Aggressive

[treetate]

Kev has been in the rehabilitation centre for 2 weeks now and I am really disappointed with it! I have not had any updates and do not really know what their plan is or what they think they can achieve. Unfortunately Kev is becoming more and more aggressive - mainly to me. He has threatened me with a knife and to punch me in the head and he keeps telling me that he is having sex with the care workers because I’m so disgusting! I have informed the caseworkers but they just play it down and say it’s part of the brain injury. I know it’s because he feels that he is not in control and that he is frustrated about being there whole life goes on around him. Sadly it is getting to the point that I just don’t want to go and see him as he scares me and that worries me as I don’t want him to feel abandoned but at the same time I can see me being there unsettled and upsets him.

I have arranged a meeting with his doctor next week as I don’t think they realise how he really is with me and that he is quite depressive.

Sorry ranting but today was tough with him being so horrible!

[Shon48]

Sorry to read this. I thought the rehab centre would change things for you both . Two weeks should have given him time to settle in . Maybe you shouldn’t visit for a couple of days to see if that changes him a wee bit plus it will give you respite . So hard , I really feel for you both . Hugs and good wishes 🤗🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

[cat3]

You poor thing. I'm sorry to hear how nothing's improved so far ; it must be utterly draining trying to remain supportive despite feeling so threatened.

And I'm sure you're tired of hearing how it's early days for Kev but, from everything I've learned, 4 months really does leave plenty of room for improvement. My family were shocked and worried by my behaviour after my SAH (generally disagreeable and swearing) so 6 months after discharge I returned to the high dependency unit (with chocs & flowers) to apologise and thank the staff.

I was treated like a celebrity and assured that my behaviour had been a tonic as it has been so amusing........and benign compared to that of most other patients. I learned about cases where mattresses had to be laid on the floor owing to unruliness ; people were sometimes sectioned for their own protection, and lewdness was commonplace. But the emphasis was on how 'normal' these behaviours were considered in the context of recovery from brain injury and how, like me, some of these folk had returned to apologise after learning from family how 'badly' they'd behaved whilst their brains had been in a state of limbo.

So maybe continue to limit your visits until you talk with his doctor and decide on the best strategy. Perhaps ask the doctor about mood stabilisers for Kev ; In a calmer, less aggressive state he might be more amenable to engaging with you without hostility.

I wasn't hostile to my daughter, but treated and addressed her as a neighbour, which she found distressing as she feared my 'weirdness' would be permanent. Let us know how it goes with the doctor won't you ? Love Cat xx

[Navillus]

When I was in hospital a male patient tried to get into my bed ar 3am thinking I was in his girlfriends bed, the nurses had taken his girlfriend hostage and the patients were his girlfriends neighbours. Didn’t believe he was in hospital but it was a conspiracy. He had to have 24hr surveillance by nurses as was aggressive. I was in hospital 5 months and by the end he was holding the door open, very courteous and polite, where he had called me every word possible before then. His partner was also so upset so my heart goes out to you. Please don’t lose faith and if you need a break then think what’s right for you at this point. It’s something he can’t help, is not meant and will be a little while to recover. Report everything so they can assess him fully. Sending you a big hug and lots of empathy.

[Mufc]

I am sure everyone is telling you the same. I am a tbi person and from our point of view my husband says I called him the wrong name when I came out of my tbi . I called him my ex boyfriends name. I did not recognise my daughter who was only 18 months old. I said she not mine and would not hold her. Things will improve but they will never be as they were. You have to accept the new person now. My husband has done for 24 years unfortunately my moods have not got any better although I think they have so we are getting divorced. Hopefully things will work out for you but none of us know how the future will be.

Good luck

[Alice5]

I am so sorry to read your post and can understand how upsetting it is for you. It probably is little comfort to you to hear time and time again that it's early days but try to take comfort from it.

My son had a SAH 7 years ago and although he wasn't aggressive towards me but it appeared that he didn't like me being there, he talked to other friends and family but was irritable with me. This was so upsetting for me.

He has no recollection of this at all and cannot remember talking to anyone apart from his sister.

His behaviour was strange but comical too.

I don't know Kevs story but give him time to heal. Ask Headway for advice and look at their information. The brain is so complex and although Kev behaves the way he does doesn't mean that's how he feels.

My son thought he was in One Flew over the Cuckoo nest and that his DNA was stolen but that obviously wasn't true. However, at the time that's what he thought.

He couldn't understand what had happened and in his confusion blamed me.

At the moment he isn't the real Kev, get some advice and give Kev and yourself time to heal.

Make sure you look after yourself and talk to friends and family, do something nice for you even if it's only going for a coffee with a friend.

Thinking of you xx

[cheddah]

Hey! Whilst I understand why every response is about prioritising Kev's needs, I think you need to prioritize your own. Reduce your visiting down to one or twice a week and see if that helps at all. Go to the meeting with the doctors and make sure they know what's happening and why you won't be visiting as often. Kev is in a place where he won't realise what he's doing or how often you visit so hopefully by reducing your visiting you will start to feel stronger and manage visits to him better, plus see more of an improvement when you do visit.

[LindaHannah]

This is so hard for you, but it is good you are seeing the doctors very shortly. I wonder if he cannot fathom out his emotions and where to place you, and that this is either frustrating or confusing him. Somehow he is trying to say something about you/with him/your lives together but can't get to it perhaps. Look after you, I hope you have some support. Maybe lessen the visits slightly and take each day as it comes. I am sorry to use a cliche but it is a useful one. I wish you all the best 🤗🍀