Jubilee Sailing Trust 2

[Matt2584]

[cat3]

Looking very serene there Matt, or is it a shattered look ??

Thanks for posting. xx

[Matt2584 in reply to cat3]

It could have been a bit of both :).

To be honest, I didn't really do a lot at all while on board, a lot of sitting around.

A lack of confidence is an issue with me, I lost loads of it years ago. Headway have helped better it along with other groups. But it's not at it's peak.

I feel uncomfortable in my own skin sometimes and may need a kick in the right direction at times.

I don't always speak up when I should but that is down to the confidence I'm afraid.

Still, I had a good day even if I did feel like I didn't do a lot on board :).

[cat3 in reply to Matt2584]

Listen Matt, for someone low in confidence, your spirit and determination to get 'Out there' is fantastic.

I've nothing but admiration for you ; for your humour, your art, your kind heartedness and your willingness to take part in whatever comes your way.

Thank you, for just being you !! xx

[Matt2584 in reply to cat3]

Aww, thank you very much for what you said Cat :), that was noce of you to say.

I guess sometimes I annoy myself over thinking some things and really I shouldn't.

[StrawberryCream in reply to Matt2584]

Your confidence is not a problem for you on here as you manage as well as anyone else with your posts and replies. But I totally get it that in situations where you meet with others or have to do something that it wavers. I think societies lack of understanding and perception of brain injury makes it very hard for us to be confident in social situations. A lack of confidence and social ability is my infliction too. So you are not alone with that difficulty Matt. In fact from what you post on here you are far more involved in things and attending groups etc than I am!

[Matt2584 in reply to StrawberryCream]

My confidence has definitely risen over the 8 years I have been going to my local Headway meetings. When I very first joined, I was as quiet as a mouse, wouldn't say "boo" to a goose and would feel nervous about speaking up or even moving from one spot to another!

It is different now though, I am a service user mentor/volunteer and I make the drinks for the group which is testing on my memory but has helped a lot with my confidence.

I am not bothered about moving around the place and although I can be a quiet person, I do speak more, especially when someone else starts the conversation. :).

Before I joined Headway I spent a few years online chatting, speaking to different people from around the globe in chat rooms.

I did come across as a confident person back then as well even though on the outside I virtually had none. But online, I get to speak my mind. It is a much more different thing than speaking face to face with someone. Plus, I think the other reason why i excelled at online chatting is because you could say things that might anger people and you would not get a fat lip out of it haha.

I did not try to anger people, I tried being myself. I was honest with people and told some people who I felt closer to about myself. But a lot of people who I spoke to online were hot heads, like bulls in china shops they were.

I think a part of the reason why I can be quiet is because of the weak muscles in my face. It makes it more of an effort to talk sometimes. I cannot naturally press my lips together so pronouncing Bs, Ps and Ms is a difficulty at times.

When I am conversing with someone, I can sometimes see on the look of their face that they don't understand what I am saying to them.

[malalatete]

Hey, I don't know I would even have got on the boat and if I had i would have been curled up in a ball in a corner ... well done you!

[Matt2584 in reply to malalatete]

Thank you Mal :).

[razyheath43]

looking the part there! getting out and about is good so yay! go pirate!

[Matt2584 in reply to razyheath43]

Thanks heath :).

[angelite]

I like this pic- you look really chilled out : )

I see you have a purple bandanna beneath your tri cornered hat- the attentions in the detail !What a lovely view behind .

I love dressing up- recently went to a Kate Bush tribute concert and wore a mad ruched purple velvet top.I already have the hair ! Yes, I did all the actions to Wuthering Heights lol !

I used to be painfully shy in younger days but my confidence increased as I got older.

Since my illness I have stopped caring so much about other''s judgements and grab every opportunity I can to enjoy myself : )

Thanks for posting these great pics : ) x

[Matt2584 in reply to angelite]

I'm glad you like the picture :).

I did have a purple bandana beneath the tricorn hat, the attention was in the detail and the attention is also in the photo :).

The Kate Bush tribute sounds good. I would like to have done the dance to Babooshka haha.

My other disabled group, Dis-play, go on weekend holidays at the end of January to a place called Warner Lesiure Hotels. The nearest one to us is Sinah Warren in Hayling Island.

They are briliant, no kids only adults and I feel very confident geting around the place. In the evenings you can hit the dance floor, which is very fun. And it is only my Mum and me and some friends who go, my Dad doesn't go which is good cos I wouldn't be up dancing in front of him haha.

I think that is what happened to me a bit. Before I joined Headway when I spent years at home losing confidence and social abilities, I used to overthink things way too much.the way I see it, everyone is judgemental to a degree and knowing that, I always assumed the moment I walk out the door, people would be judging me.

In the first year or two of Headway, whenever I went out and about I would tell myself "Who cares what people think, they haven't been through hell, I have".

People do stare and judge but not all the time. In fact, once I started lifting my head and would look around, people were not staring at me but watching where they were going.

So I don't care so much now either but I still hold myself back at times when it comes to potentially enjoying myself :).