not a good day was today

[irishrose48]

well am still awake and just going over things in my mind,scott has not had a good day today he has been very moody and tired also had to put up with his nasty comments too,when he got them out,i can cope with most things just not the horrid comments :{ got to ring up doctors for the 3rd day running to try and get him a same day appointment at 8am got the lady from wellbeing coming at 10.30 am

[Sambo73]

Must've been one of those days yesterday...my son has a brain injury and he has 'good' days and bad. I was the brunt of his bad day yesterday....just got to keep thinking that its not his fault...its hard because we love them so much then they say something hurtful and its only natural for it to upset us....I struggle with adapting to my 'new' son, but I am beginning to accept that this is how it is now, and I am so thankful that our baby boy (he's 19) is still with us.....be strong Irish rose, the people on here are so lovely and will 'always' support you through the darkest of times, and the good! BIG hugs x

[Hidden]

It's hard isn't it. Although you know that it is the injury talking, it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. Just walk away, take yourself out of the situation, do something you enjoy (read a book, listen to music) for a little while until he calms down. You can't change him, you have to change your way of dealing with it. It has taken me many years to learn this and a lot of counselling! Good luck and hope you manage to get your doctor's appointment. One thing you could try, ask to speak to the Practice Manager and explain the situation to him/her - they may be able to fix up an appointment for you. I've done this before now.

Jan

[Tia-01]

Hi Irish rose my husband has daily rants says hurtful comments and suffers from fatigue. It is very hard to cope with but I just tell myself it's his new brain that's doing this. Stupid things annoy him only Monday we came back from shopping and he couldn't fit tins of tuna in fridge so he fired a plate that had melon on it and a punnet of strawberries onto kitchen floor ranting at me. I left him to tidy his mess up and then went back in and he said darling do you want a cup of tea!! This is what it's like most times he doesn't remember his rants. as for doctors it's a nightmare trying to get appointments these days. Good luck for today x

[irishrose48 in reply to Tia-01]

Yes I need to learn and am sure will on time as it's only been 5 weeks since his brain bleed ,rang doctors up at 8am this morning and bingo we are in at 10.30 am whoopwhoop let's see what they say this time , they may surprise me and tell me he is fit for work lol x

[Tia-01 in reply to irishrose48]

Very very early days Rose it's hard enough trying to cope with what has happened never mind anything else. So glad you got appointment and no your husband def not ready to go back. Get him to give you 12 week line then if things do improve he can go back no signing off needed if not then call 2 weeks before due date and get another line. Xx

[Elenor3]

Hi , I'm sorry you're going through this.........it's still quite early days, and you're having so much pressure to deal with sorting everything out as well. I have become much more placid since my TBI, although I was always a calm person before. But during the last few weeks have found myself in a stressful situation, and have had a few small 'explosions' which are uncharacteristic. My husband saying 'calm down' , or 'people are looking at us', is a trigger for making it worse , so my advice is remove yourself from the situation if you possibly can. For sure Scott doesn't mean the things he's saying......he must be feeling horrible in himself and about his situation if he's behaving like this towards you. You might (when you get a spare minute) try and have a look at some of the Edwin Collins video clips. His wife speaks candidly about his 'behaviours' after his major stroke, but later videos show the vast improvements, not just in his physical abilities, but in his moods........it gave me hope when I was having bad days a long while back. Things do get better, but it takes a while. Stay strong xx

[moo196]

Glad you got through and nabbed an appointment for today. Maybe ask them how to handle the difficulties getting appointment slots ? I'd be asking for a regular weekly slot with doc for a few weeks which you could cancel if not needed ?

[Gaia_rising]

Oh, sweetheart! I'm pleased you managed to get an appointment sorted. (I know what it's like pressing 'redial' repeatedly, and then eventually getting through to be told they're booked up.)

