I've took a step back trying to work things out in my head
Truth is your the only ones who get me and our life. I've cried buckets full. Truth is i just don't know what the future holds but does anyone? All i know is I've never stopped loving mark and never will stop. . And right now that's all i have. I know i lost him the day he fell off that ladder and i re live that day every day
I still can't talk about it all my gp answer is mild anti depression tablets. Well no thank you. I'm getting something sometimes and I'm working my butt off to get marks empathy back.
Even when he's on the drive waiting for me to finish work when i drive on
I see my mark. Big smiles
Missed you all xx sorry
Written by
debbie36a
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16 Replies
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Hi Debbie
I am so sorry that you are really going through a tough time. It does take a long time to adjust to what has happened and the changes in Mark, doesn't help that often they do not realise http at they are different!
Hang onto those moments when you see the old Mark, every tiny step forward is a positive on. Have your tears, we all do, that's your release valve and you will get through this in time.
Have I mentioned before about looking for your local Carers organisation? They are there to help you, the unpaid family Carer. Mind have been great, listening when I want to scream or cry and I have had some counselling through them. They also help me with things like forms or thinking about other things that might help me continue working and caring.
I live in very rural part of Wales so have the same difficulty with lack of services. Look for online help from Headway, Carers Trust and Carers UK if that suits you better they are all great organisations. X
It can't be easy for you Debbie, it's a lot easier for us BI survivors. We just have to cope with our new selves. You have to watch and live with your "new" partner. I really do feel for you, I've always said I'm glad it was me and not any of my loved ones.
Just remember we are here, our arms are outstretched, we understand and you can lean on us all you need.
Think long and hard about those antidepressants, your brain is struggling to make those chemicals to keep the balance right, they can be a real help. I've ditched mine now, but it took three and a half years, I just went with the flow.fighting it is part of the problem.
I know you say you find it hard to talk to people about yourself but try and find someone. Will your gp put you forward for counselling. You also have gone through a life changing event.
You need to get how you feel out. You are not being disloyal doing this. If you dont it may fester and build up inside you.
It is easier being a bi survivor. We are busy adapting to our new self yet we dont see the change it has on loved ones. We feel the same towards them but may find it hard that loved ones are having difficulty letting go of the old and letting the new in.
Mark at the moment may be wrapped up in understanding the new him and not understand your torment. This is not given as an excuse but from personal experience I found I was to wrapped up in myself to notice any imoact I was having on others.
Please please get help. There is a future honest. It may be a rocky path to get there but once you realise you both want the same thing it is possible. That saying you both need to accept the new Mark. It does not mean the old one has completley gone, he may just be altered.
It may take time but from my experience it is worth all the effort.
No need for apologies Debbie ; it's just good to see you're back.
Remember that, at this early stage, Mark's brain has a lot more healing and compensating to do, so there's lots of room and time for further improvements.
And as Janet mentioned, please don't automatically dismiss the idea of antidepressants ; they can help to keep you strong when all else fails. You need every bit of available help to deal with the coming challenges.
Whatever else you do, stay with us now.................whether to compare notes, to offload or just to be amongst friends.
It must be hell for you and my hart is with you all the way. I class myself as version 2 now and my wife wants version 1 back but its not coming back and I really empathise with you as I know how my wife feels.
I completely agree with what Paxo says in that you need to get how you feel out it really helped my wife with counselling as she needed to get how she felt out. She discovered what was hurting her wasn't the actual Bi and that my loving side had changed and in all i have changed but the actual accident itself. She was there and close up and saw the hole thing which hurt her more because of the helplessness she felt and that I was out for so long. Its worth a try and you have nothing to loose with chatting to an expert for a few hours.
I had a great chat with my wife Lisa a few days ago and it was a fantastic conversation the best we have had for ages. I am getting better and earning every day and so is she and the old me won't come back but who knows V2 may be a better person.
Its a tough journey really tough and I do believe we can get through them. Its a fantastic place here to chat and share our experiences with positive answers and suggestions coming back from likeminded people and I'm sure it would help you to get some help. Your not alone here far from it.
Please see if your GP can refer you for counselling. As has been said it can be a real help. You are grieving and yet no one died but you did lose Mark.
Dealing with everything that a bi can throw at a family can be a huge strain.
We are here to listen and you never know we might have an occasional bright and helpful idea.
I'm so sorry you are going through this Debbie36a. It must be so frustrating for you. It is difficult enough being the one with the BI but I almost think it must be worst for their nearest and dearest. To watch someone you know and love go through all this must be absolutely the hardest thing in the world. I think you're right about GPs. They don't really have the time or the inclination to talk things through. So their solution is medication. But that clearly isn't always the answer. Have you tried to talk to any other professional?
Hi Debbie. You are going through exactly what my wife is going through living with me. Once have an ABI we are never the same person. This is why we are all here for each other on thus fantastic forum. My wife has finally given in to the fact that she is my carer as well as wife, and why it has been a struggle for the past 8 years. It is not easy to accept, deal with and live with. Make sure you contact your local mental health service and GP about being a carer, and get all the help and advice you need and deserve.
I am so sorry , I have been down that dark place many years ago , and it is a sad and lonely place , my wife had a SAR . have you got any friends or family close. You need to talk and share with somebody or is there a Headway near you.
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I hope this wasnt all in vain
\"See I was right all along\"
In need of advice and reassurance 
Had this all my life if you even need out knowing let me know as iv struggled with it all my life
Hope you all are good
