Not coping too well......common theme

I am sat here in floods of tears...trying to cope with my sons brain injury but can't!!!!!!! Why us !!!!!!! Hate everything at the mo n feel so bloody all are fab but I've just had enough but know this is going to be for life! I will get there , just so bloody hard when he had his future and dreams.... All gone by one bloody punch!!! Aaarrrrgh aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

17 Replies

  • He will improve and TOU have to believe. We all know how horrid this is for you and really understand. Us lot are bi but we all totally now how hard it is for family. You are being there for him and he couldn't ask for more even if he doesn't know it yet. I'm sorry you feel like this but you've found us and we will help. Your not alone and we know how hard it is for you. I often think us bi people are better off cause we have it easy, if you know what I mean. Dry your eyes and remember you are helping him. I'm sorry I really don't know what to say but we are here for you and will try to help you through these bad times. I had a serious bi after a crash and my family went through the same I'm sure. Just remind yourself that things may get much better if not perfect but you will have less days like this. You are doing the best you can, just give it time. I always say the brain is bruised and has to go through all the colours till it settles. It won't be forever this bad. Try to sleep. Just try. You may not and totally understand and we are all here to help xx

  • You are a great mum, remember that. YOUV stood by him and given him your love and attention. Every mum including me would be deverstated if such things happen but they do and the way you are comes across as so supportive and we couldn't ask for anything else. I know it's horrid to see but remember your the best mum he could ever ask for. It's taken me 5 years to fully understand but I do now realise what my family did and are still doing to help me. It's very early days and you will have night like this and it's understandable. I couldn't think of anything worse but I promise it will get less often , my love with you xxx

  • Yes, this is a devastating experience. I am so sorry you , your son and family are having to go through this. Please take care of yourself first. It is so hard to give when your running on empty. The better you take care of yourself the better you'll be able to take care of you and your son. Wishing you peace and comfort on this journey.

  • Have a google for "Paul Pugh Ammanford" a similar incident to your son. He has had a long road to recovery and with a huge amount of support from his mum. Paul has almost become an "Ambassador" for headway in Wales.

    He and his mum also attends the local Headway Branch in our area

  • 1985 I was attacked in the street by 3 cowards. I still get mad mainly because they were cleared in court and I have felt that was the end of my life. At the time I was serving as a firefighter.. No more. I am now epileptic, half deaf. It most definitely cause anxiety but there is a bit of light at the end of the tunnel. Take care both of you. Dave x

  • As parents we are in the habit of fixing anything which goes wrong for our children. Starting with the teething gel and calpol when they're tiny, plasters for grazed knees when they're children, and hugs and advice when teenage issues arise. When something like this goes majorly wrong it can be very isolating.......feeling that no one could understand your situation unless they walked a mile in your shoes. It can be very frustrating when improvement is extremely slow or maybe even feels like it's not happening at all, even if it is. It's hugely unempowering to have to trust the care that you normally provide, to professionals who seem not to have firm answers or guarantees.

    Please know that you're not alone. We just have to get through each day, one day at a time. Most importantly take care of yourself - try to get some respite care in place to make sure you're able to recharge your batteries, and that will enable you to cope better. Are you a registered carer? Have you applied for respite care so that you can have whole days off? If not, search for Carer's Register in your area, or failing that - call your local council to enquire. You don't have to be in receipt of carer's allowance to register as someone's carer. I've sent you a private message. x

  • When my husband got his bi many years ago, I felt just like you do now. It is completely overwhelming. It is also so hard when there is very little you can do to make things right. I have cried, screamed, thrown things. He will hope fully get better than he is now and there is a light at the end of the tunnel to focus on. The most important thing to do is concentrate on YOU, you need to be strong for him. As others have said, try to get some respite help if you can and do try to build a life outside caring, even if it's only meeting a friend for a coffee. This will benefit your son too, as you will be able to cope better if the whole of every day isn't just about being a carer.

    Take great care of yourself, you are still YOU not just your son's nurse.


  • It is inspiring to read these messages of support! Sadly not everyone is able to rise to the challenge of TBI. My mother a former nurse was great but she died suddenly and unexpectedly and immediately my father, brother and sister and their children wanted nothing to do with me and mine - no reason given but logically it would be because they did not want the hassle of all my/our difficulties...

    It is very hard and my young people are now adult and able to anticipate the problems of having to explain such a family to new partners and are saying that they cannot foresee being able to get married.

    Please hang on in there as your son will need you - and as others have said you are not alone and the modern internet etc is a godsend in enabling communication and support. Also I suggest that you speak to your GP about counselling and possible anti-depressants to help you to navigate this new world and cushion you from the exhausting power of the emotions it stirs up... All the very best.

  • Hello Sambo, Jules here

    I am sure my mum had to go through what you are, I think the mother of an injured child must go through hell with this.

    So So sorry for you at this moment - your friends and here are also my friends and they have kept me going through difficult times.

    I often think about the life of Stephen Hawkin when I cant cope.

    Look after yourself.

    Kind regards



  • Hello Sambo, you have my sympathy, I think it must have been a day for it yesterday, I left the hospital in floods of tears because my other half had a total temper tantrum because the hinge broke on his glasses and yelled at me to do something about it. A stupid thing but I felt like you that I cannot cope with this for the rest of my life, why did this happen, why me. All the so called offers of help after the accident seem to have evaporated and i am trying to deal with everything on my own, work, hospital visiting, home all the bills etc. Then the hospital have decided to send him to Rehab in another town because of our postcode, which means that on top of everything else i have to do a 70 mile round trip every day. It just gets too much at times.... Keep strong but remember you are entitled to have a meltdown as well just have to be careful where you have yours. Take care, Mo

  • Thank you everyone for your kind words and support. I think I have cried all my tears out now. I was in such a dark place, and my friend that I normally off load to was on holiday enjoying some well deserved time out. Its nice to know that when you are feeling in such a dark place you are not alone, that there are people out there that do understand. Thank god for the internet! Life after a brain injury is so hard, not only for our son but for everyone who cares for him. I have battled for everything since our son came out of hospital, there was no support offered at all apart from a leaflet! Surely things have to change, there is obviously lots of people out there in similar circumstances. I feel sorry for those who don't have access to the internet, they must be feeling so alone. I wish I had our old life back, but still need to get my head around that it probably wont happen. I have to embrace our new life now and give our children the best possible chances. Thanks again everyone, BIG hugs...(Elenor3 I will be in touch) xx

  • You MUST fight for help and information , if you don't fight for it you won't get it cause the nhs are so stuck for cash. The ones who are quiet get left behind as the ones who fight take up all the places and money. Keep us all informed on how you are xx

  • Awe I really feel for you. It all seems so unfair. Life can be so cruel sometimes. It must be so difficult when it's your child, as we are automatically tuned in to do everything in our power to help and that's what you are doing, so try to stay strong and keep doing what you know best and what you are good at...being there for your son. You are doing a grand job, tho yes it gets you down looking on but your inner strength and love for your son will keep you going. Lots of love to you and remember to take care of yourself and eat well otherwise you'll be no use to anyone. Totally understandable to have down times. Bless you all. xx

  • whats the story how did your son end up the way he is

  • On a night out watching a game of pool and a man ran from other side of the bar and punched him from behind...the punch split an artery in his neck and caused a massive bleed in his head...The same injury that killed that poor Australian cricketer....we were advised to accept the worst but he fought and stayed with us....I saw the attack on CCTV in court...he was just stood with his hands in his pockets, had no chance to defend himself....he's our miracle x

  • There that program on tonight I think about this xx

  • Hi there, check the headway Facebook page😊...

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