I saw this post yesterday, and wanted to comment, but I was so wrapped up in how I was commenting from the 'other side' that I didn't want to seem insensitive. You're in the very early days, here, which is no real consolation, but, from my personal experience, it does get better. As I said, I'm the brain-injured party here, but I recognise a lot of the behaviours you're describing from Scott.

At the very beginning of this adaptation process, I can only describe my behaviour as swinging rapidly between that of an over-tired toddler and a stroppy teenager. (I'm incredibly fortunate in that my job involves behavioural management of teenagers, so, once I realised I was behaving like one, I was able to employ work-strategies to reduce my impact on others.) I was VILE, I pretty much caged myself in the house, because my 'first impulse' on everything was guaranteed to be horrible/offensive, and then took it a step further, and would hole-up in my bedroom if I recognised that I was becoming irritable. The hard part is that if anyone else had told me to try that, I would probably have snapped at them.

I can sort-of laugh about it now, the thought of a 38 year old woman complaining that THAT glass of water was too cold, and hurt my teeth, and then THAT glass of water 'tasted of curtains' (No, I've never eaten a curtain, but I decided that the glass of water that had been left on the window-ledge so it wasn't so cold 'tasted of curtains'- the window-ledge that it had been left on didn't even HAVE curtains, it's a roller-blind.)

The over-tired toddler bit- I was over-tired all of the time, because my brain, and to a lesser extent my skull were still repairing, it was a bit like that rubbish-tired stage when you're just about to come down with the 'flu, everything aches, everything's too heavy, and everything is 'wrong', you don't 'get' that you're ill until you start sneezing. Scott will 'get' that he's been very ill, but the hard part is finding the right person to explain it to him, in a way that will 'stick'. I've seen from your other posts that you don't have a great deal of support from family, and I can't imagine how hard that must be, you ARE doing a fantastic job by carrying on, and not just sticking your head in a cupboard and screaming.

Maybe you could contact Headway via this forum, and ask them what support is available for Scott, and YOU? It sounds backwards me saying this, because I deliberately CHOSE to isolate myself, as part of my coping mechanism, you haven't chosen this, being isolated with what appears to be a man-sized teenager (no offence meant to Scott, his brain IS re-modelling, in the same way brains do during adolescence, but with the memories of a man, he WILL get frustrated when he can't figure out how to do things that used to be automatic, I remember that stage very clearly.)

[irishrose48 in reply to Gaia_rising]

thank you for that your describe it right I am learning myself that he needs to re learn too its hard to get your head around at times ,we went shopping the other week and there was loads of kids running round shouting and screaming he said to me very nasty can you not shut them f...... up we now go shopping at night or I do it on the internet that hurt as we have bought 7 kids up ourselfs and for him to turn round and say that was a shocker but we are learning he gets tired quickly so if we shopping in a big supermarket I put him in one of there wheelchairs ,as for family I have not seen them since scott came out of hospital I have learned that what they say and what they do are two diff things and to be blunt I have given up on them ,its now just me and scott we are very isolated due to scott not driving and no money to do anything ,the fact we are miles from anywere and we don't even has bus route either and he is not stable in going on a bus so we are feeling very isolated and lonely but hahoo we will just have to deal with it x

[Gaia_rising in reply to irishrose48]

You're strong-hearted, and you have the will to keep on going, it's desperately hard, The husband's family all decided I must be 'better' when I was discharged from hospital, and carried on as if there was no change, my world, our worlds, had been turned upside-down, and coming out of hospital was only one tiny-small step. They'd swing between the patronising "Can we do anything for you?" and the assumption that I'd want to 'do' things, go out, go shopping, when I was using all my energy coming to terms with the changes.

I get the supermarket thing, all of my shopping has been done online, since the time just after discharge when the husband decided that I'd LOVE a day out to the massive shopping centre- I couldn't hack it, it was a massive sensory overload. I can manage the odd day-trip to town with my son, and I can go to the local shop for bits, but, even now, the 'big' supermarket would be too much.

You will deal with it, and Scott will stop being so angry at everything,