Update on UK adventure

Hello Everyone

As you know Im in uk now and it has not been going so great so far. Im still wobbly and get terrible headaches. I will be able to see neurologist in january. Not sure what will i do by then.

I went for my first headway meeting and left after 20 minutes. Seems this is not for me. Very loud im not sure how people are coping, after my bi im very sensitive to light noise music and crawd and it appeared there was a xmas party. But im sure some people really benefit from that.

My husband asked me would i consider having a cat and i was so happy he actually changed his mind about that! We went to rspca and filled the form and now awaiting home check. If all goes well we will adopt a lovely cat and maybe i will feel less lonely during the day.

I wonder should i go back home or should i try to settle a little; i miss my books etc. everything is ready to transport just need to decide that. Not sure what to do. I miss home or maybe, rather, i miss the idea of home. Not sure. Please share your wisdom..

15 Replies

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  • Give it a bit longer, this is the worst time of the year and things look so much better in the spring when the sun shines and the flowers are blooming. Your headaches may be feeling worse as you are so unhappy.

    I would suggest that you phone the organisers of the Headway event and tell them how stressful you found it. I am sure others in the group aren't good with noise either, it won't always be a christmas party and I am sure they can talk to you about the problems and reassure you. It would be lovely for you to meet others there and maybe have someone to meet up with sometimes for a coffee and a chat. The cat is a great idea IF you are going to stay here, if not you'd have to re-home it again and that wouldn't be fair.

    Is there anything you are particularly interested in? Could you find a craft group, a singing group or something that would occupy your time and enable you to meet others. How about seeing what is on at the local church? Could you cope with WI, the ladies there are usually so welcoming and they do lots of extra things. If you contact the local education centre they could give you details of adult education classes some of which might be fun if you were able to get there. I wish I lived nearby and I'd come and take you out, the best I can do is to wish that you can find happiness here with your husband and that things turn out well for you.

    Jan

  • You already know what I think Iwona. You haven't really seen enough of UK (or even your region) to make a considered judgement. I know you've been unwell but have you managed to get out and about very much ; I've never asked whether you or Tom drive ?

    You're bound to be homesick m'dear, but you're in an unfamiliar place at the gloomiest time of year and you've really been here such a short time.

    Why not commit to getting the medical attention you need and concentrating on getting stronger before making a firm decision. What is Tom saying ; have you told him how you feel ? x

  • Oh and the cat................... that could be a real game-changer !! ;-) xx

  • Hi Cat, Tom works as a driver and i have driving licence but have not been using a car for few years. I did not need to as i lived in capitol. My judgement is not based on what i have seen but rather on my feelings toward the change. Im awaiting the cat :)

  • I'm thinking that even in this, the gloomiest season, a few miles up the road and you'd find some really uplifting green spaces. I often drive up to the Mersey Valley (or cycle there on Sundays when the traffic's quieter) and it never fails to lift my spirits.

    There's something about the calmness, and the beauty of the river winding through the greenness that still touches my soul, even now, after visiting the area so often over the years. And in a vehicle it's only about a 20 minute drive from where you are.

    Then there's Formby beach which is a lovely stretch of coastline approximately 30 mins N.West of Warrington. And of course there's Wales if you want to spend a few days away when the warmer weather comes.

    But if you look on Google maps I'll bet you'll find there are some pleasant green spaces hiding closer to where you live ??

    And remember that I'd be happy to come across if you know of anywhere we could meet up for a coffee. :-/ xx

  • Cat, I know there are nice places and I have lived in Wales before and Im so pleased it is not that far to go back there! We can meet up for a coffee once I buy a sofa, how about that? :)

  • Deal !! :-/ xx

  • iwona c mon youve got to stay now, all those terrible names you called me , all the stick i got from the group all the boooooooooooooos i gave myself.

    no seriously i do understand how hard it is for you.

    when i came out of the armed forces it was the same for me..........civilians didnt have the same sense of humour or understand our language.

  • Steve did I call you terrible names?? I do not recall that and if i ofended you in any way Im sorry. Im staying for now just wondering how to adjust :)

  • iwona ha ha ha dear oh dear i was making fun of you, sorry, but yes i did get chastised by the rest of the group and looking back rightly so.

  • Stick with it iwona......you haven't given it long enough yet.... treat it like a new job, and for that I would say it always takes at least 3months to settle a bit.

    Maybe someone from the local headway volunteering team could visit you at home ?

    And maybe there is a local Polish community group who you could join in with? or church group ? book club ?

    Enjoy getting the flat in cosy order and your first British Christmas with your husband.

    Hang on in there and keep finding small areas of contentment. ☺

  • different headway groups can be quite well different, my local group has four monthly meeting each is different some are more chatty others are quieter etc.

    The warrington group seems to have a monthly meeting plus a drop in, I suspect the drop in would be quieter? I've found does depend with, who is running the group plus who has come. i.e. some folks lovely as they are will monopolise a group etc, given a chance.

  • Sorry to hear you're still feeling torn and unsettled, Iwona084.

    Bits of the UK, in December, can seem fairly gloomy and dismal, but it does get better, we're only a few weeks away from the Winter Solstice, and once we pass that point, the daylight starts to creep back. I have injured friends, and uninjured friends feeling low at this time of year, I think some of us dislike the "You HAVE TO cheer up, it's Christmas!", and I know, personally, that I'm going to spend most of this month being annoyed at next door's blue-flashing outdoor Christmas lights.

    Is there anything you can do to bring any of 'your' winter traditions to the flat? (I can't think of a prettier way to phrase that, and I apologise if it sounds rude.) A little bit of 'home' in your new home, a cross-over from where you were to where you are?

    I can fully empathise with you leaving the group after 20 minutes, we all have different levels of tolerance for stimulus, my son used to check my face as we walked into anywhere 'new', if I shook my head, we'd quietly walk back out again. Perhaps some of the groups others have suggested might be less over-facing? I appreciate that you're feeling very isolated at present, and that 'life' isn't going entirely to plan, but please don't let the negative aspects of your group-visit put you off trying something else. The cat sounds like a very good idea, I'd love to have a cat as a companion, but one of my after-effects from the brain injuries is over-sensitivity to smell, and weird obsessive-picky behaviours, I'd drive myself INSANE with 'cat-smell' and picking up cat-hair off things. (I have a bearded dragon, she's not brilliant company, but she saves me from talking to cupboards...)

    Persevere, sweetheart, nothing worth having is ever easy to come by, and it's the endurance that makes us what we are. You're low now, but you won't always feel this way, I personally find that when I hit a low, remembering/recreating something I found joy in 'before' can help. (As you'd find if you visited my kitchen, which is full of cake, scones, and all manner of other things I can't eat myself, but give to others.)

  • Iwona

    I don't think this time of year is good to make the decision where to be. Everything seems grey and dark and the days must drag. But hopefully as thevdsys lengthen and spring arrives you will begin to feel differently. I know you live in a town, but you are close to so many lovely places, maybe you and your husband can investigate when the weather improves. You've had a massive upheaval, I moved 5 doors down the same street and changed roles at work and currently I'm really struggling, so you must be feeling it tenfold.

    Warrington may not be your first choice of where to live, but I'm sure you can find the good stuff and you are with your husband and hopefully soon to be cat.

    Hang on in there

    Sue xxxx

  • Thank you. I hope by the time spring comes i will be settled. Time goes slow at the moment unfortunately

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