Chaos

[Vick77]

in so sick and tired of myself at present I used to be so organised and excel under pressure... now I can't concentrate on the most basic of tasks and keep getting in a mess who am.i .. where am I going .. is it ever gonna get better . . doubt I'll have a functional relationship .... how can I put this on anyone can't feel like confused child today ... pain treatment due and feeling really horrid in pain sat in my house alone trying not to think

[Elenor3]

Hi, I'm so sorry you're having a horrible time of it. Those are questions we all ask ourselves and it sometimes feels like the answers aren't apparent. The one positive is that no two days can ever be the same....so hang on in there....no matter how long it takes - improvement will happen. Bi is a slow recovery process, frustrating and hard to manage sometimes. But keep going. Things will change x

[Vick77 in reply to Elenor3]

Thank you Eleanor. i won't actually give up as I lost my own father some time ago f2f few years pre B.I . he was young and it hit me hard as regards family I have very little . I would not put my daughter through that especially by choice . it would only serve to emotionially harm her . i try to protect her as much as I can from all of this however inevitably it has affected her ..im still trying to damage control though. I just feel like giving up at times exhaustion I suppose ... nothing has been consistent as regards Support services .. G.P. or anything it's like I'm constantly fighting people to show them I have a disability in order to have the same rights everybody else takes for granted .. as if my nearest and dearest turning on me wasn't enough. Warrington health service as regards B. I and the problems it causes are diabolical .... the first thing that happened when I asked for support was my ability to be a parent was questioned. so I've been jumping through hoops to keep my child ( she was away temporarily) obviously attention to my needs went out the window. just don't know how much more can take . frustration is at astronomical levels . I've already been wrongly labelled by people who have an impact on my child and my life. It's a vicious circle at mo

every new dawn I wake up my tear stained face . put my mask on paint my smile on and try again ... despite feeling it's futile .. I really wish I could write my story, As the impact a B.I has had on anyone is awful but on a person that's been through care system and Domestic violence is different again and soul destroying . not that I'm saying any more traumatic as everyone's traumas are trauma to them . However attachment issues are already well rooted

I totally know why some go off rails via an addiction or other self destruct

Thank you Eleanor for your kind words it really does has an Impact on me .. this forum is the only place that I feel I can talk . relatively alone out here.

Hope you have a lovely day . thank u for giving me a bit more strength xx

[eddstjohnoneday]

am like that love like right now the pain im in I no this im doing nothing today I can only do 2to3 things that's it I wish I could take your pain on .I am a different person my bi 24/7 chronic pain wont put me on strong painkillers tramadol others coz they say look what happened last time and my bi they wont risk it .its ok love to sit in your house all day

that's just bi I sit in mine all the time with me little dog I cant hoover clean house I feel bad and cant understand why I cant do it well what I would say love is we are who we are ,

meaning everyone different bi with pain I no how you feel I really do ,by your post I really feel more sorry for you than me I put others first helpline ladies are the best people in the world to talk to just do your best . and that's it .1 you have all members and helpline angels so your not alone .your never alone you have us . and by your post I can see a good heart ,

remember were here for you eddie

[Vick77 in reply to eddstjohnoneday]

Thank you so much Eddie...sending u as much positive energy as I can muster.. I wouldn't let you have my pain it appears your plate is full ...Physical pain is as normal to me as oxygen ..its the abuse from others that effect myself .but more importantly toy my little girl ... she doesn't deserve it xxx

[MXman]

Morning Vikki

It will pass. I too have days where it gets on top and I feel its tougher then usual but I know it will pass. Its always better too to talk to others and share your feelings.

Have a good day.

Nick xx

[Vick77 in reply to MXman]

morning Nick ...many thanks I can not commend people on this site enough it took a long time to.get the courage to join ..however I'm soooooo glad I did I've had more support and care in the short time I have been here than from most people in my life the last 3 years ☺ Its had an invaluable impact ...just having my issues validated knowing I'm not crazy or alone xx

[MXman in reply to Vick77]

Absolutely. Completely agree with you.

[StrawberryCream]

The photo of you and your daughter is gorgeous. I love the quote and picture too. Have sent you a private message.

[Vick77 in reply to StrawberryCream]

Your are truly an amazing selfless human being. xxx

[StrawberryCream in reply to Vick77]

So very much are you also an amazing selfless person because doing your work to help others has resulted in you being attacked and left with a brain injury. xx

[sospan]

Pre injury I used to highly organised, motivated and could keeping things moving that would make a plate spinner envious. A bang on the head soon stopped that for a while.

However, after listening to the wrong advice for too long and not do anything, I got myself back into gear. One of the things that really helped was something surprisingly simple - cooking.

Cooking is a great way to test your organisational and planning skills but also you get a huge sense of worth when family and friends can enjoy the fruits of your labour. And of course if it goes wrong - hiding the evidence is quite easy if you have a dog or large bin

[Vick77 in reply to sospan]

I shall look into buying a large bin to walk then :-0 Dog i mean many thanks

[Towards_Healing]

Hi Vick77. My heart goes to you and your daughter. It is very hard to go through what you are going through right now, but it will get better. You and your daughter are both gorgeous by the way. One day at a time, sweetie... Baby steps... If you can, take a few minutes everyday to love and nurture yourself, and to mostly be gentle to yourself. We are here for you. Big hugs!

[Vick77 in reply to Towards_Healing]

Im overwhelmed bu the support love and positivity on here ..i have known very little of this throughout my life . for one reason or another

thank you all

its difficult being on the opposite side of your own past role . So glad i joined this site was at quitting point xx

[Towards_Healing]

We are happy you are here Vick!