So today I had an appointment with my GP who was pleasently more in-tune with what I was trying to describe to him than I was expecting.
He seemed to already know about the feelings of guilt, stress, loss, etc before I said them and he is fully aware of Headway. I now have a choice of two neuro rehab centres to contact and I'm visiting the local Headway centre next week too.
WOW, congrats!!! A GP who understands and refers appropriately??? I can't believe it!
Unsure about GUILT though, do you feel guilty? What for? I don't.
All the best...
Hi Muddled,I think the guilt comes in when you realise you suddenly can't do the things you did,physically and cognitively.I did feel this in early recovery-I have a strong work ethic and have always worked many hours and been the responsible one and reliable source of income in our house.To end up off sick for 6 months,a useless mess relying on partner to physically help you walk (in early stages) did nothing for my self esteem.I was very fit,active and able to work all hours,run the house and look after others with no problem.The fact that I have ended up on reduced hours,less money and cannot honour all the demands made of me can still make me feel like I have let others down.Especially when some people have such high expectations of you.As time has gone on and the physical/cognitive effects of pushing too hard have been witnessed by my family they have come to realise that I am not being lazy/selfish but really can't manage more than I say without detrimental effects.I am still trying to educate my demanding neighbours in this respect ! : )
Oh Angel, you say it SO well! I never thought of it as guilt, silly me. I felt bad that I couldn't/can't do things I used to and get cross/upset/angry with myself but I do know it isn't my fault and I know how hard I really TRY to do things though maybe it's only ME who knows, others think I'm lazy probably.
Yes, I feel a real failure really often. It's SO complicated: I'm still unsure what I CAN do well or OK and because it varies SO much it's even more confusing for me and everyone else. For example some days/times I can talk really well and other times not. Some days I can do bits of paperwork other days/times I can't AT ALL.
I don't know if anyone I know has really been aware of what happens to me when I push myself too much, maybe a few occasionally but I usually try to disappear (go home and rest) before I get too bad so I try to hide it when I can and did from start but that means people don't see/understand. But I HATE crying in public which is what happens when way too tired/overloaded.
I haven't worked or earned money since my ABI and I'm surprised. At start I thought I could do more than I can and thought I'd work full time again but now I don't think I'll ever be able to. I don't even know about work, trying to do CV but SO hard, can't even do that properly at all. I'd like to think I could work and earn money but terrified because I know I could never earn enough to support myself unless some strange miracle occurred and I found/learned skills I could earn BIG wage but somehow I don't think that's very likely.
So I know what you mean but personally I never describe that as guilt because I do know how hard I try just that the results are awful but not my fault! People ask what I do all day and I never know how to answer, it's only when I'm sleeping/resting I'm not doing anything the rest of the time I'm always busy at something be it only writing on here or Twitter. I think people think I lie around all day doing nothing because I haven't got anything to show for what I do: it's invisible and (I think, to others) not worth anything and not useful, I'm not productive.
Some days can type/write but not other days or when too tired: feels like I don't know what I think about anything and have nothing useful to say. Sometimes even eating my food I have trouble knowing which bit of food to stick on fork next and dither but I have to try NOT to think and just do, so hard to explain but at least I don't miss my mouth like at start! Same with walking, when I rush I walk bad and hurts, if walk slow and THINK I can walk better and sometimes it varies: some days if I DON'T think I can walk better and more equally = so tricky. Think I need to try work out HOW to walk better coz lumbar/back/hips and feet are getting BAD and know big toe joints take the strain too and hurt. But don't know how to do this and anyway when rushing/tired I forget. SO tricky try think that on top of everything else!
Maybe I need to find way to use what I CAN do to help others, need help though, a mentor or two coz I get so confused lost and scrambled and have totally lost confidence because I fail at pretty much everything I do except basics must try do every day, sort of doing OK on those coz still alive!
Fantastic! Our g.p spotted hubbys problem in the first place! So good to have a understanding g.p enjoy yourself with headway such good progress x
RESULT !Hang on to that GP, Ashj, the good ones are like gold dust !
All the best with rehab and Headway, Angela x
Well said Angelite, does he/she want any new patients? 
Nice one ashj ; what a great result. 
I hope things look a little brighter now you know there is support available to you. Keep us updated won't you.
Regards Cat x
Hi Ashj,
Thank you for your post. This is really great to hear.
Headway ran a campaign to promote GP awareness in 2013, and one of our activities was to ask doctors around the country to sign up to our GP pledge. The details are on our website at headway.org.uk/gp-pledge.aspx
It'd be great if your doctor could sign up too!
Do let us know if you need any further support or information in future.
Best wishes,
Headway
I am so pleased for you. As Angelite says , can be quite rare , but it makes experience of BI with more ease if you have a professional who is accessible to you.
Wishing you good luck and there is life after BI.
Good luck with Headway group choice Angelite. If you can't attend both, but decide to go to one, I believe you can swap to the other if it suits you better. Fantastic to have a choice of which to go to. Great organisation.
weldone, you have a gpt hat is in tune with things, so hang on in there...
I've used the choose and book system to make an appointment at my preferred general neurology dept as per the paperwork from the GP. However, both hospitals are showing as 'no appointments currently available' so I called the choose and book helpline who have put me on a list for the hospital to contact me as soon as they update the system with appointment slots. I am to contact my GP on 25th March if I haven't heard anything by then.
Hi Ash, glad you went on good with the g.p. You'll have to let me know where your local headway centre is because its probably mine too!.Ive been reading up this morning on healthunlocked's website and didn't realise you could find out who is near you. Out of the people I've replied to on here you are the nearest-19 mile away.I think miracleman is then next closest. Small world!
First post, and a question about Polycystic Kidney Disease
Confusion 
Has Headway finally recognised optometry.
First time post
