When I close my eyes...

Every night, I close my eyes and just imagine that she's there next to me again. I can make it so real, I can smell her perfume and feel her hair touching my head.

Then I open my eyes again, and there's nothing. I just don't know what to do.

[Nutkin33]

Oh shame. My thoughts are with you! Xx

[sporan]

Hi DanJenn,

I truely commiserate with you but it is still early day's yet and what you are feeling is perfectly normal.

I would suggest though that you see your GP as he/she may be able to give you something, short term, to help with your mood and maybe arrange some councelling for you. Remember it is the strong that ask for help.

My view, some people don't agree and if it upset's you I will appologise in advance, is that as long as we remember the person we have lost ( the REAL person both the good and the bad bits, the REAL person) and talk about them to friends, family and people that knew them then the reality is they are never truely gone and will always be with you, not in the flesh maybe but in your heart and your head.

It's a thought that I've always found comforting and use myself.

Wishing you well and hope soon the pain will ease slightly for you. Remember that you don't have to hurt to remember them and not hurting is NOT the same as loosing or forgetting them.

Kindest thoughts and wishes for you

Geoff

[StrawberryCream]

Hi DanJenn

What you are experiencing is an absolutely normal part of the grief process. It is also not unusual for people bereaved of their loved ones to see visions of them too or mistake others as being them and to call out or dash up to them only to realise it isn't them. Do not be too troubled by what is happening to you as you do need to express and experience your feeling and emotions. Grief can take many many months and sometimes years to go through but it is the way we emotionally heal ourselves. Trouble is society often expects us to be over our loss in a few weeks but that is usually because they don't know what to say or do so deal with it by turning there back on us or ignoring what has happened with an expectation that we suppress and keep our emotions tucked away. Allow yourself the time to grieve and if you can find someone who is happy to let you talk repeatedly about memories of great times with your darling lady and of your painful emotions now she is gone from you and they share there memories too with you. Is there a close friend of you both, a family member or if there isn't anyone you want to open up to and share with, have you considered ringing the Samaritans. They are there 24/7 (even the middle of the night) to listen and support you at your worst or slightly better times. Sometimes it is easier to speak to someone neutreul who doesn't know you and you have the anominity of a phone call. The Headway Helpline is there for you too but i don't think it is 24 hrs support but the Headway website will have that info. I am wondering whether her (is it Jenn? I don't feel respectful with keep saying she or her all the time?) funeral has taken place yet as I think I remember she died close to xmas and sometimes there is a delay at that time of year because days when things are closed. That will have been (or will be) an extemely difficult day for you and I sincerely hope it was everything you wanted the day to be to acknowledge the truly wonderful, cherished and loved person she was and who tragically in an instant was taken away.

Best wishes x

[RogerCMerriman]

It's a massive and dreadful thing to happen, it's still early days to get your head around.

There is a comment about not making any life changes for 2/3 years after a loss.

[Hidden]

Hi Danjen

Sorry you are hurting so much. There are no words, but you are not alone, we are here for you. Take care

[cat3]

DanJenn. Thank you for choosing to share your sadness with us. The rawness will feel intolerable for quite a while and you have taken the wisest step by allowing others to see your pain.

I feel so bad for you that I have real physical sensations of sadness when I read your words but there is nothing I, or anyone, can do to lessen your pain.

I know, from when I lost a dear friend, that haunting feeling of grief/hopelessness which follows you everywhere and hits like a hammer each time you wake but it has, over time, become more manageable by talking over and over about it to someone who's happy to listen.

Losing someone with whom you've shared everything is a massive trauma, and the level of your grief will reflect the level of your attachment. You said recently that sharing it with others felt disrespectful, but I see no disrespect in making public your feelings of adoration for your beloved partner ; it's, after all, what happens in marriage.

Mourning a loved one is the worst form of loneliness but a very natural and necessary process although, in your case, dreadfully premature. Please stay DanJenn and share whatever emotions you feel comfortable with.

Talking seems to scratch at the surface of grief until, in time, it gradually begins to wear away, so I hope you'll continue with the counselling. But if you feel you're really not coping, your GP can also prescribe temporary medication to help you with this struggle.

The need to turn to the very person we've lost when we're desperately unhappy is particularly awful, so I hope you have people supporting you who can truly appreciate your loss.

Please try to take care of yourself. All my best wishes, Cat x

[Nks425]

Prayers to you. I hope each day your pain becomes less. I appreciate that you shared your loss with us. This is a wonderful site to be able to share our joys and sorrows. I do think getting something from your GP to help you in the early stages is a good idea. Prayers to you to help lessen the sadness you feel.

Niyani

[Torquay]

Hi Danjenn

Please keep in touch with this site and the Headway team. We care about you.x