Christmas Notes From The Brain Damaged Baron

An update from last year...

Here we go again. Holidays are coming, holidays are coming....

Oh sod off, I hope that Coca Cola lorry crashes into a snow drift somewhere south of nowhere. The endless adverts are rolling around again, seemingly on a loop flogging tat that you wouldn't buy any other time of the year. John Lewis has an old chap on the moon looking through a telescope. Smyths toys have appeared again (Who?) Asda have rolled out a series of adverts that are so annoying you want to break the TV every time one appears. Even Aldi have clambered up on to the tinsel bandwagon. It makes me yearn for personal injury ads, or God forbid, PPI claims.

Bah humbug? Damn straight.

You see, I have a brain injury and that takes pretty much all of the ‘glee’ out of Christmas.

Alcohol becomes a must at this time of year. I don't drink; Ho, ho, ho.

Presents, endless request for overpriced crap from the children; I'm not rich. Ho, ho, ho.

Decorations, forty tonnes of them everywhere you look. All over houses, inside shops, hanging from streetlights; I hate flashing lights most of the year anyway. Ho, ho, bloody ho.

Oh, and Xmas cake is utterly vile in the extreme. Ho, ho, ho.

Plus, frankly, I'd rather have a curry than a plate of Turkey and stuffing. Christmas really isn't for me. After last year’s ‘story time’ the kids know that Santa won’t be coming this year due to the consequences of that sleigh crash just off the M6 twelve months ago. We’ll mourn Rudolph who had been too badly injured to fly. A vet had been forced to put him out of his misery. It’s was for the best. Ho, ho, ho.

Stress is the mortal enemy of anyone with a brain injury. Sadly, stress goes alongside Christmas like black goes with white, bread goes with milk, or, more relevantly, Tom goes with Jerry. It’s a right royal pain in the proverbial. Everyone MUST be happy and smiley, we all should be fed within an inch of our lives and most importantly of all… every penny in our possession must be spent on the aforementioned tat and given as ‘gifts’. Every penny, and, all too often, so much more.

And for relaxation, Ant and bloody Dec will spend two hours of the day (or more) proving that beyond all reasonable expectations, they are still popular.

Aah, stress. Happy Christmas one and all. Pass the Nurofen. Again. In fact, wrap some and make that my gift. THAT, I would appreciate.

25 Replies

  • What's great too Andy is, when trying to order said girls on line, I cock it all up because I'm brain damaged and navigating these sites is a nightmare, just try explaining for the umpteenth time that you have a brain injury and their on line sites are NOT easy to use, particularly like the Tesco one where you have to navigate between two sites to redeem vouchers.

    Such joy is overwhelming, plus this site has decided I have to enter my ID and password every time I want to use it, even though I've ticked the keep me logged in.

    PayPal throws a wobbler from time to time to

    As you would say, deep joy!

    All the best xx Janet

  • It should say said gifts not girls, Oooh Matron! Freudian slip if ever there was one!! Jx

  • I did wonder! Ordering girls online is a whole different type of 'gift' :)

  • The gift you don't want to share ....

  • LOL !

    Having a slight panic about this most wonderful time of the year, myself.

    Sooo far behind with everything, so low on funds this time.

    Looking forward to time with family and hoping for an upgrade in ability.

    Currently look like I've been on the alcohol, ho ho ho.

    Think I already know whose name will appear on the top of the redundancy list in the forthcoming Council cuts - 2 months off and counting... Lo, Ben Adam's name lead all the rest...

    God help us, everyone.

    To our very good health, Baron : )

    Gizza job !

    Hah bumhug !


  • So you won't be donning the red suit & white beard then ? :D

  • I'm afraid the court order prevents that

  • Ooops, forgot.....................sorry ! x

  • PMSL! we celabrate yule in our house! i mean REALLY! its one day and a roast dinner,get over it! however at least this year my hubby will be at home and my mum and stepdad are coming and bringing food cos we are broke!

