My mother is in a comma with open eyes

My mother had a big brain stroke 10 days ago, since then she is in a comma but wiht open eyes, soemties she sleeps and soemtimes she opens her eyes but she canot talk to responsve, she sometimes try to move her leg and her hand, her head as well, somtiems she response to the pain, all the docotrs say that she is in a bad condition, they dosnot even giev us a hope at all, I donto know if someone had the same case, can advice me what can I do Iam dying every minute syaing my mother like that,

17 Replies

  • I am so sorry Asma it must be devastating for you. Until your mother weakens from the coma no-one will be able to tell what damage has been done. Unfortunately it is a long slow process as your mums brain will be trying to protect itself and consequently shuts down as many of its functions as it can to concentrate on limiting the damage, sometimes the damage is too great and recovery is very limited, that is why doctors won't hold out false hope, you have to be patient and wait and see. They will be making her as comfortable as possible and providing the right environment for her body to recover as best it can.

    You can help by talking to her a lot, telling her where she is and not to be frightened and how much you all love her.

    Just chat about everyday things but speak to her, even if she does not seem to be responding, you can still hear when in a coma and it helps to hear yor loved ones voices, it can calm you. I know because I was in a coma for 3 weeks and I remember isolated incidents. If you don't know what to say to her, read to her then you won't get emotional.

    Good luck and be strong Janet xxx

  • Thank you Janet for your reply, much appreciated, I try to talk to her all the times, sometimes Iam strong soemtimes Iam a very weak and jsut start crying, she is very great person she did alot to me but i was not that good to her hope she forgive me,

  • Oh Asma, I feel very sad after reading about your mum and it reminds me of what my family suffered when I was so poorly.

    They suffered so much more than me with the awful shock and worry, whereas I was unaware of everything in the first critical weeks.

    So I can only echo what Janet has said , firstly, about the doctors not committing themselves on a prognosis because it's not possible in the early stages and, secondly, do keep talking to your mum. My daughter and son talked constantly to me and although I couldn't respond I remember sort of 'feeling' their presence so hold her hand when you talk to her.

    This is the time for you to show your love by being there and staying strong enough to will her through into the best possible recovery

    Sincere good wishes, Cat x

  • Thank you so much,

  • Hey Asma. My son's 'accident' happened nearly five years ago, but personally I remember every detail as if it were yesterday. And one of the things I can recall clearly was his eyes being open much of the time after the initial coma stage. I was told he was completely blind, but thought otherwise, and like many of the stories previous, he now tells how he can remember seeing things. The doctors thought I was barmy, I told them of instances where they said it was medically impossible, but I believed it to be true, and it turns out it was.

    All the advice given so far is brilliant and I can only add more on the same vein. The 'experts' told a very sad, bleak picture with no expectations - with one get out clause ........ "never forget the brain is a remarkable thing...." I came to hate that saying, but they were right. It is truly remarkable, and my son is nowhere near the place that was diagnosed. He has come on in leaps and bounds. And don't forget about talking to your mother, it is so very important. It doesn't matter what, everyday events in your/your family or friends lives, apologise if you feel bad about situations prior to the strke, any sort of BS, but do it. The day my son 'woke up', his sister and I were recounting a past event and out of the blue he joined in - perfect speech and sentence construction!!! Who would have guessed. Prior to that moment he hadn't spoken for nearly four months. So you never know. It's a tough road you've just started walking, and things may get tougher, but it's like everything else in life, unless you walk it you may always regret not going on the journey. Kind regards.

  • It is not easy at all, but I want to be positive if not, then I may die for being sad for my mother, & guilty that I didnot take good care of her recently,

    thank you for your support

  • having suffered a sah in dec 2007 eventually awaking in a different country in 2008 i cannot begin to fell what you must be going through but i am told my loved ones played me music read to me and even triued to wake me u with smells my fiancees perfume my aftershave but when ever your mum does waje up it may not be soon be there for her assure her of your love and what was important to me to be told i was not given up on ever she will not be the mum you knew again assure her that you will always be there for and with her recovery takes a long a very long time its frustrating for you and her there will be times when mum will be in tears and depressessed its very important you give her a huge hug of reassurance

  • hello asma, many of us here are 'patients (incl me) or carers. I agree with everything said already from both sides of coin. /but pls don't guilt trip yourself out over the past in the here and now. I have a longstanding bad relationship with one of 2 sons, its not great with other one either.

    What is obvious from you, is that you love your mum to bits and are desperately concerned about her in the here and now. You can be and are there for her now when its most important. I know that one day/year - my sons and I will build bridges, just as you will.with your mum. /imagine her delight and realisation that you are there for her when she needs you most.

    Living in the past achieves nothing, that I have learnt - the here and now is where its all at. Stay strong. xx Shirley.

  • Thank you , I wished if I gave more to my mom, but that is the life, I hope she will wakeup and I wish Gad giev me another chance to show my mom the real love she deserves that I was busy with this quick life and stressed life to show her,

  • Don't blame yourself for what is past, you can't change that, just try to be the best daughter you can now for her. touch her and talk to her, the doctors never know just how much a person can hear and feel. Keep telling her you love her. x

  • That is what Iam doing, even before I tell her I love her, but alwyse I feel that I didnot show her my reall love, thanks

  • asma, she will 'know' in her own way that you are there for her and love her here and now, you cannot alter the past - so be kind to yourself in the knowledge that you are doing what you can to be there for her. Shirley xx

  • As a mother with two daughters and of course having been a daughter myself, your mother knows how much you love her you don't always have to show it or tell her, it's what being a mum is all about, we love our children unconditionally, just be there for her when she needs you and be kind to yourself, look after yourself

  • Hey Asma. Just wondering how things are now? I was so desperately concerned about you, you seemed so down and full of self reproach about things as they were. By the way, I was totally taken with your name so I googled it and of course found many definitions (as you're no doubt aware). However, the two that came across so strongly were Important and Precious and I thought how relevant they were. You are a very important and precious person and your mum knows this. So stick with it, look forward and take each day as it comes. Take care and kind regards.

  • Me too Asma. It would be good if you could manage to give us a brief update.

    Hope you're seeing some positive signs, however slight. Love Cat x

  • Hi Dears, my mom is still unconscious, although she opens her eyes and moves them and sometimes she sleeps and yawning , and when they move her at the hospital she shows on her face that she is in pain, I really don’t know if she will ever talk or see , she had tracheostomy as she had difficulty to breath, she used to make sounds when she breaths, now she is breathing normally, I sleep with her at the hospital but today my aunt will sleep and stay with her for the night,

    The brain consultant says she is cleared to go back home, and that they have to change the breathing tube for permanent one, also he says you will need to know how to make suction and also she will still need Oxygen at home as well, she has also the food tube.

    I will do my best to take care of my mother when she is home, I will look for a Nurse to help me when I go back to my work as now I am off work since my mother got sick,

    Thank you all for asking,

  • Update , The doctors say that my mother should go back home, and she is clear to go home, I think she should stay at the hospital, as her status is not a normal one, she needs to do suction for her all the times, they say we will teach you how to do thses staff at home, Iam not sure that I will be brave enough to do so, also the hole in her neck still not the perminant, also it is very difficult to find a nurse here to stay 24/7 with my mother , i donto know what to do,

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