Struggling to live a normal life

[Gary-watt]

5 years on from my severe sub arachnoid hemorage and I've survive and recovered better than ever expected. But I can't seem to fit into today's society any more. A normal life seems unattainable and after all the hard work there are days I feel like giving in. Would love to start a new relationship. But sadly people see the the disabilities before even knowing my name. Ex wife and ex fiance family have used my illnesses to cut access to my children. The result is a very lonely existence. I spend 95% of my time alone in my house. Small town. Few facilities and shops, very poor public transport. I'm running out of steam. Getting hard to keep fighting when I can't find a reason for it. Any suggestions. Help. Please

[Kirk5w7]

Hi Gary

If by normal you mean your old life then any number of posts on here will explain this is your new normal and you have to find a way to make it work for you.

A small town isnt going to help you because you need access to things to help you meet new people and keep you busy.

I spend most of my days alone but as i live in Manchester I can just hop on the bus or tram or train and lo and behold a new environment to explore.

I also have a gym with pool i visit once a week and if i wanted im sure i could find a group, on what i do not know, to attend just for the company and interaction.

I have my garden in the summer and i take walks all year round in the local park.

All solitary occupations im afraid, as are my hobbies, i am better alone, less brain melt down that way. All that talking when in company soon exhausts me.

Apart from my husband who still works, i dont know what will happen when he retires!, i have my sister who i speak with daily and 2 good friends who i contact rarely but are always glad when i do feel able to spend time with them and who understand.

There are of course my 4 grownup children, 3 no longer live at home, only 1 does.

So i suppose i am lucky and privileged to be in this position, im sorry ive been no help.

It must be so hard, but that is the nature of brain injury, it is isolating, you have to go out there and search for those things you need to make your life more “normal” again.

Seek out some voluntary work, there must be something you can turn your hand to even if only one day a week or moth, it will help.

Janet x

[Gary-watt]

It's seems that these days I need that daily interaction with people. Talking on the. Phone doesn't help. I've got a left side sided weakness, poor eyesight etc all a result of the damage. It's limits how far I can walk and activity I can do. I fight it daily and I 've improved but I'm hitting limits. I'm considering moving to somewhere more populated but having but everything I've had the last few years in my little place, the thought of starting again is frightening as well as the financial cost. There's no easy answer, and I'm happy with what I have usually because it was expected I'd need round the clock care and be in a chair. And I've push myself to overcome that. Physical problems give me something visible to work at, but now I've hit a mental limit I've come unstuck.

Also the few friends I do have are amazing, but with my mood swings, and behaviour ( I don't realise how i get) I've push many away and most can only manage me in small amounts. I've found this seems to be common

[ErinSAH in reply to Gary-watt]

Hi Gary,

I had an SAH almost 5 years ago and I know at times when I’m not well it can be difficult and very frustrating. I craved being on my own for quite a while and didn’t feel lonely because I couldn’t handle people and noise. It was all so difficult.

But after time I began to get lonely at times, so I used to go to a coffee shop or a cafe at a quiet time, where I didn’t know people so didn’t have to talk to anyone. I brought a book with me, for a long time I pretended to read or just looking at people around me. Sometimes the noise got too much so I’d leave, I’d try again a day or two later and over time my tolerance built up.

Sometimes still now it gets too much so I just leave and if not I sit and read.

I’m not sure if it helps but if you could find your version of a coffee shop somewhere that you like and enjoy, maybe somewhere with outside space now the summer is coming.

But small simple steps and changes can make a big difference.

[Kirk5w7]

Erins reply is great, i found a Tai Chi gtoup and attended that for a year, got to interact with a few people and the exercises, although challenging, really helped with my balance and coordination believe it or not.

Think outside the box, i do paint by numbers quite satisfying to do and it helps with fine motor skills.

Janet xx

[steve55]

move

[bonfire]

Hi you aren’t the only one who feels like this, it is common. First thing is to get out of your house or you will go stir crazy!

if you can walk, go for a walk before the negative thoughts have a chance to take hold.

You don’t say if you have mobility issues though you do mention your behavioural issues which a neuropsychologist could help with.

Nothing will change if you stay indoors.

From there build structure into your week.

You may also want to chat to your doctor.