  • P,S i donot even eat turkey iam veggie!

  • Ha ha ha now that made me laugh Baron. or should I say Ho Ho Ho. No not keen on Christmas either but have to try and get into the spirit due to 2 teenage kids, ho hum. Its just another day really. Baa humbug. Nice ro spend time with the kids though.

  • Not just me then?

    To be perfectly honest, I never 'did' Christmas before the haemorrhage, and I won't be 'doing' it this year, either. Even 'before', the thought of being shoe-horned into his parents' house with all of the extended family, while they talk incessantly about swapping receipts and exchanging presents... I tried to play along one year, and swapped the HORRIFIC jumper they'd bought me (Three sizes too big, because all the females on that side of the family are 'large'.) for a slow-cooker.

    I'm not a Christian, and nor am I sponsored by Coca-Cola. I WILL NOT sit around the in-laws' table while everyone except my son and I chew open-mouthed, and talk with mouthfuls of food.

    My boy has known, for as long as he was old enough, that at Christmas, people buy each other presents. He's come to the age where he feels really uncomfortable asking other people to buy him things, and, for the last few years, he's had to consciously not buy himself a game, or gadget, or whatever, that's come out in the summer, because, as soon as the deck-chairs are away, the in-laws start pestering him with "What would you like for your Christmas?"

    This year is going to be worse, because the husband loses his job in 15 days. I don't know how long he has known that was going to happen, but he only told me last week, no doubt to 'save me worrying'. What I'm worrying about now, is at least two weeks trapped in the house with a man I genuinely can't stand to be around, I'll be glad to go back to work, and I have to be extremely careful not to shout "A divorce!" if the in-laws ask me what I want for Christmas. (They won't ask, they'll buy me a bottle of gin I shouldn't drink, and a pair of navy blue tights in the wrong size, and they'll spell my name wrong on the gift-tag. Come on, it's only been 20 years.)

  • No, not just you!! Pain in the arse isn't it, chuffing hate it. I genuinely feel for you. Your situation sounds awful and I'll be thinking of you. x

  • My situation is what it has been for years, I just have an extra scar this year. I'll be OK, I always am, and the boy has watched me slide out of 'Christmas' for years, so it's not like I've suddenly turned into the Grinch... I always was. x

  • Ha ha now that made me laugh Gaia, what do you want for Christmas? a divorce.

    Its difficult for all of us and this will be my first Bi Christmas which I'm not looking forward to as iv said its just another day but I have to be jolly for my kids and my wife. Well Il try anyway. Lots of house projects to do so that will take the edge off. Have a great day. XX N

  • I'm a ratbag, and I HATE the fakery of Christmas, I've been opting out for years- they can 'nanas if they think that I should suddenly see the light, and want to be around them because I had a bit of a medical issue, I haven't been a part of it for years, and I'm not starting now, because the thought of them all sitting there, chewing with their mouths open, and watching telly, is making me cringe.

  • I never liked christmas much before!

    1st christmas which was just less than a month, after I remeber almost nothing I think I mostly slept on the sofa! But I felt safe and loved.

    2nd chrismas I worked most of it looking after someone in hospital playing carry on nursing and so on!

    this year we'll see i guess I'm struggling with energy levels which isn't a good sign! and it's only just december!

  • Strange, most years I have been quite "warm" to christmas. This year it just seems 10 time more commercial and consumerist than last year. It does help that some people down here had their decorations and trees just after 5th November.

    Endless adverts and Party food. Party food used to be sandwiches, sausages, crisp and cheese on a cocktail stick. Not this over priced over complicated nonsense. What I can't believe is that a large number of people have to rely on food banks whilst others go out and buy party food. Didn't a revolution start about starving people "eating cake"

  • Never mind, there's always Chris Rea... ;-)

  • Well I'm warming to it. Ho ho Ho tis the season to be jolly. Now if only I could remember the rest of the words, damb Bi...

