Apprehensive about first hospital visit with husba... - Headway

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Apprehensive about first hospital visit with husband today

pozza40 profile image
18 Replies

My husband was admitted to hospital 17th may and after a giant aneurysm was found,was operated on 22nd may. He has a brain bleed and 2 strokes affecting his right side brain and swelling meant two further operations to remove skull pieces. He has made fantastic progress and is talking now.he can move his right arm and leg but nothing else. We have been Skyping every day and it is heart breaking at the distress he is in about not being able to move and do stuff for himself, also he is adamant about things having happened, that haven,t.for example he thinks our daughter is a nurse and is there with him but she is only 13. When he sees her on skype,he gets very upset as he asks what is she doing there,when he has just seen her there. It’s very confusing for her too. He is begging for me to come and get him, and when I say I don’t think I will be able to get you in the car, he says I’ll get myself in.

He is still tube fed, and not controlling his toiletting and in a lot of pain. I have got a hour visit with him today,so the first time we have physically seen each other since may. I am both delighted to get to hold his hand and apprehensive about seeing him in the flesh. I just feel a bit overwhelmed about how to deal with it all.

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pozza40 profile image
pozza40
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18 Replies
New_beginning profile image
New_beginning

Just thinking about you. X

pozza40 profile image
pozza40 in reply to New_beginning

Thank you

Kirk5w7 profile image
Kirk5w7

Be strong and positive. It is very early days still even though you may not think so. His willingness to do things for himself will push his recovery forward.

Try to keep that momentum going and give him all the support you can muster.

I too thought my daughter was a nurse, it eventually righted itself.

Take care

Janet x

pozza40 profile image
pozza40 in reply to Kirk5w7

Thank you

sealiphone profile image
sealiphone

As others have said it is very early days and thing do improve, although it can take time.

His confusion is very normal from both my experience and those who were patients with me.

As your daughter is 13 I'd advise that you give her all the information you have and not sugar coat it, otherwise she'll probably realise any worry even more. Everyone I've spoken to say children are incredibly resilient if they are trusted with the facts.

My daughter came to see me at a very early stage, she was only 6 but during my confusion she explained to me it was because my brain had bled and that I shouldn't worry about being confused.

I know my wife was under a incredible amount of stress and you should say yes to any help that your family or friends may offer.

Lovinglifegirl profile image
Lovinglifegirl

Be brave and sending you lots of hugs and positivity xx

HungryHufflepuff profile image
HungryHufflepuff

Sending lots of good wishes to you all.

cat3 profile image
cat3

This is probably the biggest challenge you'll ever face as a family partly owing to the shock of the event but also the feelings of powerlessness and uncertainty.

My family described the waiting as torture but were constantly reminded by staff of the uniqueness of each brain injury case and that improvements within the brain are ongoing, minute by minute, albeit imperceptible to onlookers.

The confusion is standard after brain injury. I and many other survivors have stories (from family etc.) of our bizarre imaginings. My delusional ramblings were really troubling to my loved ones along with regular bleeding from pulling out my lines & trying to escape. Thank god we can laugh about the outlandishness now whereas at the time they thought I was lost forever.

Tell your daughter the facts. A child's imagination can create far worse scenarios when 'protected' by half truths. I'm sorry you're in limbo right now Pozza ; it's an unrelenting period of anxiety for you. You'll naturally fear the worst, but there's every reason to hope for the best.

Sincere wishes for your man's good progress and happier days ahead for you all as a family. Please keep us updated.

Cat x

VWBev profile image
VWBev

Thinking of you and your family. My husband had a brain haemorrhage in March, our daughter’s 11. I would echo what other people have said about it being early days and it will get better. I found being upfront with my daughter helped her, she found it hard because although her friends were supportive they didn’t really understand. Keep reaching out when you need support, it’s a difficult time. Best wishes to you all

kate1234- profile image
kate1234-

It is very normal in the early stages to be confused, my mother fell down the stairs in April 2020 and was in an induced coma and suffered a TBI.

