I reached bottom end.I don't know how to handle myself,my life,my mind,my body...I have lost control and most sad,I have lost hope.
Its been 3 months since I accidentally found out i got a brain aneurism.I am dealing with excruciating pain since more than 4 years due to the double-hernia and a sciatica and a long-lasting depression with severe anxiety...which I'm not anymore able to stop it,regardless.I go to bed and pray not to wake up,that have never happened before,I am waking up crying and it goes through all day long.I don't have any desire to get out of bed,everything and everybody scares or simply annoys me for no reason.I have and feel pain everywhere,especially my chest,I'm hyperventilating to the point where I blackout.I don't live my house anymore unless I really have to,I know I have aged in a few months 5 years,i can't make the anxiety and fear go away.I have possibilities to do yoga,swim,gym,physiotherapy,electroacupuncture,all many other alternative therapies being located in SouthEast Asia at the moment,but nothing works...my thoughts are overwhelming whatever I try...I know its bad when I woke up on Valentine's Morning and I couldn't articulate not even a thank you to my husbands efforts to cheer-me up,I just can't contain my tears rolling all over my face,dropping on my keyboard while I try writing this.I know this isn't the way,but I don't know how to fight this,neither I can't figure out if I want to fight!
I have so much respect for everybody having went through so many tragedies and still hanging to some hope and still being so kind to others regardless what they get through....I feel embarrassed I have to put my story along yours,but I just can't carry this pain no more.I'm at the point I want out,but I know it's not the way...
I would so much appreciate if somebody just could remotely relate to my issues and help me to get a perspective because I have waisted all my will,including the one to live...
God bless you all amazing,brave souls!
PS:English its not my mother tongue,but I hope I got my message across somehow,thank you!