week has just been overwhelming as I havent had anything support for the past 8 months and then it all comes at once and I said that Ive only been reffered to occupation health and got given a mentor as I threated to walk out over how bad its gotten and the lady said you have done the right think most people walk out of their jobs and dont even say why

I dropped HWB a emailed explain how monday made me feel and that the girl contacted me the previous evening but i blocked her

Also on Friday morning because of how my manager has treated me over the past few months I have distanced myself from the team and as I knew my manager would be working from home I decided to sit in my normal sit and other team members in a good way commented on my absence from the desk which was nice and I explained why Ive kept my distance and other team members imminently picked up and said that it sound like our manager is trying to get rid of you and I explained how I now have occupation health and they said its mostly likely because HR have forced him to reffered you they advised I join the union and I said I have but I am still waiting to be set up and a discussion around unison (which is who my manager is apart of) verse Unite (who I joined) started

[Elenor3]

Hi Bexx,

In amongst all of this stuff going on around you - try to remember how well you do to manage doing a complex job which other people might struggle to do even without a tbi. Being part of a union is a good idea but remember to get in touch with your union representative because they might not be able to do as much to help you if you call them in after things have happened. They can probably do more if they’re involved with your case before any changes to your working arrangements have been suggested. I’d contact them on Monday and ask them to take a look at your situation.

Thinking about social media, sometimes written messages don’t carry the same meaning as spoken words - messages can be misinterpreted. I prefer not to use social media.

Give yourself a huge pat on the back for getting through such a challenging week. Perhaps visit the GP and let them k ow how the change in medication is affecting your work?

Good to hear the door has been fixed - you’ll feel the benefit of that when winter comes.

Take care xx

[bexx87 in reply to Elenor3]

thanks the lady from health wellbeing was constantly praising me but because of how i feel it hasnt had any effect, unite did say they could only help going forward and they cant help with what has happened in the previous months but the fact is my manager is still treating me like **** and i am paranoid he will pull the poor performance dissmal card again like he did in nov and I did tell my gp how stressfull work is and its not aiding the medication reduction but my brain went awol in the first 2 weeks but now its just like meh i dont really care but I have noticed that my concept of time, days and months is screwed

in terms of the door the bedroom is now to hot, if would have liked them to fix it in the autumn if it was up to me rather than the summer as my brain injury my body has trouble controlling the temperature so nearly every night since its been fitted I havent been able to sleep since 11:30 so have been getting up at 5 really tired

and thanks for replying it means a lots I thought there is no point in posting this as no one will care but what i do it ignore myself and do it anyway if i acted on my brains thought i would have committed suicide in December than going to work and tried again in march again explained that to the health well being lady and they understand the urgency of the situation

This song feels very relevant:

youtube.com/watch?v=u8CMsQ-...(Not working as expected?)

[Elenor3]

Hi Bexx

That’s a shame re the door. It might not be a complete solution but in our office last year they brought in little plug in air conditioning machines during the heatwave cos our windows were jammed. Just a thought. You may be surprised to know that hearing about your experiences at work (both bad and good) can give other people hope that maybe they can go back to work after brain injiury, even if they don’t reply. Lots of people read the posts here but aren’t confident enough to write anything yet. It seems a shame that you have these problems when you’ve got this far and are obviously skilled at your job. I really do wish you good luck and hope these issues can be resolved. I’d still chat to your union representative as soon as possible and ask them to see if there’s anything they can do to support you further. You take care and let us know how it all works out. By the way does Remploy offer ‘in work’ support? I’m not sure if they do. I’ll have a listen to your link. I hope they can support you better when you go back next week x

[bexx87]

Thanks I will ask them there is a remploy office just down the road from my office on the city centre and I was looking into getting a fan to try and cool my room down as I have just woken up (its 1:50am) due to being to hot I have opened the back door and can feel a bit of a breeze but not enough there is meant to be a thunder and lightning storm later as it's coming up from Devon (I follow various Devon media on Facebook: google.co.uk/amp/s/www.devo... like it did last time we had one about 2 months ago bristolpost.co.uk/news/bris...