HYPERSEXUALITY

[AVENA]

Has anyone had experience of how to deal with this!!!! my partner had a VERY serious BI in June 2017. He is in a rehabilitation hospital (& will be for many months I fear) and it is apparent that this is all that he thinks about. Numerous pretty rude texts daily and it is mentioned all of the time, the conversation always comes around to it. I shouldn't complain I know! but it is extremely difficult to address as any move to stress that there is a time and a place for this is taken as a rejection.

I fully understand that being stuck in a hospital with a lot of hours to think is an issue, but there is no stop button. I just really do not know how to deal with it to avoid distress and upset but it is starting to upset me now. Bit awkward but any experience of how to approach it would be greatly appreciated. I have read some horrible things about other examples of this that really concern me as we have been happily married for many years.

[Kirk5w7]

Have you mentioned this to any of his doctors as this is probably a consequence of the BI and as such should be addressed by them.

Personally the last thing on my mind would have been sex, and even now it's something I can take or leave, a consequence of my BI.

J

[AVENA in reply to Kirk5w7]

I have not mentioned it recently, I wanted to see how it progressed, but I may have to now. I did tell them previously before he was moved, they said to ignore him!

[Hidden in reply to AVENA]

I suffered from increased libido and it continues to this day .... 50 years after the op. I control myself but occasionally I make a fool of myself.

Don't know what to suggest, for myself I thought it something to deal with myself.

[Kirk5w7 in reply to AVENA]

I don't think it's something to ignore, that's a cop out for them. It could be a real problem if your husband cannot control it himself, better to get it dealt with while you have the "experts" around than try to get help once he leaves rehab.

It may of course settle down but then again it may not. And it could become a real problem if his ability to perceive what is or is not acceptable is affected.

Janet x

[sospan in reply to Kirk5w7]

In the early stages of my injury, I was much the same. Unknown to myself one of the specialists had attributed this to some form of psychological problem.

When I saw him 3-4 years later, one of the questions he asked was about that aspect of married life. When I told him it was much better he raised an eyebrow and asked me what I thought were the contributing factors.

There was an air of sarcasm when I told him it maybe down to some of the physical symptoms easing - the massive hangover style headaches, the tinnitus and also the positional vertigo - every time I moved the room spun round. At least the earth moved for me even before I got into bed!

[jodr]

Morning,

Have you read Trevor Powell a practical guide to brain injury? I think there's a section in there about this. Also The Mango Princess I can't remember who it's by but it's written by the wife of a bi survivor who had just the same as you describe. Might be worth a read? Take care xx

[headwayuk Partner Headway]

Hi Avena,

There's some information about this in our new booklet 'Sex and sexuality after brain injury', which you can read about and download from our website: headway.org.uk/about-brain-...

Please don't hesitate to contact our helpline on 0808 800 2244 or [e-mail] if you'd like to talk this through.

Best wishes,

Headway

[paxo05]

Same her after my bi. Don't know why as I was incapable of carrying out any thoughts I had.

This did last a few years then ironically as my ability improved my hormones crashed. Felt someone was playing a cruel joke at the time.

After several tests I ended up having replacement hormones. First via gel then injections.

It is not something just to igore. It may not sort itself. Yes it may be a common problem with bi but it also needs investigating.

I know the downside for me is a large needle ( yep I have that phobia) every 1p weeks. On the upside a sort of normal Sex drive.....If there'such a thing.

In short get it sorted.

Pax

[AVENA]

Thank you everyone - have had a gentle word with the powers that be and they are going to cover it - also ordered the recommended books so feel a lot more positive about it all. Really is not a major problem but worried that it could become one!

[Traciieskidz]

Hi my husband suffered his bi in august this year and was discharged 3 weeks ago and am currently going through this ,I am his full time carer and it's very difficult to live with ,he is permantly attached to his phone and using porn and masterbation ,before this we had a great marriage ,we will be getting help but it can't come quick enough ,he has no idea of the effects this is having and yes I have confronted him x

[AVENA]

Sorry to hear that and yes had the porn thing on visits home, apparently it is very common. You are not alone here and they do not understand the effect on others but so sad as they can't help it and it is a basic need.

[Stevehusbandof]

My wife was the same, anything anytine anyone. We embraced it as doctors said nothing coukd be done. Our friends accepted her language snd we managed her urges by providing a release by using clubs, she knew what she was doing and i accepted the new her but made sure she could only have these releases when I was there to keep her safe. This has worked well and 11 years later is now going through menipause and HRT.

To the point of I miss the new wife and feel lije Ive lost her again.... even wants me to take a lover so she doesnt want sex again...