  • At least this year I didn't get to the last few days before the big day before I realised it was upon us!

    Tonight I do panto with the cubs. Then we have concerts, church services, Christmas luches and Christmas parties and a panto with school, then there is the eldest been up till all hours meeting deadlines but convinced that she has failed and will need to re sit her year of forensic psycobiology, and eldest son cramming for prelims just after Christmas and our youngest will be super cheerful.

    On top of everything else I'm recovering from lumbar puncture that went wrong and I have no immune system to speak of, yes something else they discovered when they found out my clotting was much slower than it should be and stick that with the 6 year aneamia and, yup! I'm on top form.

    No I don't have a tree up. It goes up Christmas eve and goes down on 2 January.

    This year gifts are bought. Wrapped and have labels on!

    I'm not shopping for half an army of food and I don't drink so no booze.

    I'm not a bah humbug tho. I like to see the little ones get excited at the thought of Santa visiting. My kids are very excited about the Christmas pants and Christmas eve pjs. Small things eh?

  • Hi, your post made me realise why I am not a big fan of Christmas. More stress, more work. Made worse by the fact I lost my lovely Dad last year just before Christmas. Will admit I find the decorations pretty. I find the easiest way to deal with writing cards is to do a few at a time so the task doesn't become to overwhelming.

    Warmest Regards.


  • Oh quite with you on this one. Cringe as the tinsel goes up in town when we have only just taken the harvest sheaves out of the church porch. Chuckle when they have a banner for the 'Christmas Fair' here which is advertised (with no sense of irony whatsoever) as being on Advent Sunday. Am amazed and perplexed as to how they sell enough at said market to keep it going year on year given that your average postmodern Joe doesn't know what, let alone when, Advent is. Get really annoyed when people walk out partway through an Advent Carol Service in the cathedral, presumably because they can't see Good King Wenceslas and the Three Kings making an appearance - bit early for St Stephen or the Epiphany but hey, that red coated fella we laughingly hear called St Nick is everywhere and has been for weeks so it must be Christmas, right?

    No it is not. It is Advent. Christmas doesn't happen until Christmas Eve. We are instead in Advent - a time in this otherwise deeply dark and depressing end of the year when we can think, and wonder about the (real) 'reason for the season'. It is supposed to be a time of quietness, of watching and waiting. It is supposed to reflect the passing of the old and the beginning of the new. It has come from our Celtic pre-Christian traditions, and served us well in days when we were a lot more in tune with our world. But the other kinds of flashing lights came along and have obliterated this time of quiet and darkness.

    Because postmodern Jo(e) it seems prefers the bright lights, crass commercialisation, pressure, unrelenting 'All I Want For Christmas Is Yoooooou' blasting through their eardrums, overloaded expectations, and a 'gimme, gimme, gimme' mentality.

    ......or does s/he? Responses here would suggest not. So glad you are all, in your own way, rebelling. So I wish you all a peaceful and prayerful Advent! And we will get to Christmas when we get there.

    P.S. just a point of note: St Nick was a bishop, so if anything he would have been in a frock. And it would have been purple. Tell that to Santa next time you get a chance to sit on his knee in a dept store midway through October.....😀😉

  • I'm a late comer to this post but ho ho ho another bar humbug arises..(**,)(**,)

    its made me chuckle at some of the comments as Christmas is now to commericalised to enjoy any of it.

    I have got out of xmas day dinner I'm working good excuse to turn down invitations:) :)

    I'm going out to lunch instead boxing day with friends up to one of the small mountain villages which is the different side of Cyprus to the tourist trap.

    So seasons greetings to all "I wish it could be Christmas everyday " now you won't get that tune out of your head.....hahahaha


  • Sounds like you get the perfect Christmas, aside from the working part. Cyprus will be just a tad warmer than Lincoln, trust me on this!

    You have a great one! And yes, people in Africa DO know it's Christmas! :)


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