Back to normal!!!!!!!!!!!!: I was out at a meeting... - Headway


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Back to normal!!!!!!!!!!!!


I was out at a meeting with 10 or 12 people I have known for years when someone said "you'r doing really well. You are back to normal now" I was not rude as they meant it to be reassuring to me. I then got into a conversation about it with a lady in remission from a nasty cancer and a lady whose husband has been battling cancer for several years. We were confused as to what was "normal", were we ever "normal" and did we want to be "normal". In our younger days we had all reinvented ourselves several times for various reasons involving parents, boyfriends, jobs, becoming married, having children and so the list went on. We decided that our new beings and lives were just another reinvention. Just call us Kylie! Some of this invention is better than the previous model and some is not so good but it is what it is. I am not promising that this will be my last reinvention but until there is another, take me as I am. It was a great discussion and I think all 3 of us enjoyed it.

7 Replies

An interesting subject Maureen. As illness, injury, disfigurement and death are all part of life, why do we cling to healthy as 'normal'. Obviously it's down to fear of those conditions and a need for life to be unproblematic, even enjoyable.

Our family have had a raft of misfortunes, illnesses and bereavements this past decade but it's definitely made us much stronger and, curiously, instilled every one of us with a sharper (if quite dark) humour. So, (using the phrase which we're familiar with here)'s our 'New Normal' and it only doesn't feel normal when up against rigorous conventionality, or the falseness of insincerity/pretentious individuals.

Last week when a friend was told he might lose his leg owing to DVT his relatives were horrified at my suggestion that it mght be a good thing because prosthetic limbs are so sophisticated that it could transform his life from invalid to active (my thinking apparently wasn't 'Normal' !) ................he's fine by the way.

It's almost an outdated word in this world of techno advances and electronics replacing the workforce etc., Maybe 'Default' could work better (for us at any rate). Cat x

maureen103 in reply to cat3

I agree with all you say Cat. It is an amusing game to try and think if you have any "normal" friends or even have heard of any. I am sure my family and friends are no more odd than anyone elses but I am not sure any would come anywhere near normal thankfully. Some are quirky, some eccentric, some their own person, some outspoken and so the list goes on. They are all wonderful and interesting and certainly not one size fits all. I do think though that we are less tolerant as a society to those who have a different opinion or outlook to ourselves. It does worry me a bit that we no longer embrace healthy debate. Sorry I am rambling now. Hope you are keeping warm in all this snow xx

cat3 in reply to maureen103

Mm, healthy debate........... It's something I used to revel in & often played 'Devil's advocate' just to get one started. But now my word recall has become such hard work that I can't expect others to wait around whilst I struggle to dredge up the simplest words........really frustrating.

Thank goodness for online conversation where I can take as long as it takes !

Our snow has melted now & winds have calmed so at least the heating can cope now. 😖 x

tillymint16 in reply to cat3

Hi Cat3

I was wondering how your doing and how is your back?

Been a busy and quite sad couple of weeks losing my Father in Law and then my Aunty. 2 funerals this week also in the middle of moving house and also got my date for coiling at the end of April ahhhhh.

Getting some coping strategies in place for dealing with the stress and want to be the other side of it all.

Regards Andrea

cat3 in reply to tillymint16

Thanks for asking Andrea......

I'm still shuffling (told I look like a Chinese lady from days gone by, with bound feet) but it's less painful if I don't lift my my legs ; stairs are still a nightmare !

I sympathise with your present situation ; It feels like victimisation when everything hits at once. We had a whole chain of awful events around the time of my SAH and the word 'Jinx' was used routinely by family members & friends.

But maybe your house move has provided a useful distraction in situations where the instinct is to sit & brood ? It's exhausting I know, and you're wise to be aware of your limitations.

On the coiling subject, I'm tempted to place a hefty bet that all will go well and that you'll be fine ! But I know you'll worry no matter what anyone says. Remember to post when the procedure is imminent so we can send collective good vibes & big hugs to calm you.............. 😖

Sorry for your losses m'love. Thinking of you. Take care, Cat xx

tillymint16 in reply to cat3

Aww thanks Cat3 you are an inspiration with sensible and wise words. Yes life is like that sometimes and we all go through stages of it. At least your getting about but it’s so delbilitating isn’t it!!!!! Time will heal and you can enjoy the ‘summer’ months though the temp today feels like a million miles away from summer.

Think the main prob is not feeling in control of the hospital situation (honestly I’m a coward!) but I’m taking positive steps to get a handle on it before it gets the better of me and I disappear into the sunset never to be seen again haha!!!

It’s a tough week this week but we’ll get through and no doubt meet relations not seen in 40 years or more. The time will pass with mixed emotions. Thank you so much for your good wishes and kind sympathetic regards... it really is a great support and feels like a little family 🌷💕I will sure be in contact when the 30/4 is looming !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Many Thanks

Andrea xx

To me it's not about others just about my old self, before my TBI everyone would have told you I wasn't normal.

Most people who know me would say I'm back to being abnormal but I feel there is something different, so am I too normal?

As it's my internal world I'm bound to see subtle differences but I wonder am I just the same person having to deal with changes in my abilities rather than a changed person.

I think this will depend on how much of a negative effect the TBI has had on your life.

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