Need to find a bff

[Capewell]

For years now I have never wanted or need friends or somebody to talk to. Yet now all of a sudden I want a BFF, somebody to just talk to and have a laugh with.

I don't know why but it seems really important

[Hidden]

It is good to have friends to do things with and surely a sign of your recovery? Do you go to things where you meet other people? It is good to go to a group where people have the same interests as you, then you are already part of the way to being friends. Good luck, I hope you fine a special friend soon.

[Hidden]

Hi, yes, brain injury is a lonely place and, because we often look almost the same as we used to, people dont appreciate the seismic changes that have gone on. I lost all my pals and marriage after my ABI but felt tough and resilient and didnt really want people near me, so much easier to be alone as nobody really understood but yes, like you, I am starting to miss friendship and, as exhaustedwife posts, it is a sign of recovery. I wish you luck and hope you find some lovely people to laugh and share life with. We all need them

[Capewell]

I think the problem is that I don't really feel any emotions or empathy and just guess them. Then with my only fear is being lonely. Which then leads me to a whole big mess with my anxiety.

I have to admit thinking about it I guess I need stop running away from being lonely/isolated with parts of me and accept it. As I went through 10 years of being on my own and worse than I am now and people trying to convince me that there was nothing wrong with me. So what's the worst that can happen really.

I may have odd days where odd symptoms and signs from the old days show, but I hit the bottom went through it and straight past hell and got out of there.

So I just need to take it one step at a time and who knows where I will end up and who I might me. I just need to be the happy defiant me, that keeps going and doing things that I have been told I can't.

[Candace8]

It is. Mine saw me in the paper, I had just moved into this house and was on the front page of the paper,,,, again. Her husband called over then a week later I met her. 5 years on she has been every step of my recovery. It's best they don't know you before your bi as I don't have one of them friends anymore. She is just fab we have been through everything in mine and her life together, we are very very close x

[Candace8]

Oh it's you just realised, bless you. Still feeling pants. I wish I was nearer so I could be your best friend 😳 you may not want me as a best friend but hhheeeyyy unlucky. Don't think your wife would be impressed cause I'm so beautiful 😆x

[Nutkin33]

Yup. Now that I have moved over to the UK, all my friends are left behind! I am lucky to have made some new friends at Headway, but have no one serious, and I have never had anyone in my flat!

I find good company with my dogs, but I did have to have 10 sessions with a Phycologist!

Maybe one day, someone really special, and understanding will appear! Till then, I am happy on my own. (I am lucky enough to have two children, and also 2 grandchildren, but they are faraway, in another country)

Best of luck!

Debs xx

[bexx87]

I need that, I try and make friends and go to social outings (even run my own to find friends) I do penpalling and have visited some friends through that (have you thought of penpalling?) but still have nothing long term (I keep thinking that if I ever get a hen night its going to be boring lol)

[Capewell in reply to bexx87]

No I hadn't thought of penalties. I just find when getting on with people or trying to make friends my anxiety kicks in and can't stop it and the reget it and it starts a whole circle of mixed anxiety and anger.

[bexx87 in reply to Capewell]

are you on medication for anxiety, I get anxious in work and was put on them and they calm everything down and maybe talking to people via letters will help you get use to talking to people there are loads of sites where you can find other people like facebook and other online sites and you get to be creative with paper and pens and stickers and do swaps

[Capewell in reply to bexx87]

Yes I am on medication for my anxiety and it helps controlled it but can still feel as if it is trying to take over me every know and again.

[bexx87 in reply to Capewell]

maybe you need a slightly higher dosage ? or when I do as I am on the lowest dosage is I go for a walk and find some quiet time to calm down and re-gain control (quiet time might be in a toilet cubical or in the server room if in work or if im on my lunch sitting in the car)

[steve55]

capewell want friends ? then you need people who can empathise with you.......you need......wait for it.......HEADWAY.

all joking aside, look on here for your local headway group, the meetings are monthly but we meet in between meetings for coffee at each others houses....a real social atmosphere.........thats the extent of my friends...but we understand and its also a chance for our partners to meet up with each other.

please give it go, it may seem scary but the groups are friendly and welcoming.

good luck

steve

[janb777]

Always here for you Capewell. Wherever Life plants you, Bloom with Grace. Jan xxx