When she finally, very slowly come around she was aggressive and thought she was in a hospital abroad, this went on for weeks before she finally settled and began to understand what had happened, we just calmly spoke to her everyday via FaceTime reassuring her she was in a hospital close to us but right now we couldn’t visit, I would advice to always calmly tell the truth to support their road to recovery.

I have a younger sibling who had to experience this trauma, always tell the truth in a child-centred way, even try and draw pictures to sensitively explain what has happened, but always be honest.

What we have learnt as a family is time is the greatest healer, it is amazing what time can really achieve. I truly believe the strength and bond of a family is what can heal. Never ever give up hope!

I am sending my thoughts and prayers to you

Hi, I totally sympathise with you. My dad was the same after his injury due to lack of oxygen but the confusion and paralysis were the same. 9 months on he’s virtually back to normal and all the confusion has gone except for when he’s dehydrated. He believed he was in a marina most of the time and looking at shops. He also kept telling us to come and pick us up and he’d get himself in the car. I had some awful calls in the middle of the night when he was in a side room and thought he’d been locked in a cell, begging me to come and get him. The only real comfort is that he remembers nothing of it and usually forgot all upset within hours. You have to be patient and hopeful and I agree you need to open with your daughter. We began a game every day of where are you, why are are you there, roughly what time is it, what day is it etc after a few months to help orientate dad and eventually it got better and better. It’s practice and a good marker of improvement. My thoughts are with you, keep strong and make sure you use any support you have around you, reach out to those closest and tell them how you’re feeling. It does help to talk x

pozza40 profile image
pozza40

Thank you everyone for all the advice and kind words,it really helps. The visit went fantastically well.It was so lovely to see him and the delight in his eyes when he saw me.we held hands and chatted. its really difficult when this sort of thing happens and its turns everything on its head to stop and slow down and take a day at a time, i think after 3 months of him being in hospital i am just beginning to realise that.

cat3 profile image
cat3 in reply to pozza40

I'm so glad the visit went well Pozza and hope it's blown away the apprehension you were feeling. There's a fair way to go yet but this looks like a good place to start building positives. Keep the updates coming m'love...... x

Orleans1011 profile image
Orleans1011

Sending love and light ❤️

123Bereft profile image
123Bereft

My partner had elective surgery for a brain aneurysm 1 month ago today, he had a stroke during surgery and had no speech or right side movement, since then he has had 2 more surgeries for bleeds and clots and was put into an induced coma, he is now 8 days out of the induced coma and it feels like there is nothing there, I've seen him 3 times since he was out of the coma and he isn't moving, focusing or obeying simple commands, it has been the most terrifying month of my life and every day I wake with hope that gets very quickly squashed when I call the hospital and they say 'no change'. I so wish that my partner as at the stage where I could have a conversation with him, even if it didn't make sense, it does sound like he's fighting and as long as this is the case he will improve, don't forget the road is long and the steps are tiny and don't always go in the right direction, I do hope you enjoy your visit, take care.

TaIaV profile image
TaIaV in reply to 123Bereft

Dear Bereft,

So sorry to hear all that you have endured so far. I can imagine how hard it has been to keep being positive over that whole month without getting the pleasure of seeing progress yet. Wishing you strength and clarity and solace.

123Bereft profile image
123Bereft in reply to TaIaV

Thank you, I had a meeting with his consultant yesterday, didn't say anything I didn't already know but I still cried through it. I got to see him and he looks better without the ventilator, but no change.

TaIaV profile image
TaIaV

Having read stories on this site for several years now, I can tell you that there are dramatic turnarounds that can happen from situations that seem hopeless. Each person is so different. Don't let the current state determine your perspective.

I imagine that your grief is also driven by the ongoing shock of the events. It is good that you can cry. I hope you have a good friend or family with whom you can do that.

You may well be exhausted too. Maybe use that exhaustion to help you get a bit of distance from the pain: Letting go of some of the anxiety and accepting that this is on a path that is not visible to you or the medical team. Assuming that you feel good about the care he is receiving, you can put your energy fruitfully to filling yourself gentle healing energy and then sending some of it to him as well.

All the best.

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