Morning all and Merry Christmas .

My husband suffered a SAH just over two years ago, he is doing fantastic.

He manages to go out on his own without any issues. He also manages most social occasions quite well.

I have noticed that when he doesn't like someone, if someone maybe ignores him, he really becomes quite mean.

Currently it's my daughter, 24, who lives with us, previously a neighbour, some friend. This is breaking my heart. Do any of you have these feelings and if so how do I deal with this ? I have tried several times to tell him how much it hurts my heart and although it registers at the time and he is very sorry it soon goes back to him being real hurtful to her. I don't know how to move forward, this is really effecting my daughter, she is not his daughter but he has lived with her for 8 years. He adores my other daughter, 19, and she for the most adores him back, although he can be very offensive about some of he friends.

I adore my husband but this is really hurting me .

6 Replies

  • Not personally no, I'm a bit more random and can at times forget I'm talking to someone and walk off etc on a bad/tired day.

    Possibly worth seeing GP who could refur him to have help?

  • Hi There

    I have not commented on post but when I read yours I thought I would reply.

    My husband had a Traumatic Brain Injury nearly 8 years ago.

    Although his IQ remained intact he has been left with congnitive problems, one being personality change. He can insult me or our children one minute and the next is being nice. It can come at any time no reason as to why he starts. He also insults close friends and over the years has lost a lot.

    The problem is he doesn't realise he is doing it until it is pointed out to him. Brain Injured people hurt the ones they love. He has lost lots of jobs due to inappropriate behaviour, that is saying things to offend.

    Go to your GP and see if you can get him referred for cognitive therapy. My husband got it. It might help your husband realise the effect his behaviours have on you and others. It can be hard on you, as you are involved and have to tell the therapist what he is doing/saying in front of your husband.

    I have 2 older children which are not my husbands and 2 younger ones that are his. He insults the younger ones more than the older 2. They were only 6 and 9 when it happened and I had to explain to them that when he said things to hurt it wasn't their daddy talking it was the injured part of his brain. His therapist told me that the children were to tell him off for being rude and tell him not to do it again then walk away. Unfortunately my husband did not and still does not think he has any issues but all his family and friends know differently.

    I feel for you and your children as I know what your are going through, no doubt as me it is daily.

    I would try and see if your GP can refer him but he will have to agree to it and tell how it is tearing the family apart they might try and fast track it for you.

    Its very hard to live with its hard enough when its yourself but worse especially when it is your children being hurt, its awful.

  • Thank you for you heartfelt advice. I will try anything and will see if we can get some further help from the GP. Have a good Christmas x

  • Hi Bradybunch.

    After my bi along with other changes one of them was my personality...or lack of at times.

    If anything it is best discribed as child like. I can flip instantly and seem to have no filter over thoughts and can be very tactless.

    Initially I was unaware of this change. But even though I am now aware I seemto have little control over it.

    The positive is I can definately say I am not two faced and never say anything behind anyones back. The bad side is I lose friends easily.

    My close family have got used to this and infact now they are open with me how they feel ( no egg shells anymore in our house) and this seems to work. I may sulk a while but thanks to short term memory problems I soon forget.

    This may not be the best solution but it works for us. Things only got easier to live with once I accepted what I was like.

    All the best and Merry Christmas.


  • I had a SAH in March and I think it has changed my personality. It's a fact that any injury or impact to the brain will make the personality sharper. So black and white with no sugar coating... What has helped me has been therapy and yoga. It has kept me a lot calmer and gives me a different perspective , but I also can get angry quickly at times. This will take time and he will go back to normal slowly. When he is calm just explain how you feel. But definitely get some therapy. It has a very positive effect.

    I have done a video blog on recovery. Please do watch and ask your husband to watch it.

  • Thank you for sharing your stories - I have to say Pax you sound like my husband. Its not all doom and gloom in our house sometimes it's ok, which I now think is wonderful. Please have a beautiful Christmas with the people you love xx

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